Arizona Jokes

A cowboy walks into a bar... A cowboy, who just moved to Wyoming from Texas , walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, ""You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."" The cowboy replies, ""Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona , the othe…

My dad used to tell the ultimate dad joke passed on by his Native American father from Arizona. ""You boys know how all these cacti got their name?"" *sigh* ""No dad how did they decide on a name?"" ""Well, when the first Native American tried the water from them, he exclaimed 'Yucca!'"" (Yucca is the name of an abundant species of cacti found in Arizona) (I cringed when I heard this and I loved my grandfather very much so I understand any negative reaction)

This really just happened ...facepalm I'm sitting in the living room and my father is watching the Arizona vs CAR football game. I didn't know who CAR was. ""Dad what is CAR?"" ""Car, ( makes steering motion and says vroom vroom)"" "" not like that I mean where is car? And if you say driveway I'll shoot you. "" "".... Garage""

The cowboy... A cowboy, who just moved to Wyoming from Texas , walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one ...in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, ""You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."" The cowboy replies, ""Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona , the other is in Colo…

You may have heard on the news about a southern Californian man... Who was put under 72 hour psychiatric observation when it was found that he owned 100 guns and allegedly had 100,000 rounds of ammo stored in his home. My favorite quote from the dimwit tv reporter:""Wow! He has a quarter million machine gun bullets."" The headline referred to it as a ""massive weapons cache."" By southern California standards someone owning 100,000 rounds of ammo would be called ""mentally unstable."" Just imagi…

Tough shit Amigo! A beautiful fairy appeared one day to a destitute Mexican refugee outside an Arizona immigration office. ""Good man,"" the fairy said, ""I've been sent here by President Obama and told to grant you three wishes, since you just arrived in the United States with your wife and eight children."" The man told the fairy, ""Well, where I come from we don't have good teeth, so I want new teeth, maybe a lot of gold in them."" The fairy looked at the man's almost toothless grin and -- PI…

An American and a Canadian are in an air conditioned room in the middle of a sandy desert. The American, wanting to leave and get help, asks the the Canadian, ""how hot is it outside?"" The Canadian replies, ""119 degrees."" The American, being a native to Arizona, laughs and drinks a glass of water before he leaves the room. He dies of heat stroke within moments.

3 Topical Jokes for 7/29 (For optimal results, imagine these being read by your favorite late night talk show host) In Arizona, a prison inmate escaped after climbing up a basketball hoop, then jumping over the fence. Prison guards were baffled that the man jumped over the fence from the basketball hoop, and not the elevated rope swing, or giant trampoline. In Rhode Island, a 100-year-old woman received an honorary high school diploma. The 100-year-old woman said she'd always wanted to go back a…

Ruger I used to work at Ruger. Everyone knows it as Ruger, but it's actually Sturm, Ruger & Co. I don't know who this ""Sturm"" guy is, but he's obviously getting the short end of the stick. I was lucky in that I live less than 10 minutes from there. Although, to be honest, isn't it all relative? I mean, if my car breaks down, suddenly I live a lot more than 10 minutes from there. They're known of course for their firearms, but they also make golf clubs. No matter what you're buying from Rug…

A penguin in Arizona A penguin is driving on road trip tour of the states when in the middle of the Arizona summer, his car breaks down. Being a prepared driver the penguin calls AAA and a tow is arranged to the nearest town. The tow driver drops off the penguin and his car at the mechanics and goes about it's way. The penguin, now stuck with his car at the mechanics, asks how long the repair should take. The mechanic tell him that he's going to take a look and to come back in an hour as well as…

TDIL: Why Arizona gets so hot. Because they don't observe daylight saving time the heat of the day is compressed into fewer hours.

An oldie, but a goodie! A vacationing penguin is driving his through Arizona when he notices that the oil pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station. After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice-cream shop and, being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big dish of ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no…

A man in Phoenix accidentally shot himself in the leg while in line at Walmart on Saturday. Or, as they call that in Arizona, ""taking a selfie.""

When NASA was preparing for the Apollo Project, it took the astronauts to a Navajo reservation in Arizona for training. One day, a Navajo elder and his son came across the space crew walking among the rocks. The elder, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question. His son translated for the NASA people: ""What are these guys in the big suits doing?"" One of the astronauts said that they were practicing for a trip to the moon. When his son relayed this comment the Navajo elder got all excited and aske…

There were two lovers, who were really into spiritualism and reincarnation. They vowed that if either died, the other one remaining would try to contact the partner in the other world exactly 30 days after their death. Unfortunately, a few weeks later, the young man died in a car wreck. True to her word, his sweetheart tried to contact him in the spirit world exactly 30 days later. At the seance, she called out, ""John, John, this is Martha. Do you hear me?"" A ghostly voice answered her, ""Yes …

A vacationing penguin is driving through Arizona and sees that the car's oil-pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station. After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice cream shop, and being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big dish of vanilla ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands, he makes a re…

A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when her car broke down. An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a 'Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a' so loud that it echoed from the surrounding hills. When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final 'Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!' a…

Jack was living in Arizona during a heat wave when the following took place. ""It's just too hot to wear clothes today"" complained Jack as he stepped out of the shower. ""Honey what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"" ""Probably that I married you for your money.""

Knock Knock Who's there ! Arizona ! Arizona who ? Arizona room for one of us in this town !

A woman just back from Arizona was telling her friends about the trip. ""When my husband first saw the Grand Canyon his face dropped a mile"" she said. ""Why was he disappointed with the view?"" ""No he fell over the edge.""

As a Delta Air Lines jet was flying over Arizona on a clear day the co-pilot was providing his passengers with a running commentary about landmarks over the PA system. ""Coming up on the right you can see the Meteor Crater which is a major tourist attraction in northern Arizona. It was formed when a lump of nickel and iron roughly 150 feet in diameter and weighing 300000 tons struck the earth at about 40000 miles an hour scattering white-hot debris for miles in every direction. The hole measu…

A cowboy walks into a bar... A cowboy, who just moved to Wyoming from Texas , walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time." The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona , the oth…

Baptist Cowboy The Baptist cowboy, who just moved to Wyoming from Texas , walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time." The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona , the other …

A vacationing penguin is driving his through Arizona when... A vacationing penguin is driving his through Arizona when he notices that the oil pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station. After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice-cream shop and, being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big dish of ic…

A man is speaking with Saint Peter at the gates of Heaven. Saint Peter asks him if he has done any good deeds in his time on Earth to merit entry into paradise. Thinking for a moment, he says, "I was once in a bar in Arizona. I noticed a beautiful woman sitting alone, but before I could introduce myself a bunch of Hell's Angels stormed in and started wrecking the place. Then they scooped the woman off of her bar stool and started throwing her around and terrorizing all of the other guys ther…