Dating Jokes

How to Get a Girlfriend: Out at Sea Me: *rocks boat* Her: Hey! Me: *rocks faster* Her: Can we PLEASE go steady? Me: I do.

Her: My father is very upset that I'm your girlfriend. Me: Well, duh, I'm very upset that you're my girlfriend...

[walks in to UPS store holding rabid raccoon] Hi my boyfriend said he wants to take a break so I'd like to ship him this please.

My mom accidentally killed my boyfriend this weekend. She didn't recognize him when she was canning pickles.

Dating a woman in 5 easy steps: 1. Be attentive 2. Don't be too attentive 3. Show interest 4. Don't show too much interest 5. Seek therapy

Boyfriend: you want to go see the new Star Wars? Me: I LOVE STAR WARS BF: which was your fav Me: duh, Sorcerer's Stone

I bought my girlfriend a treadmill and a Victoria's Secret catalogue.

Girlfriend mentioned she was lacking iron in her diet.nnnI gave her all my wrinkled shirts.nnnAnd that's how the fight started.

*friend gets divorced Mon* *friend goes on date Tues* *I break up with boyfriend* *15 years later I casually smile back at a stranger*

just Facebook stalked the sister of the new boyfriend of the last girl who dated my ex. I'm just as confused as you are

My 13yo just dumped his girlfriend and now he's attempting to get his hoodie back. He's in for one hell of a life lesson.

Son, when a man and a woman love each other very much that means they've probably only been dating 6-8 months.

As my girlfriend was trying on jeans, a clerk asked her "Need a bigger size?" I saw the look on her face and went to make room in the trunk.

My boyfriend is tall, strong, protective and flashes me regularly. Oh no wait. I'm thinking of a lighthouse again.

"You Americans are so uptight!" dude from Europe who just kissed your girlfriend on the mouth

Three ways to tell if you're dating an Octopus: 1. They give awesome hugs 2. They have no skeleton 3. Every date is at the aquarium

Me: "Excuse me, hi" Her: "Um, I have a boyfriend" Me: "Good for you. I was trying to say your herpes cream fell out of your purse"

"You go girl" - asking my girlfriend to move out, but sassy like

I have two boyfriends! Well, I'm dating two men Okay. Ben and I are just friends Same with Jerry Fine. I have ice cream. But it's love.

*Kanye West's dating show* 10 women stand in front of me and I only have 9 roses. BUT WAIT... They're all for me *Kanye wins dating show*

"Do you want to be the numerator or the denominator tonight...? You're so radical!" How I hit on my imaginary mathematician girlfriend

When my boyfriend gives me a hug during an argument, it looks loving, but I'm just patting him down to make sure he's not wearing a wire.

Whenever your girlfriend tells you she's on her period remember not to say things like "that explains it."

Am I supposed to bring condoms to a speed dating event? How fast do these things actually go?

Met someone on Craigslist, guess I'm dating a grill now.