New York Jokes

Intercom A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, non-stop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax - OH, MY G-D!" Silence followed, and after a few minutes the captain came back on the intercom and said,…

I once had 4 blowouts at once, but managed to drive on the metal of my rims from New York to New Jersey. I did pretty good, but the hero of the moment was my car. It worked tirelessly.

Lindsey Graham gets new suit On a Senate trip to Japan, Lindsey Graham picked up some silk to have a custom suit made. At a top notch tailor shop in South Carolina, the tailor said with the material, he could make a single breasted suit. Graham decided to wait, took the material to a tailor in New York who told him he could make a double breasted suit, a vest, and an extra pair of pants. He asked, "How can you do so much more with this material than the tailor in South Carolina?" "Well, sen…

Henry Winkler was flying from New York to LA Henry Winkler was flying from New York to LA when an airplane stewardess approached him. She asked "Would you like some headphones? "Henry smiled and replied, "Of course My Dear, by the way, it's pronounced Fonz."

A blonde gets on a plane A blonde woman gets on a plane headed to New York City. As she boards the plane the flight attendant points to her seat near the back of the plane. As she is boarding though she thinks to herself, “I’m awesome and I deserve to be in first class”. So she takes one of the seats up front. The flight attendant sees this and goes up to the woman and says, “Excuse me miss but your seat is back there, you can’t sit here as you did not pay for it.” The blonde responds, “But…

The Pope goes to New York and gets picked up at the airport by a limousine. When he sees the car, he motions to the driver and says: "Do you mind if I ask you a favor?" "A favor for the Pope??" exclaims the driver, "of course - anything!" "You know, I hardly ever get to drive, and I'd really like it if I got to drive now. Would you please let me?" The thought of the Pope getting behind the wheel scared the driver - what if he got into an accident? On the other hand, the driver felt…

A blond and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a plane from New York to Los Angeles. The flight is long. The lawyer ask the blond if she would like to play a game; he asks her a question and if she doesn't know she pays him a dollar and vice versa. Tired

On a visit to New York an Englishman and a Scotsman go to a pastry shop.

Apparently North Korea now has a missile that can hit New York

The Seven Dwarfs Go To Church Father O'Malley was conducting mass at St. Paul's in New York one Sunday

The whole world should be worried that North Korea has a missile that can hit New York... ... because if it can make it there

Nymphomaniac Convention A man boarded an aircraft at London's Heathrow Airport for New York and taking his seat as he settled in

A Scotsman an Englishman and an Irishman are sitting in a bar in New York reminiscing about home.

Lawyers... A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff. He thinks he's smarter being a big shot lawyer from New York and has a better education than an sheriff from West Virginia. The sheriff asks for license and registration. The lawyer asks

North Korea now has a missile that can hit New York which is a bit scary…

I'm concerned with the world news at the moment. Apparently North Korea now has a missile that can hit New York

My husband is like the New York subway... He makes me angry

A man is cleaning out his house and finds a pile of old New York Post papers. He decides he doesn't have any use for them

On a recent trip to New York the Pope saw the most beautiful red car... As the Pope basked in the beauty of the red car

A woman and her son are visiting New York They're walking around

A boy and his father were walking down the streets of New York.. The boy passed a fancy jewelry store and saw an expensive watch that he wanted to buy. ""Can I have this dad?"" ""Sorry

Israeli tourist An Israeli tourist is visiting New York and hires a cab to drive him around the city. He engages the driver in small talk to get better acquainted.

My crush told me that I was like a brother to her while we were in the car... We were driving to New York at the time

Never Argue With A Woman Who Reads An elderly married couple is traveling by car from California to New York for a National Book Conference. After Spending almost eleven hours on the road

A man spends his life working and living in New York and retires to the remote wilderness of Alaska... His house is in the middle of nowhere. He had been living there for months and getting lonely when one day he was out on his property and a man came out of the woods...