I wanna work at a bank so I can get that employee discount on money

Brought my 5 year old to the tax office to ensure that the accountant works as quickly as possible.

[At job interview] Interviewer: So tell me why you want this job. Me: I have no money and I prefer when I have money.

I've got a banana in my drawer that I took from the office fruit basket. In 3 weeks my co-workers will pay me to throw it away. Easy money.