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Engineer Jokes

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A priest, a Teacher, and an Engineer. 3 of them are best friends and one weekend they decided to go to town to have a drink and inadvertently got drunk to a point of blacking out. Upon waking up they found themselves arrested, guiltily charged of a crime and sentenced to death by electrocution. The priest is strapped to the chair "Any last words?" "I may have sinned by drinking to drunkenness, but for all the good deeds I have done and all the faith I have put into people, I believed that god

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Golf jokes today is it? Here's mine A three-man group, a doctor, a priest, and an engineer are playing a golf course on a beautiful summer day. After a few holes they realize the group ahead of them is progressing incredibly slowly; the doctor flags down the groundskeeper and asks "What's taking them so long? I've got patients to see this afternoon!" The grounds keeper explains, "Well, we had a fire in the clubhouse a few years back. A group of firefighters was able to save it, but they lost

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A message to the people of the Moon In 1968, NASA was testing equipment to be used for Moon missions. They went to the Arizona desert to perform their tests. While tests were in progress, an old Chief approached a NASA engineer to ask questions through his grandson, acting as interpreter. "The Chief wants to know what exactly you are doing here." "We're testing equipment for upcoming missions to the Moon", said the engineer. The Chief heard the translation and said something to his grandson

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Man finds a Genie in a bottle Man walking along the beach finds a bottle, opens it, out pops a Genie "Ok, great you found me and all but im busy and you get One Wish. Take it or leave it" "Well, jeez, I always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I hate flying, and I get sea Sick. How bout a highway from San Francisco to Hawaii" "Are you nuts? Do you know how long a bridge that would be? How deep the pylons would go? Why the Engineering alone would be a Monumental undertaking....Pick something

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A man was crossing a road when a frog called out to him and... ...said: "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful woman." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said: "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful woman I will stay with you for an entire week!" The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it in to his pocket. The frog cried out: "If you kiss me and turn me back into a woman, I'll stay with you for a

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One of the smarter jokes I've picked up... An engineer, a theoretical physicist, an experimental physicist and a philosopher are walking the hills of Scotland when they spot a black sheep. The engineer exclaims "well whaddaya know! the sheep in Scotland are black!" The theoretical physicist replies, "..well, SOME of the sheep in Scotland are black." The experimental physicist retorts, "we can safely say, at least one sheep in Scotland is black." The philosopher says, ".... on one side, anyw

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A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers... A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers... The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!" The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him." He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with

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Two guys are in a helicopter. During their flight the helicopter encounters some dense fog and quickly becomes lost. After a few minutes of careful maneuvering, the two find themselves hovering next to a large building where they can see a guy in his office, sitting at his desk. Thinking quickly, the copilot grabs a piece of paper, writes "WHERE ARE WE?" in huge letters on it, and holds it up for the officeworker to read. The officeworker grabs a sheet of paper off his desk, scribbles quickly

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Three engineers are riding in a car. One is a mechanical engineer, one is an electrical engineer, and one is a computer engineer. The car breaks down and coasts to the side of the road. "Hang on," says the mechanical engineer. "The problem is probably the engine, let me have a look at it and I'll have us on the road again in no time." "Wait," says the electrical engineer. "The way it just stopped like that, I think it's the electrical system. Let me have a look and I'll get us going again i

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A Manager and an Engineer A man is flying in a hot air balloon above the mountains. He's lost, so when he sees a man walking down below, he yells out to him. "Excuse me sir, can you tell me where I am?" yells the man in the balloon. The man walking on the ground says "Certainly. You're 30 feet up in the air, in a hot air balloon travelling over the mountains!". The man in the balloon, understandably angry with the answer goes "Well now I'm truly lost. You sir must be an engineer!". The man on t

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An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are all attending a conference. By chance they wind up staying on the same floor of a certain hotel. Late that evening, the engineer is awoken by the smell of smoke. He steps into the hallway and sees a small fire. Thinking quick, he dumps out his wastepaper basket, fills it with water, and douses the flames. Satisfied, he goes back to bed. Later still, the physicist is also awoken by the smell of smoke. When he investigates, he finds a second fi

