Co Jokes

Americans: Muslims are so violent Me: ok but police co- Americans: shut up. Don't judge a group of people based off a select few.

A Rabbi, an Imam, and a good old boy redneck American Soldier are all in a plane crash and find themselves standing before St. Peter at the pearly gates. Saint Peter says to them ""You've each made mistakes in your lives that could delay your entry into heaven, but I'm willing to let all three of you in at once if you can find something good in your brother standing beside you."" The Imam looks at the Rabbi and says ""Surely this fellow man of God served his people and his temple well, no matter…

a pakistani soldier enlists in the army , ( xpost - india ) A Pakistani soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3 day pass.The CO says, ""Are you crazy? You just joined the Pakistani army, and you already want a 3 day pass? You must do something spectacular for that recognition!"" So the soldier comes back a day later in an Indian tank! The CO was so impressed, he asked, ""How did you do it?"" ""Well, I jumped in a tank, and went toward the border with the Indians. I approac…

A woman with Hybristophilia... A woman with Hybristophilia regularly visits a prison. She states to the CO she wishes to see prisoner 8102. After being obliged she leaves and goes home. The next day she comes back and asks to see inmate 8103. The CO curious asks her ""do you think these men care about you? How many of these men have you slept with?"" She replies ""I dunno. I'm inconsequential.""

An American soldier is deployed to Iraq... An American soldier is deployed to Iraq around 2005. One of the first things he noticed upon arrival was that women walked about 10 paces behind their husbands. He had never seen this before and asked his commanding officer why they did that. ""Iraq isn't as advanced as the US and women don't have equal rights here, they must walk behind their men as a display of subservience."" replied his CO. Ten years passed and the soldier was once again deployed to…

Three German artillerymen were on probation for lackluster performance. To secure continued enlistment in the military, they had to take a test that involved firing an egg out of a cannon, towards their commanding officer. They needed to use the smallest angle necessary to fire the egg in a way that didn't hit their CO. The first man fired too low and hit the CO with an egg. The CO pointed at the man and laughed, calling him a failure. The second man fired a little higher, but also hit the CO, c…

Falklands Heroes Three soldiers of the Falklands Conflict saved their battalion from a minefield, and their commanding officer decided to reward them. They were waiting for their CO in his office in London when he strolled in. ""Well chaps, since this wasn't officially a war I can't give you any medals. So, I will measure the distance between any two points of your body, and give you five times that measurement in Pounds Sterling."" The first soldier decided almost immediately. ""I'll measure fr…

Ruger I used to work at Ruger. Everyone knows it as Ruger, but it's actually Sturm, Ruger & Co. I don't know who this ""Sturm"" guy is, but he's obviously getting the short end of the stick. I was lucky in that I live less than 10 minutes from there. Although, to be honest, isn't it all relative? I mean, if my car breaks down, suddenly I live a lot more than 10 minutes from there. They're known of course for their firearms, but they also make golf clubs. No matter what you're buying from Rug…

Amy's baking Co. Has just designed a gaming system It's called the Xbox one

This is the psychiatry hotline, If you are Obsessive- Compulsive, press 1 repeatedly, If you are co- dependent, ask someone to press 2 for you, If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6, If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call, If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship, If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press, If you're de…

Knock knock - Who's there? - Impatient cow. - Impatient co- - He already left.

An Israeli soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3-day pass. The CO says ""Are you crazy? You just join the Israeli army and you already want a 3-day pass? You must do something spectacular for that recognition!"" So the soldier comes back a day later in an Arab tank! The CO was so impressed he asked ""How did you do it?"" ""Well I jumped in a tank and went toward the border with the Arabs. I approached the border and saw an Arab tank. I put my white flag up the Arab t…

An Israeli soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3 day pass. The CO says, "Are you crazy? You just joined the Israeli army, and you already want a 3 day pass? You must do something spectacular for that recognition!" So the soldier comes back a day later in an Arab tank! The CO was so impressed, he asked, "How did you do it?" "Well, I jumped in a tank, and went toward the border with the Arabs. I approached the border, and saw an Arab tank. I put my white flag up, the Ar…

Inspection While conducting a routine inspection, the colonel arrived at the mess hall door where he met 2 KPs with a large soup kettle. "Let me taste that," the colonel snapped. One of the men fetched a big spoon and handed it respectfully to the CO, who plunged the ladle into the pot and took a large mouth-full of the steaming liquid, smacking his lips critically. Then he let out a roar that could be heard back at headquarters. "Do you call that soup?" He bellowed. "No, sir," explained one o…

Logical conclusion... (longish) After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, British scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago. Not to be outdone by the Brits, in the weeks that followed, an American archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story was published in the New York Times: "American archaeologists, finding traces of 250-year-old cop…

Are you ready kids? AYE AYE CAPTAIN! I can't hear youuuu! AYE AYE CAPTAIN! Ohhhhhh, who lives with a GPA under a C? CO-LLEGE STU-DENTS Who's living with stress induced anxiety? CO-LLEGE STU-DENTS! If wanting to drop out is something you wish...CO-LLEGE STU-DENTS Then take a long nap and watch some Netflix! COLLEGE STUDENTS, COLLEGE STUDENTS, COLLEGE STUDENTS, COLLEEEEGGEEEEE STUUUDEEEEEEEENTSSSSSS!

God offers the ten commandments God went to the Arabs and said: "I have Commandments that'll make your lives better." The Arabs asked: "What are they, can you give us an example?" God said: "Thou shall not kill." The Arab were shocked and refused Gods offering So he went to the Mexicans and said: "I have commandments that'll make your lives better." When asked for an example God said: "Thou shall not steal." The Mexicans were insulted and refused. Lastly, God went to the Jews: "I have Co…

What do goats do on election day? Voat. co