← Back to all jokes

Lawyer Jokes

Jokes

A book Joke Two books were doing a drug deal when the deal went south. They got into a shoot out and one book was hit in the appendix. The other book got shot, but not seriously wounded. The police saw the scene and knew the case would be open and shut. They had a material witness that had a spine and was willing to testify. They found the book and could read the guilt all over him. They bound him and booked him at the station. The judge really wanted to throw the book at the defendant, but was

0
WhatsApp

Bad Joke of the Day: March 13, 2015 (x-post /r/badjokes) A doctor and a lawyer in separate cars got into a collision one foggy night. It wasn't clear who was to blame, but both parties that were rattled, and the lawyer offer the doctor a drink from a pocket flask. With a shaking hand, the doctor gratefully accepted the flask and took a couple of big swallows. As the lawyer started to put the cap back on the flask, the doctor asked, ""Aren't you going to have one, too, to calm your nerves?"" ""O

0
WhatsApp

Tractor Accident A guy named Matt was obsessed with tractors. He would enter tractor competitions, he would collect tractor figures, he loved tractors. One day he decides to enter a competition, but this time he is the judge. To win the competition, the tractor has to pull as much weight as it can up a 30m hill. As Matt was watching, the cable broke and swung around, hitting him in the leg. It was a very serious injury and the doctors told him he could never walk again. A few months later, he me

0
WhatsApp

An old Indian living in a tent.... An old Indian is living in a tent in a field. One day, construction workers drive their equipment into this field and find the old Indian. They ask him ""Old Indian, what's your name?"" The old Indian says ""Bowels"". Construction workers say ""Well, you're going to have to move. We're building something here and you're in the way."" Old Indian says ""Bowels no move."" The construction workers take pity on him and give the old Indian directions to a lawyer's of

0
WhatsApp

A man gets caught commiting an act of bestiality with a goat... He confides in his lawyer friend who tells him not to worry because he'll take the case and he's never lost because he can always pick the most sympathetic juries. It's the day of the trial and the farmer takes the stand and says ""I done seen this guy hop over the fence, positioned his' self behind the goat, commenced to unbuckling his belt, dropped his pants, then done the deed for five or so minutes. Then he fell on his back, bel

0
WhatsApp

Divorce A hillbilly walked into an lawyer's office wanting to file for divorce. Lawyer: ""May I help you?"" Hillbilly: ""Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorces"". Lawyer: ""Well do you have any grounds?"" Hillbilly: ""Yea, I got about a hundred acres."" Lawyer: ""No, you don't understand, do you have a case?"" Hillbilly: ""No, I don't have a Case, but I have a John Deere."" Lawyer: ""I mean, do you have a grudge?"" Hillbilly: ""Yea, I got a grudge. That's where I park my John Deere."" Lawyer:

0
WhatsApp

An elderly woman is called to the stand.... In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecutor called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked,""Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"" She responded, ""Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a small boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brain

0
WhatsApp

My all time favourite joke, probs because of the moral (religious). READ IF YOU STUDY! Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who managed to get the most out of his computer. This had been going on for days and God was tired of hearing all of the bickering. God said, ""Cool it. I am going to set up a test that will run two hours and I will judge who does the better job."" So down they sat at the keyboards and typed away. They moused away. They did spreadsheets, They wrote reports.

0
WhatsApp

An Amish woman discovers an elevator There was an elderly, Amish woman who went with her family to a mall for the first time in their lives. The whole family was mesmerized by the hundreds of stores, the lights, the food court. And then, for the first time in her life, the Amish woman saw an elevator. She watched as an elderly man approached the elevator doors and entered. The doors closed. A minute later, the doors opened and a guy looking like George Clooney stepped out. She saw another old gu

0
WhatsApp