George Washington Jokes

Be the change you wish to see in the world. -Abraham Lincoln, George Washington, Franklin D. Roosevelt, and Thomas Jefferson

I received the oddest dollar bill as change. When I looked closely, I noticed that George Washington was wearing face-paint, a wig, and round, red nose. It was obviously a clownterfeit.

What would George Washington do if he were alive right now? Scream and scratch at the top of his coffin.

Osama bin Laden dies and goes to heaven . . . . . . . . So he's waiting at this gate when all of a sudden, George Washington comes out. ""You attacked the country I helped found!"" and beats the crap out of him. Then he goes back inside and Thomas Jefferson comes out. ""You hate the Declaration of Independence that I wrote!"" And beats the ever-loving shit out of him. Then he goes back inside. The James Madison comes out. ""You son-of a bitch . . .""and starts beating Osama some more. ""Oh Merci…

Funny comeback from a student TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him? LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.

What's the difference between George Washington and Nicki Minaj? [Nicki Minaj never owned slaves.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gr1p4KtgOXc)

What would George Washington do if he were alive today? Scream and scratch at the top of his coffin. [Source](http://anti-joke.com/anti-joke/popular/1759-what-would-george-washington-do-if-he-were-alive-today-scream-and-scratch-at-the-top-of-his-coffin)

George Washington and two other people go to Heaven... Mahatma Gandhi and two other people die and go to heaven. However, they're really far from the gates and must get there somehow. Someone comes up to them and says, ""I can get you a car to reach the gates. The car'll depend on how many kids you had when you were alive."" The first person says he had 2 children. The person replies, ""Well, that's not too many."" And whips up a sports car for him to drive to the Gates. The second person says t…

What did George Washington say to his men on March 3rd Tomorrow we march forth

George Washington was at a presidential dinner party... ...with his wife. They got separated and after awhile, George went looking for her. He saw Abraham Lincoln and asked if he'd seen her. Honest Abe hadn't, but promised to help George look. After a while, Abe saw George standing over with his wife. He went over to talk to them and said, ""Founder, eh?""

Dumb jokes that are funny. THIS IS PART 2 part 1: http://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/10ufom/dumb_jokes_that_are_funny_pt1/ Q: How do you fix a broken tuba? A: With a tuba glue! Q: What's the last thing that goes through a bug's mind when it hits a windshield? A: Its butt. Q: Where does George Washington keep his armies? A: In his sleevies. Q: What kind of flower is on your face? A: Tulips! Q: What do you do when you see a spaceman? A: Park your car, man. Q: What is invisible and smells like …

George washington said ""We would have a black president when pigs fly!"" ... well, swine flu.

Once there was a little boy that lived in the country. They had to use an outhouse, and the little boy hated it because it was hot in the summer and cold in the winter and stank all the time. The outhouse was sitting on the bank of a creek and the boy determined that one day he would push that outhouse into the creek. One day after a spring rain, the creek was swollen so the little boy decided today was the day to push the outhouse into the creek. So he got a large stick and started pushing. Fin…

Hillary Clinton gets elected President and is spending her first night in the White House. She has waited so long..... The ghost of George Washington appears, and Hillary says, ""How can I best serve my country?"" Washington says, ""Never tell a lie."" ""Ouch!"" Says Hillary, ""I don't know about that."" The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson appears... Hillary says, ""How can I best serve my country?"" Jefferson says, ""Listen to the people."" ""Ohhh! I really don't want to do that."" On…

Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her US government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about. Bambi pondered the question then finally said, ""That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware.""

The Late Osama After dying a grisly death in a fire fight, Osama made his way to the pearly gates. There, he was greeted by George Washington. ""How dare you attack the nation I helped conceive!"" yelled Washington, slapping Osama in the face. Patrick Henry came up from behind, ""You wanted to end the American's liberty, so they gave you death!"" Henry punched Osama in the nose. James Madison came next and said, ""This is why I allowed the government to provide for the common defense!"" He took …

When George Washington was crossing the Delaware River with his troops, there were 33 (remember this number) in Washington's boat. It was extremely dark and storming furiously and the water was tossing them about. Finally, Washington grabbed Corporal Peters (remember this name) and stationed him at the front of the boat with a lantern. He ordered him to keep swinging it, so they could see where they were heading. Corporal Peters, through driving rain and cold, continued swinging the lantern back…

If George Washington were alive today why couldn't he throw a silver dollar across the Potomac? Because a dollar doesn't go as far as it used to.

A man who thinks he's George Washington has been seeing a psychiatrist. He finishes up one session by telling him ""Tomorrow we'll cross the Delaware and surprise them when they least expect it."" As soon as he's gone the psychiatrist picks up the phone and says ""King George this is Benedict Arnold. I have the plans.""

One of the bachelors in the apartment development sneaked up behind an older woman covered her eyes with his hands and said ""I'm going to kiss you if you can't tell me who I am in three guesses."" She quickly answered ""George Washington! Thomas Jefferson! Abraham Lincoln!""

When crossing the Delaware River why did George Washington stand up in the boat ? He was afraid that if he sat down that someone would give him an oar to row !

How did you do in your tests ? I did what George Washington did ! What was that ? Went down in history !

What did George Washington have to do with Gorillas? As little as possible dummy!

When George Washington was a general why did he like to have dogs around? They were very helpful during the ""Roverlutionary War!""

When Abraham Liebowitz gets to school he discovers that he is the only Jewish kid in the class. But it's a decent town and nobody really bothers him. One day the teacher asks the class ""Who was the greatest person who ever lived? and why?"" And to make it interesting she held a twenty dollar bill in the air and said ""whoever gives the best answer will get this twenty dollars"". All of the kids called out their guesses. One said ""George Washington - because he was the father of our countr…