Money Jokes

I just want a girl that's nice and sweet that doesn't require a lot of money and I can dunk them in milk wait, a cookie, I want a cookie

from Jabba the Hutt's perspective Star Wars is the story of a guy who owed him money and then instead of paying had his friends murder him

Instead of a wallet, I always keep my money in an envelope that says "For the orphans" so people will feel terrible if I'm ever murdered.

Don't let people tell you that life after college is nothing but being poor and tired. It's 100% true, but it's more fun if it's a surprise.

Congrats, you've been selected for the job Me: Whats the salary? 10k now and will increase to 25k later Me: Ok then, I will come later

Homeless man: Change please Me: sorry dude I don't have any money on me Homeless man: No, change...That outfit is hideous

Rest of world: don't do anything crazy plz UK: fk u we used to own u watch this *does backflip *money falls out of pockets *cracks head open

The Whole Foods next to this movie theater is perfect if you want to sneak in your own snacks, but don't want to save a lot of money.

the only exercise this month ive done is running out of money

6 said he isn't sleeping in his room cause the tooth fairy sounds creepy but he left the tooth cuz he needs the money. -No DNA test needed

This chick last night told me to do her like her ex husband so I drained her bank accounts and banged her sister

[job interview] "any questions?" yeah is it Pets Mart or Pet Smart? "ma'am this is a bank" I know but you seem like a man with some answers

This census and Tax stuff is crap. I want to live in a country that doesn't assign homework.

I bring my own pen into the bank because I don't need any god dammed chains telling me where I can and cannot write

I take for granite people's poor grammar. More pacifically, how there always thinking "for all intensive purposes" is supposably correct.

"This is all your fault!" -Billionaire showing son his deed for all the land along the San Andreas Fault

*wears reindeer antlers* *innocently smiles* *bats eyelashes* *steals your wallet*

Someone flipped me off so I threw my wallet at him and said "I love you." He didn't even die. Killing people with kindness is hard.

Be on the lookout for a armed psychic midget who just robbed a bank and got away....the police now have a SMALL MEDIUM at LARGE!! ba dum dum

Breaking News. Apple is to buy Ireland to solve the debt problem. It will be rebranded iLand

I hope that guy that "wants to be a billionaire" makes $999,999,999.00 and then gets hit by a bus

*Pulls gun* Alright give me the money, and don't try anything stupid." *Tries to put a fork in a light socket* "Hey! What did I just say"!?

I have decided to leave my past behind me, so if I owe you money... I'm sorry, but I've moved on, and maybe it's time that you do too.

Usually when I try to be slick and say "keep the change," the money I've handed over doesn't cover what I'm trying to purchase

Well son, your mom was the prettiest lady at that entire Gathering of the Juggalos, and I would've traded THREE wallet chains to be with her