Adam Jokes

Creation vs Evolution has been settled! A little girl asked her mother, ""How did the human race come about?"" The Mother answered, ""God made Adam and Eve; they had children and, so all mankind was made."" A few days later, the little girl asked her father the same question. The father answered, ""Many years ago there were monkeys, and we developed from them."" The confused girl returns to her mother and says, ""Mom, how is it possible that you told me that the human race was created by God , a…

Adam was hanging around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely. So, God asked him, ""What's wrong with you?"" Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to. God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman. He said, ""This pretty lady will gather food for you, she will cook for you, and when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you. She will always agree with every decision you make and she will not nag you. And will always be the first to admit she was wrong …

What did Adam do when he wanted some sugar? He raised Cain.

Who is the fastest runner in history. Adam - because he was the first in the human race.

At what time of day was Adam born? Just before Eve.

Q. How did Adam and Eve feel when expelled from the Garden of Eden? A. They were really put out.

Q. Where is the first baseball game in the Bible? A. In the big inning Eve stole first Adam stole second. Cain struck out Abel and the Prodigal Son came home. The Giants and the Angels were rained out.

Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible? A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury.

Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden? A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.

Q. What is one of the first things that Adam and Eve did after they were kicked out? A. They really raised Cain.

Q: When was the longest day in the Bible? A: The day Adam was created because there was no Eve.

God looks down and notices that Adam is all alone while all the animals have companions so he decides to create a companion for man as well. He comes to see Adam and says to him ""Adam you are my greatest creation and therefore I am going to create for you the ultimate companion. She will worship the very ground you walk on she will long for you and no other she will be highly intelligent she will wait on you hand and foot and obey your every command she will be beautiful and all it will cost yo…

Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands. When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights Eve became upset. ""You're running around with other women"" she charged. ""You're being unreasonable"" Adam responded. ""You're the only woman on earth."" The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep only to be awakened by someone poking him in the chest. It was Eve. ""What do you think you're doing?"" Adam demanded. ""Counting your ribs"" said Eve.

What didn't Adam and Eve have that everyone else has? Parents.

After the fall in Garden of Eden Adam was walking with his sons Cain and Abel. They passed by the ruins of the Garden of Eden. One of the boys asked ""What's that?"" Adam replied ""Boys that's where your mother ate us out of house and home.""

Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked.

Knock Knock Who's there ! Adam ! Adam who ? Adam up and tell me the total !

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping ""Tell me Mary who created the universe?"" When Mary didn't stir little Johnny an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ""God Almighty!"" shouted Mary and the teacher said ""Very good"" and Mary fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked Mary ""Who is our Lord and Savior"" but Mary didn't even sti…

A guy goes into a costume shop. He says ""I'm going to a costume party I want to go as Adam."" The girl brings out a fig leaf. He says ""Not big enough."" She brings out a bigger one. He says ""Still not big enough."" She brings out a huge fig leaf. He says ""Still not big enough."" She says ""Listen Ace why don't you just throw it over your shoulder and go as a gasoline pump?""

Who was the first accountant? Adam. He got interested in figures turned the first leaf made the first entry lost interest after withdrawal buggered up the monthly accounts and raised the first liability.

The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping ""Tell me Mary who created the universe?"" When Mary didn't stir little Johnny an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ""God Almighty!"" shouted Mary and the teacher said ""Very good"" and Mary fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked Mary ""Who is our Lord and Savior"" but Mary didn't even sti…

A doctor a civil engineer and a computer scientist were arguing about what was the oldest profession in the world. The doctor remarked ""Well in the Bible it says that God created Eve from a rib taken from Adam. This clearly required surgery so I can rightly claim that mine is the oldest profession in the world."" The civil engineer interrupted and said ""But even earlier in the book of Genesis it states that God created the order of the heavens and the earth from out of the chaos. This was the …

Two women died at the same time. Both women had lived good christian lives. They both found themselves standing in front of the pearly gates greeted by St. Peter. St. Peter said that they were shoe-ins to heaven, but they each had to answer one question in order to get in. He asks the first woman "What was the name of the first woman?" "That's easy, she says. Her name was Eve." Trumpets sound and angels sing as the gates open and she enters the kingdom of heaven. To the second woman St.…

Three nuns die in a car accident. They arrive at the pearly gates... ...and St. Peter greets them, "welcome to heaven sisters! Before I let you in I have to ask you each a question that you must answer to be accepted into heaven." The first nun steps up, and St. Peter asks, "who is the son of god?" The nun says, "that's easy. Jesus." The gates open, and she strolls into heaven. The second one steps up. "Who is Jesus' mother?" She answers, "Mary," and the gates open. The third nun steps up…