Mrs Jokes

The courtroom was packed as testimony began in the sentencing hearing of a woman convicted of murdering her husband of 20 years by poisoning his coffee. The defense attorney knew he had his work cut out for him in order to make his client appear more sympathetic to the Judge, since she had been so ""matter-of-fact"" about the whole thing all during the trial. ""Mrs. Roth,"" he began, ""was there any point that morning where you felt pity for your husband?"" ""Well... yeah... I guess..."" she rep…

A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial -- a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, ""Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"" She responded, ""Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Burns. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, cheat on your wife, you manipulate people, and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you ne…

The Reverend John Fuzz was a pastor of a small congregation in a little Pennsylvania town. One day, walking down Main St., he noticed a female member of his congregation sitting in the town bar, drinking beer. The reverend thought this was sinful and not something a member of his congregation should do. He walked through the open door of the bar and sat down next to the woman. ""Mrs. Fitzgerald,"" the reverend said sternly. ""This is no place for a member of my congregation. Why don't you let me…

Mrs. Goldberg goes to the butcher at least once a week to buy a chicken. She picks it up, pinches it, fondles it, smacks it, then puts her nose in it as if to smell it. Each time she asks ""butcher, Is this chicken fresh?"" Each time the butcher guarentees her that it is as fresh as the day as it is born. One week she came in three times and each time asked for a chicken, went through her ritual: picks it up, pinches it, fondles it, smacks it, then smells it and again asks ""Butcher, is this chi…

After working most of her life Grandma finally retired. At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her. As the young doctor was looking through these, his eyes grew wide as he realized she had a prescription for birth control pills. ""Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are BIRTH CONTROL pills?"" Yes, they help me sleep at night. "" ""Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely NOTHING in these that could possibly help you sleep! …

A Pastor goes to a nursing home for the first time to visit an elderly parishioner. As he is sitting there, he notices a bowl of peanuts beside her bed and takes one. As they continue their conversation, he can't help himself and eats one after another. By the time they are through visiting, the bowl is empty. He says, ""Mrs. Jones, I'm so sorry, but I seem to have eaten all of your peanuts."" ""That's O.K.,"" she says. ""They would have just sat there anyway. Without my teeth, all I can do is s…

A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial--a grandmotherly elderly woman. He approached her and asked ""Mrs. Jones do you know me?"" She responded ""Why yes I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie you cheat on your wife you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never…

Some people ask the secret of Anthony's long marriage. They take time to go to a restaurant two times a week: a little candlelight dinner soft music and a slow walk home. The Mrs. goes Tuesdays; He goes Fridays.

The local courtroom was packed as testimony began in the sentencing hearing of a woman convicted of murdering her husband of 20 years by poisoning his coffee. The defense attorney knew he had his work cut out for him trying to make his client appear more sympathetic to the Judge especially since she had been so ""matter-of-fact"" about the whole thing all during the trial. ""Mrs. Roth"" he began ""was there any point that morning where you felt pity for your husband ?"" ""Well... yeah... I guess…

""Well Mrs. O'Connor so you want a divorce?"" the solicitor questioned his client. ""Tell me about it. Do you have a grudge?"" ""Oh no"" replied Mrs. O'Connor. ""Shure now we have a carport."" The solicitor tried again. ""Well does the man beat you up?"" ""No no"" said Mrs. O'Connor looking puzzled. ""Oi'm always first out of bed."" Still hopeful the solicitor tried once again. ""What I'm trying to find out are what grounds you have."" ""Bless ye sor. We live in a flat -- not even a wind…

A prosecuting attorney called his first witness a grandmotherly elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked ""Mrs. Jones do you know me?"" She responded ""Why yes I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie you cheat on your wife you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything…

Little Johnny walks into school one day to find a substitute in place of his regular teacher. She says ""Hello class I'm Mrs. Prussy. When you say my name class remember it has an ""r"" after the first letter."" The entire class says ""Hello Mrs. Prussy."" A few days later the regular teacher is still sick when Little Johnny gets to his desk the teacher asks what her name is. Johnny thinks hard and the says to the teacher ""I remember it has an ""r"" after the first letter."" ""That's right!"" …

A cub reporter for a small town newspaper was sent out on his first assignment. He submitted the following report to his editor. ""Mrs. Smith was injured in a car accident today. She is recovering in County Hospital with lacerations on her breasts."" The Editor scolded the new reporter ""This is a family paper. We don't use words like breasts around here. Now go back and write something more appropiate!"" The young reporter thought long and hard. Finally he handed the Editor the following report…

Trial in a small town. In a trial, a southern small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand - a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded "why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me." She continued "You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot wh…

The Reverend John Flapps The Reverend John Flapps was the pastor of a small town church in Ireland . One day he was walking down the High Street and he noticed a young lady of his congregation sitting in a pub drinking beer. The Reverend wasn't happy. He walked through the open door of the pub and sat down next to the woman. 'Mrs Fitzgerald,' he said sternly. 'This is no place for a member of my congregation. Why don't you let me take you home?' 'Sure,' she said with a slur, obviously very drun…

In memory of Sir Robin Wiiliams here are lists of top 5 funny jokes that gives me so much laugh.. thanks so much for brighten our day for a while Robin! #1 “Beer commercials usually show big men, manly men, doing manly things: ‘You’ve just killed a small animal. It’s time for a light beer.’ Why not have a realistic beer commercial, with a realistic thing about beer, where someone goes, ‘It’s 5 o’clock in the morning. You’ve just pissed on a dumpster. It’s Miller time.’ #2 “You know, you get th…

Either way, the results are not good The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, 'Hello.' 'Mrs. Sanders, please.' 'Speaking.' 'Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not too good.' 'What do you mean?' Mrs. Sanders asks nervously. 'Well, one of t…

Lawyers -- Be wary of Grandma . . . Lawyers should never ask a Georgia grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer. In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, “Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and …

honest old lady...... In a trial, a small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand. The witness was grand motherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you …

Grandma in Court! In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked: "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded: "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a big shot when you haven't the bra…

Southern Justice Starting a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't th…

A routine call to an elderly patient.. A doctor is making a routine call to one of his elderly patients. He asks, ”And how are you doing today, Mr. Johnson?” Mr. Johnson replies, ”I feel just fine, doc. But you know, it’s the strangest thing. Every night when I get up to pee, the bathroom light goes on for me automatically when I open the door!” The doctor is worried that the old guy is getting senile, so he phones the man’s son, and the son’s wife answers. The doctor tells her, ”Mrs. Johnson, …

The phone rings... ...and the lady of the house answers. "Hello." "May I speak with Mrs. Smith please." "Speaking." "Mrs. Smith, this is Doctor Kent at Metro Labs. When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, we also received a biopsy from another Mr. Smith as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not too good." "What do you mean?" Mrs. Smith asks nervously. "Well, one of the specimens tested positive for …

Hillary Clinton has a seizure during the debate... "Mrs. Clinton," the Moderator asks, "What is your plan to lower the national debt?" Suddenly, Hillary flails her arms around, rolls her eyes wildly, foams at the mouth, and gibbers incoherently for several awkward minutes. Finally, she collapses in a heap and soils herself. "Hey!" Trump interrupts, "Is she allowed to just steal my answer like that??"

Mr. Smith goes to the Doctor complaining about a constant headache The Doctor runs some tests and tells the guy, “Take these pills for a month. These are very potent, so you take one of these one day and then skip a day and then take another one the next day and skip the next day and so on for a month. You can visit me after a month “ A few months go by and the doctor runs into the man’s wife in the market one day. “Mrs. Smith! How nice to see you here. How are you doing and how’s your husban…