Hillary Clinton Jokes

The devil's offer One day, a number of years ago, the devil visited Hillary Clinton at her law office in Arkansas. "I can arrange some things for you, " the devil said. "I'll increase your income five-fold. Your partners will love you; your clients will respect you; you'll have four months of vacation each year and live to be a hundred. One day, I might even make you President. All I require in return is that your husband's soul, your daughter's soul, and her children's souls rot in hell for et…

Hillary Clinton is the Windows 10 of the election She's terrible at keeping your information safe, keeps promising new upgrades but really has been the same OS since 98, and is constantly trying to install herself when you're happy with the system you've been using for the last 8 years.

An average American voter walks into a bar ... ... and sees Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton huddled together at the end of the bar, whispering to one another. Intrigued, the voter approaches the pair and asks them what they are doing. "We're planning the 2016 election," brags Trump. "What's going to be different about it this year?" the voter asks. "Well," Clinton replies, "We're going to rig the vote count and put me in office, as well as delete a few of my emails." "What's so important …

The 2016 Presidential Race is ending... It's the end of the 2016 presidential race and the people of the United States hated all the candidates so much that nobody voted. The government is in a panic trying to figure out what to do to decide who the next president will be. Finally, Barack Obama comes up with an idea: a literal presidential race. The three candidates would run a lap around the White House and the person with the best time would become president. Bernie Sanders goes first, but be…

The embarrasing email Hillary Clinton doesn't want anyone to know about

Hillary Clinton is gonna be our first f president Oops, someone deleted the emale

It's the end of the 2016 Presidential race The people of the US hated all the candidates so much that no one voted. The government is in a panic, trying to figure out what to do to decide who the next president will be. Finally, Barack Obama comes up with an idea: A literal presidential race. The three candidates would run a lap around the white house, and the best time would become president. Bernie Sanders goes first, but being as old as he is, he takes 24 minutes. Trump goes next and post…

Hillary Clinton and her driver were cruising along a country road one night when all of a sudden they hit a pig, killing it instantly. Hillary told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. About one hour later Hillary sees her driver staggering back to the car with a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and his clothes all ripped and torn. ”What happened to you?” asked Hillary. ”Well, the Farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the …

Hillary Clinton is elected President. On her first night in the White House (not counting when she was first lady), she is visited by the ghost of George Washington. She asks, "What can I do to help America?" Washington replies "Serve your country selflessly and always be honest" *Hillary laughs in his face* On her second day in the White House, she is visited by the ghost of Thomas Jefferson. She asks, "What can I do to help America?" Jefferson replies "Remember that governments derive t…

Hilary Clinton dies While walking down the street one day a corrupt Hillary Clinton was tragically hit by a car and died. Her soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. "Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you." "No problem, just let me in," says Hillary Clinton. "Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from the higher ups. What …

Hillary Clinton speaks to the schoolchildren Teacher: Class please welcome Hillary Clinton today. She will answer your questions. Hillary: Hello class. Who has the first question? *Johnny raises hand* Johnny: My name is Johnny. I have 3 questions. - Why did you lie about Benghazi? - What was in those emails you deleted? - And does your pattern of corruption mean we can never trust you? *The recess bell rings and the children return 40 minutes later.* Hillary: Ok. Where were we? Who has a …

Hillary Clinton was invited to address a major gathering of the American Indian Nation two weeks ago in upstate New York. She spoke for almost an hour about her plans for increasing every Native American’s present standard of living. She referred to her time as a U.S. Senator and how she had voted for every Native American issue that came to the floor of the Senate. Although Hillary was vague about the details of her plans, she seemed most enthusiastic and spoke eloquently about her ideas for …

Investigating Hillary Clinton is like fishing on Discovery Channel ... you catch them, you show them, and you let them go.

Hillary Clinton comes home one day and finds Bill putting a large box back into the closet... ...she asks him what it's for and he responds, "Don't worry honey. Just forget about it." She does until a few weeks later when her curiosity peaks. She looks in the box and finds $80,000 and 2 soda cans. When bill gets home she asks him about the box and why there's $80,000 and soda cans in there. He responds, "well honey, I put a soda can in there everytime I cheat on you." Hillary responds, "Well…

So Hillary Clinton logs into her e-mail

The Joker is in a room with Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump, and has a gun with one bullet, who does he shoot? Neither. Some men just want to watch the world burn.

Q&A Time w/Hillary Clinton Hillary Clinton goes to a gifted-student primary school in New York to talk about the world. After her talk she offers to answer questions from the kids. One little boy puts up his hand. Hillary asks him what his name is. "Kenny," he says. "And what is your question, Kenny?" she asks. "I have three questions," he says. "First -- what happened in Benghazi? "Second -- why would you run for president if you are not capable of handling two e-mail accounts? "Third -- …

Hillary Clinton has a seizure during the debate... "Mrs. Clinton," the Moderator asks, "What is your plan to lower the national debt?" Suddenly, Hillary flails her arms around, rolls her eyes wildly, foams at the mouth, and gibbers incoherently for several awkward minutes. Finally, she collapses in a heap and soils herself. "Hey!" Trump interrupts, "Is she allowed to just steal my answer like that??"

Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton set aside their differences to talk to a group of third graders... So Hillary tells the students, "Today we are going to talk about the difference between a tragedy, a great loss, and an accident. Can anyone give me an example of a tragedy?" A little boy raises his hand and says, "If a kid runs out on the street after a ball and gets hit by a car?" Donald goes, "No, that would be an accident, can anyone else try?" A little girl raises her hand and says, "If a …

Hillary Clinton walks into a bar... Hillary Clinton walks into a bar with a pig on a leash. The bartender looks at them and says "You can't bring that cow in here!" Hillary replies, "It's a pig, not a cow." The bartender says "I was talking to the pig."

Hillary Clinton goes to a gifted-student primary school....... Hillary Clinton goes to a gifted-student primary school in New York to talk about the world. After her talk she offers to answer questions from the kids. One little boy puts up his hand. Hillary asks him what his name is. "Kenny," he says. "And what is your question, Kenny?" she asks. "I have three questions," he says. "First -- what happened in Benghazi? "Second -- why would you run for president if you are not capable of handl…

If Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump were in a car crash, who would survive? America

Hillary Clinton is going to be the first f president... ... Oops, I meant to say female but someone deleted the emale

Hillary Clinton goes t o a gifted-student primary school in New York to talk about the world. After her talk she offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand. Hillary asks him what his name is. "Kenneth," he says And what is your question, Kenneth?" she asks. I have three questions," he says. "1st -- whatever happened in Benghazi? 2nd -- why would you run for president if you are not capable of handling two e-mail accounts? And, 3rd -- whatever happened to the missing six-bill…

The Ant and the Grasshopper CLASSIC VERSION: The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold. MODERN VERSION: The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The …