Adam Jokes

"" Hi, We're doing a brief survey. May I ask you some questions?"" *"" Yes.""* "" What's your name?"" *""-Adam.""* "" And your wife's?"" *"" Eve.""* "" Wow, and the snake lives with you too?"" *"" Yes, my mother-in-law lives with us too""* ^I ^translated ^it ^from ^Spanish ^and ^that's ^the ^better ^punchline ^I ^could ^think ^about.

One night Eve shook Adam awake and asked him ""Adam, are you cheating on me?"" Adam groggily replied ""No, of course not Eve... Go back to sleep!"" About an hour later Eve shook Adam awake again. ""How do I know you aren't cheating on me?"" Adam said ""Look Eve, you are the only woman in the world, made by God from my very own rib. I love you and I would never cheat on you. Now, please go back to sleep!"" Another hour passes and suddenly Eve begins poking Adam in the chest. ""EVE"" yells Adam, "…

Don't Fall Asleep in Church A man who went to church with his wife always fell asleep during the sermon. The wife decided to do something about this. One Sunday, she took a long hatpin with her to poke him with every time he would doze off. As the preacher got to a part in the sermon where he shouted out, ""And who created all there is in six days and rested on the seventh?"" She poked her husband, who came flying out of the pew and screamed, ""GOD!!"" The minister said, ""That's right, that's r…

Little April wasn't the best student in Sunday school Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ""Tell me, April, who created the universe?"" When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ""GOD ALMIGHTY!"" shouted April and the teacher said, ""Very good"" and April fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked April, ""Who is our Lord and Saviour,"" But, April didn't even…

How do you know that Adam and Eve were white? Have you ever tried taking a rib from a black man?

Eve says to Adam "" this salad is so good"" Adam says to Eve ""That's the basket with my dirty clothes""

Letter home from summer camp Dear Mum & Dad, Our Scoutmaster told us to write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and got worried. We are okay. Only one of our tents and 2 sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Adam when it happened. Oh yes, please call Adam's mother and tell her he is okay. He can't write because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the search and rescue Jeeps. It was great. We never would…

Dad: Shame on you, Peter. Why did you hit your little sister? Dad: Shame on you, Peter. Why did you hit your little sister? Peter: Well, Daddy, we were playing Adam and Eve with the apple and all. Well, instead of tempting me with that apple, she ate the thing herself.

Three Nuns die in a car crash, and find themselves at the pearly gates. St. Peter stops them, stating ""Ladies, I appreciate your position, but there's a new policy in place from upstairs. To enter unto Heaven, you must demonstrate some knowledge of The Bible."" He asks the first Nun. ""Who was the first man?"" ""Oh! Adam, of course!"" she replies. ""You're in."" To the second ""Who was the first woman?"" ""Eve!"" ""Yep, you're in."" To the third, ""What's the first thing that Eve said to Adam?"…

god and adam God Said, ""Adam, I Want you to do Something for Me."" Adam Said, ""Gladly, Lord, what do You Want me to do?"" God Said, ""Go down Into that Valley."" Adam said, ""What's A valley?"" God explained it to him. Then God said, ""Cross the River."" Adam said, ""What's a River?"" God explained that To him, and then said, ""Go over to the Hill....."" Adam said, ""What is a Hill?"" So, God explained to Adam what a hill was. He told Adam, ""On The Other side of the Hill you will find a Cave.…

Why couldn't Adam stop Cain from killing his brother? Because he wasn't Abel.

An American, a Briton, and a North Korean look at a picture of Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden and try to figure out what nationality they are. The American says, ""Look at how free and independent they are, they must be Americans."" The Briton says, ""What are you talking about, look at how calm and reserved they are, the are obviously British."" The North Korean says, ""You two are both missing the point. They have no clothes, no shelter, they only have and apple to eat between them and yet…

One day in bible class... A teacher was giving a lesson and was telling the pupils that we came from Adam and Eve. A hand went up and the kid said, ""But my dad told me that we come from apes, Miss?"" Miss replied, ""Stay out of this one, Leroy!""

