Engineer Jokes

Supplies A Frenchman, an Englishman, a German and a Japanese are all stranded on an island. They decide to make the Place a little More homely and it. is Decided That each Person shall take on a particular role. The Englishman is an architect, so he is given the task of building a suitable dwelling. The German is an engineer, so he is given the task of equipping the house with running water, heating, cooking facilities etc. the Frenchman is a professional chef, so he is to provide the food. The …

Three engineers are at dinner... An electrical, mechanical, and civil engineer are at dinner and begin to debate which discipline would be most capable of designing the human body. The electrical engineer immediately pipes up and to state why his discipline is well suited for the job. Seeing as the neurological system behaves similar to electric circuitry, it's quite obvious that the EE's were most apt. The mechanical engineer scoffs and immediately challenges the EE, saying that the mechE's are…

Engineer's Joke I have a girlfriend!

A Mechanical Engineer goes to Hell... One day a mechanical engineer woke up dead, and found himself in Hell, where he was greeted by Satan himself. Satan welcomed him to the place and asked him if there were any questions? After quickly looking around, the ME asked about the really beautiful island out in the lava floe, and asked why no one was out there enjoying the place. ""Well, to tell you the truth, no one has ever asked that question""...A day or two later, the ME came back to the devil an…

Engineering joke At work today I told an engineer I liked the cool shapes in his design. ""Oh, it's not intentional,"" he responded. ""It's mostly in compression.""

Engineers Two engineering students are walking along and the first engineering student asks, ""Hey where did you get the new bike?"". The second engineering student replies, ""It was the craziest day, there I am headed to class and all of a sudden this hot girl rides up to me with the bike. Then she throws the bike down, takes all her clothes off and says 'Take what you want!'"". The first engineering student nods his head and says, ""Smart choice, there's no way those clothes would've fit"".

For the New Graduates Out There... The graduate with a science degree asks, ""Why does it work?"" The graduate with an engineering degree asks, ""How does it work?"" The graduate with an accounting degree asks, ""How much will it cost?"" The graduate with an arts degree asks, ""Do you want fries with that?""

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers... The engineer fumed, ""What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"" The doctor chimed in, ""I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"" The priest said, ""Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him."" He said, ""Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"" The green-keeper replied, ""Oh, yes. That'…

Glass with Water This joke is said so many times, there must be some good variations. I want to know if you guys heard any. Standard: There is a glass of water to the halfway point. People are asked to describe the glass. Optimist: Half Full Pessimist: Half Empty Engineer: Glass is twice as big as it needs to be Example Variation: Mathematician: It depends on how the glass achieved it's current state. (Limits, anyone?)

I wait tables with an obnoxious ex-mechanical engineer... ...he's always going on and on about the restaurant's utensil modulus.

Structural Engineering Because architects don't know what physics is.

3 Engineers are discussing what type of engineer God is... Engineer #1 Obviously a Structural Engineer,like me. Look at the skeleton! Its art! Engineer #2 Obviously a Electrical Engineer, like me. Look at the Nervous System! Genius! Engineer #3 He's not a City Planner, like me... You Never put a waste treatment center so close to a recreational facility!

So an engineer, a psychologist, and a physicist are called into a dairy farm that is low on production... They're each given a day to inspect the farm, then they each deliver a thesis on how best to increase production. The engineer goes first; he says that if each stall is decreased in area by 40 inches, housing capacity could be doubled. The psychologist then says that if the walls were painted green the cows would be more relaxed and likely produce more milk. When the physicist is called in h…

Stuck Inside...thought I'd share a joke! THE MANAGER AND THE ENGINEER A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a man below. He descended a bit more and shouted, ""Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."" The man below replied, ""You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 42 degrees north latitude and between 58 and 60 degrees w…

An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician are staying at a hotel... ...when at night, a hotel wide fire starts and spreads from the bottom floor upwards. The three professors quickly head up to the roof. From there they see a swimming pool on the ground, 50 stories below them. The engineer says he will try first. He makes a rough calculation, runs, jumps and ... lands a few meters next to the pool and dies immediately. The physicists sees this, thinks that if the engineer almost made it and s…

A Texan tycoon... ...buys a manufacturing company, but he wants to change the factory design. ""It's too darn depressin'! The em-ploy-ees'll not wanna work as hard!"" So, he hires a brilliant, young engineer to work on it. After a while, he brings in his first draft to the tycoon. The tycoon looks at it with a grimace and says, ""Naw, son, this ain't gonna work. Why dontcha try again?"" After a longer time, the engineer comes back with another draft. The tycoon says, ""Hmm... This here's alright…

What did the network engineer give to his fiancee? A token ring.

A programmer and an engineer are sitting next to each other on a long flight from Los Angeles to New York. The programmer leans over to the engineer and asks if he would like to play a fun game. The engineer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The programmer persists and explains that the game is real easy and is a lot of fun. He explains ""I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a que…

Electrical Joke Dad was a Bell System engineer. I told him that he had put up with BS for 40 years. But that is not his joke. His was: How long is a short circuit? As long as it takes to ***find*** it!

manager told me this one at dinner last weekend Working in the field of engineering, things can get pretty dull...so here it goes. There once was a man, lets call him John, who applied for a position at Tyco to manufacture Tickle-me Elmos. He figured he would make the cut as he knew the hiring manager. John landed the job and was told he'd be needed right away. John reports to duty the next day and is immediately greeted by a man storming out of the building who obviously just got fired. On his …

One of these things is not like the other Which one of these things is not like the other? -A large all dressed pizza & bread sticks -A degree in neuroscience -A degree in theoretical mathematics -A degree in engineering Answer: A degree theoretical mathematics. Reasoning: All of these can feed a family of four except for the answer

Once a DOCTOR and an ENGINEER entered a chocolate store... As they were busy looking around, doctor stole 3 chocolate bars... As they left the store, doctor said to Engineer : ""Man! I'm the best thief ever, I stole 3 chocolates and no one saw me. You can't beat that"" Engineer replied: ""You wanna see something better? Let's go back to the shop and I'll show you real stealing"" So they went to the counter and Engineer said to the Shop boy: ""Do you wanna see magic..?"" The Shop boy replied: ""Y…

Engineer's Percentage A Joke about Engineer's percentage in Projects: An English and an Asian Engineers were friends at University. After Graduation, the Asian Visited the English... The English Engineer had a Well-decorated Big house and an expensive Car... The Asian asked him: How did u get all this in such a short time. English Engr: U see that Bridge? Asian: Yeah... English: 10% of it is in my pocket After Sometime, the English Visit the Asian... He was surprised to see, that he had Got a mu…

Scottish sheep An engineer, physicist, and mathematician are on a train going towards Aberdeen in Scotland. Out of the window, the engineer notices a black sheep on the side of a hill. He quips, ""How very strange. Scottish sheep are black!"" The physicist balks, ""No, no. All we know is only some Scottish sheep are black."" ""You're both wrong,"" said the mathematician. ""In this region of Scotland, there are one or more sheep, at least one side of which appears to be black from here when obser…

An engineer, physicist and mathematician are in an interview (with no accountants) ... An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician are in an interview. The engineer is asked, 'What is 2+2?'. The engineer instantly pulls out his calculator, but since its floating point processor firmware has a bug, 2+2 gives him 3.999 which he tells the panel. The physicist is asked the same question, and he replies 'Well, using a back of the envelope calculation, 2 is order of magnitude 1. Adding two numbers of…