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A Priest, a Drunkard, and an Engineer On a beautiful Sunday afternoon in the midst of the French Revolution the revolting citizens led a priest, a drunkard and an engineer to the guillotine. They ask the priest if he wants to face up or down when he meets his fate. The priest says he would like to face up so he will be looking towards heaven when he dies. They raise the blade of the guillotine and release it. It comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his neck. The authorities t

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A quite mean joke A physicist, an engineer, and a statistician go on a hunting trip, they are walking through the woods when they spot a deer in a clearing. The physicist calculates the distance of the target, the velocity and drop of the bullet, adjusts his rifle and fires, missing the deer 5 feet to the left. The engineer rolls his eyes. 'You forgot to account for wind. Give it here', he snatches the rifle, licks his finger and estimates the speed and direction of the wind and fires, missing

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A doctor, a lawyer, a priest, and an engineer are golfing... ... and they keep getting held up by a twosome in front of them. The two guys can't hit straight, take forever to find their balls, they are terrible, and no amount of yelling at them seems to help. Finally the greenskeeper comes around in his cart so they flag him down. The greenskeeper says, "Oh, those two guys are the firemen who rescued the orphans from the burning building last year! They are both blind and can't hear very we

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An engineer dies... An engineer dies and stands before St. Peter at the gates of heaven. After going through all his records, St. Peter finds that the man must go to hell. The engineer complains, as he's always been loyal to his wife and friends, never stolen, and always tried to lead a good life. "I'll take it up with the boss," says St. Peter. "But it will be a few weeks before we get an answer, and until then you'll have to stay in hell." Two weeks later, after the case has been gone ov

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Three engineers were arguing about what kind of engineer God is Three engineers were arguing about what kind of engineer God is. Electrical engineer: "surely God is an electrical engineer, the brain and nerves are a symphony of exquisite circuitry." Mechanical engineer: "no, look at the ballet between bone, muscle and sinew. God must be a mechanical engineer." Civil engineer: "God is a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipe right through a recreational area." *^\(the* *^joke*

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Three engineers and three accountants were traveling by train... Three engineers and three accountants were traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each bought tickets and watched as the three engineers bought only one ticket. "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asked an accountant. "Watch and you'll see", answered an engineer. They all boarded the train. The accountants took their respective seats, but the three engineers all crammed

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An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are staying at a hotel. The engineer wakes up and smells smoke. He goes out into the hallway and sees a fire, so he fills a trashcan from his room with water and douses the fire. He goes back to bed. Later, the physicist wakes up and smells smoke. He opens his door and sees a fire in the hall, for it has reignited. He finds a fire hose, and, after calculating velocity, distance, water pressure, trajectory, etc., he extinguishes the fire with the min

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The Job Interview This is a joke my friend told me a while back: A company has opened a new position and is trying to fill it from a pool of candidates with diverse majors. First the interviewer calls in an art major. The interview goes well, and the interviewer asks one last question: "what's 9x9?" The art major thinks and replies, "I don't know, but that sounds, like a great idea for a painting." He then leaves the interview, and the next candidate, a music major, enters. The interview goes

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New bikes for "clever" engineers. Mike, an engineer, rides his new bike to his friends Rob's house who is also an engineer. Rob asks Mike where he got the new bike. Mike tells Rob about the encounter he had that very morning. He said that a beautiful bombshell blonde woman came riding up to his house while he was out front watering the lawn. He proceeds to tell Rob that she stopped in front of his house on the bike, took off all of her clothes and said take what you want. Rob looks at Mike a

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As told by an Austrian engineer Three engineers, a Brit, a Frenchman, and an Austrian, were found guilty of treason in a former colony. The sentence was death by guillotine, but the engineers were given a choice of receiving the penalty face-up, or face-down. The Brit chose face-up and the blade miraculously stopped inches short of his throat. This was seen as a sign from God, and the Brit was set free. The French engineer also chose face-up, and once again, the blade stopped inches from the th

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