Marie was tired during scripture class And she kept falling asleep at her desk, halfway through the class the teacher asked her a question, ""Marie who is a lord above?"" James her friend behind her notices she is asleep and with a pin pokes her. Suddenly she yelled ""GOD!"" as she is pricked by the sharp pin. ""Very Good!"" The teacher said. Only minutes after she fell asleep again the teacher asked her another question, ""Who died on the cross for our sins Marie?"" And James notices she is asl…

Can humans justify anything? Obviously not, just look at Adam Sandler's career.

Boy pokes girl with a pencil A boy sits behind a girl he likes in Catholic school and he shows it by poking her in the back with a pencil. One day during class the teacher asks: ""Who was the one that created the universe?"" The boy pokes the girl with his pencil and she jumps up and says: ""Oh God!"" Afterward the teacher asks: ""Okay, who's the one that died for our sins?"" The boy pokes the girl with his pencil a second time and she jumps up and says: ""Jesus Christ!"" The teacher then asks: …

A child asked his father, ""How were people born?"" So his father said, ""Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on."" The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, ""We were apes, then we evolved to become like we are now."" The child ran back to his father and said, ""You lied to me! Mommy said people were monkeys first!"" His father replied, ""No, your mom was talking about her side of the family.""

How do we know that Adam wasn't a black man? Have you ever tried taking a rib from a black man!!?!

Two Jewish friends are walking down the street... Ben & Adam are walking down the street & notice a large billboard outside a church that reads ""Convert to Catholicism & make $50!"" Ben ponders & asks Adam if he should go in. Adam tells he should go for it and that he'll wait for him outside. 5 minutes later, Ben comes back outside. Adam asks him ""So how was it like inside, man?"" Ben replies ""I'm not sure. I walked in. A priest threw holy water on me. Then he told me I was Ca…

3 nuns die and go to heaven. They meet St. Peter at the golden gates. St. Peter said ""You each have to answer 1 question. If the answer is right you can enter heaven and if you answer wrong you go straight to hell."" He calls the first nun and asks ""Who did God make first?"" Very happily she answers ""Oooh that's an easy one. God made Adam"" Trumpets blast, the golden gates open and she walks in. Then St. Peter calls the second nun and asks ""Who did God make second?"" Very happily she answers…

Why can't you trust any Adam? They make up everything.

Dave was in a bar looking very dejected. His friend, Adam, walked over and asked, ""What's wrong?"" ""It's my mother-in-law,"" Dave replied, while shaking his head sadly. ""I have a real problem with her."" ""Cheer up,"" Adam said. ""Everyone has problems with their mother-in-law."" ""Yeah, sure,"" Dave answered. ""But not everybody gets theirs pregnant!""

Little Johnny and April Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ""Tell me, April, who created the universe?"" When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ""GOD ALMIGHTY!"" shouted April and the teacher said, ""Very good"" and April fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked April, ""Who is our Lord and Saviour…

3 nuns die in a bus crash St. Peter greets them in heaven, ""you've all lead exceptional lives resisting sin and serving the Lord. It's merely a formality, but I have to give you a short quiz before allowing you into heaven. I'll make it quick and easy."" To the first nun he asked, ""who was the first man?"" She answered, ""that's easy! Adam!"" The bells of heaven ring, the gates of heaven open, and she walks in. To the second, ""who was the first woman?"" ""That's easy! Eve!"" The bells of heav…

Penny was never the best Sunday school student. She was always falling asleep in class and getting into trouble. ""Penny,"" the Sunday school teacher asked, one dozing day. ""Who created the universe?"" When she didn't stir, Jimmy, who sat behind her, poked her in the rear with his pencil. ""God Almighty!"" shouted Penny, and the teacher said, ""Very good."" A while later the teacher asked ""Penny, who is our savior?"" But again Penny didn't stir from her slumber. Jimmy poked her again with his …