Peter Jokes

Why is peter pan always flying? He neverlands I like this joke because it never grows old This joke is off the hook Sorry

I actually heard a joke the other day about an alternate ending to the movie Hook where Captain Hook wins the duel and sends Peter back to London in a body bag. It's a good joke, if a little dark, but it does require a dead Pan delivery.

Judgement day Peter is on trial. He's on trial because he shot his wife when he caught her in bed with another guy. The judge wants to know; "why did you shoot your wife?". "Well, " Peter replies, "it seemed easier to shoot her once, than to shoot a different guy every week".

"Mom? Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital..." "Peter, you've been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that."

How does Peter Pan fly?,"If you got hit in the Peter with a pan you'd fly too.

Why is Peter Pan's voice so high?,"Because if someone hit your peter with a pan you'd have a high voice too!

Why does Peter Pan fly?,"Because if someone hit your peter with a pan you'd fly too!!

Who do you want on your basketball team in heaven? Peter. He can deny Jesus three times.

why is peter pan always in the air? Because he neverlands

How can Peter Pan fly? You'd fly too if somebody panned your peter.

How does Peter Pan fly? If you got hit in the Peter with a pan, you'd fly too.

Why is peter pan always flying? He never lands.

Hey John, we expend every night together watching the moon and the stars. What we are? We are security guards Peter!

Why is Peter Pan's voice so high? Because if someone hit your peter with a pan, you'd have a high voice too!

What did Jesus say to Peter? Hebrew

Why does Peter Pan fly? Because if someone hit your peter with a pan, you'd fly too!!

In math class, the teacher had noticed that, as usual, Peter wasn't paying attention. She asked him, “Peter, what are 2, 4, 8 and 16?” Quick as a flash he replied, “CBS, CNN, Movies and the Cartoon Network!”

An 85 year old couple, having been married almost 60 years, had died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years mainly due to her interest in health food, and exercise. When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen and master bath suite and Jacuzzi. As they "oohed and aahed" the old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. "It's free," Peter replied, "this is Heaven." Next they went out back…

Peter to Edward: Your friend is kissing your wife in your home. Edward rushed home angrily. After half an hour, he came back and slapped Peter. Edward said: You fool, he is not my friend.

Ben meets his friend Peter. Ben: A & B, A & B, A & B, A & B, A & B...! Peter: What do you mean? Ben: I Mean Long Time No C..!

Two friends Peter and Jack is leaving for holiday in a same airplane. Peter was sad when he couldn't meet Jack before they get in to the plane. After some time he sees Jack coming up the stairs and Peter shouted, "HI-JACK"

Peter: “Go and water the plants.” Mike: “It's already raining.” Peter: “So what? Take an umbrella and go!”

Jason: “You have a good collection of books, but you should have more shelves to keep them in order.” Peter: “I know, but I cannot borrow shelves!”

Three guys die and end up at the gates of heaven, talking to St. Peter. So, Peter asks the first guy, “How many times did you cheat on your wife?” “None. I had a perfect marriage.” “Great,” says Peter, “You get to cruise around heaven in a Viper. And you, how many times did you cheat on your wife?” “Only twice, I think,” says the second guy. “Okay. You get to cruise around heaven in a Cadillac. And you, how many times did you cheat on your wife?” “12 times. Maybe 13,” says the third guy. “Okay,”…

One night, Peter was home watching TV when his wife entered the room and asked, "If I died, would you remarry?" Peter thought for a second then said, “Yeah I guess I would.” Then, his wife asked, "Well, would you have her as your golfing partner?" Peter replied, “Yep, I probably would do that too.” "But surely you wouldn't give her my clubs?" she cried. Peter looked at her and said, "Nah, she is left handed!"