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Putin Jokes

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Putin is at a press conference... Reporter: Good day, I'm John Smith from the Coca-Cola company. Mr president I have a question. You've been trying to get the old times back, and bringing the good old communism back. Putin: Communism bring back russia, yes Reporter:Why don't you also bring the old red flag back? And maybe we will close a 5 billion dollar deal if you put our logo very tiny in a little corner... Putin: Hmm, I have discuss this *Putin whispers to his Prime Minister*: Psst, Medvedev

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Gotta love Russia A man decides to go and settle down in Russia. Once there, however, he realizes that the country is in terrible shape: Disease everywhere, people going hungry, no electricity, everything is in shambles. He goes to buy a loaf of bread, but sees the a huge line in front of the store. After waiting in line for nearly 5 hours, he can't take it anymore. ""THAT'S IT!"" He screams. ""I am going to kill Putin, he is responsible for this, enough is enough"" and he runs out of the line t

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Obama calls Putin. Vladimir Vladimirovich however switched on his answering machine. When Obama called again he got the following pre-recorded message: - Hello. You have called the direct line of the president of Russia - Vladimir Putin. I am currently away from the phone and unable to take your call. If you want to surrender, please press 1 now. If you want to threaten me with sanctions, please press 2 now. If you want to discuss the current situation in Crimea, please press 3 now. Please note

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Hollande, Putin and Merkel sit on a plane to visit Obama. They didn t get the permission to land so they arrive an hour late. Hollande steps out first shaking Obama s hand and saying ""I m sorry for being late."". Second Putin steps out of the plane greeting Obama and adding ""I m sorry for being late, too."". Last one leaving the plane is Merkel and she walks to Obama and says ""I m sorry for being late, three."" Heard this joke a few years back when it was still Bush and Sarcozy and thought it

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Thought I'd try writing bad monologue jokes today. Like Jay Leno bad. Russia says it will begin patrolling with nuclear submarines again for the first time in 20 years. Nuclear subs that are 20 years old? I didn't know Russia had Subway. In Texas, a husband and wife are blaming one another for sending ricin-laced letters to public officials. As the saying goes, ""In sickness and in SHE DID IT!"" Mass anti-government protests continued in Turkey over the weekend. The last time there was this much

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Local Call George Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell. While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth. Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a check. Next Queen Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30 minutes. When she is finished the devil informs her that the cost is 6 million dollars,

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A bit of a Republican joke George Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell. While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth. Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a check. Next Queen Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30 minutes. When she is finished the devil informs her that the cost is 6

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