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President Putin and his driver were on their way to Kyiv and they suddenly hit a pig near a farmhouse, killing it instantly. Putin told his driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. About one hour later, Putin sees his driver staggering back to the car with a bottle of Horilka (Ukrainian vodka) in one hand, a cigar in the other, and his clothes all disheveled. "What happened to you?" asked Putin. "Well, the farmer gave me the Horilka, his wife gave me a box…

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Russian Prime Minister Medvedev comes to President Putin and nervously tells him to abolish time zones. " I fly to another city, call home and everyone is asleep. I woke you up at 4AM but I thought it was only evening. - I call Angela Merkel to congratulate her on her birthday and she tells me she had it yesterday. - I wish the Chinese President a happy New Year, and he says it will be tomorrow." "Indeed" Putin replies "but that's only minor stuff, remember when that Polish plane crashed with …

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Putin dies and goes to hell. He's met by the devil, who explains to him that he will be shown three different floors and he has to choose which one to spend eternity in. The devil takes Putin to the first floor where everyone is standing on their heads on a wooden floor. Anytime someone started to tip or fall over, little demons would fly down with whips and whip them until they were again balancing on their heads. It was awful! Putin said, "Niet, no! I need to see the second floor!" So th…

#Putin#Animals#Money#Religion
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