Stalin Jokes

You know Stalin tried to invade Scandinavia But he just couldn't finnish

Why did the Kremlin sacrifice 8.7 million soldiers during WWII? They were just Stalin for time.

Me and my Girlfriend just broke up We had different views on history, I wanted to Hitler and she was just Stalin.

In 1940 Russia, a poor man with no car was late to his daughter's wedding. He hitchhiked there with an unexpected guest who drove very slowly. What did he tell his daughter? ""Sorry I'm late. My ride was Stalin.""

The Soviet Cycle of Procrastination First, you are Putin down your work. Then, you are Stalin for time. Finally, you are Russian to finish.

Kim Yong Il, Stalin and Hitler have their personal hell... ...which consists of a swamp that will let you sink deeper the more lies you spread during your time as a leader. Kim Yong Il is buried till his waist. Stalin is buried till his chest. Hitler is standing upright above them all, barely sunken in till his ankles with a big grin on his face. Stalin asks: ""What are you laughing, fachist?!"" Kim says: ""How come you didn't sink in much?"" Hitlers grin grew from ear to ear as he sneakily said…

Soviet Joke After Stalin's death, the Soviet nation decided to get rid of him once and for all and bury him as far away as possible. They set up a special commission. The commission turned to the British government with the request that they make available a plot in a British cemetery. ""Well,"" replies the British government, ""we do already have Karl Marx in England . . . Two such great masters in the one cemetery . . . That would be overdoing it a bit. . ."" So they tried the Germans. ""Well,…

I once heard from Stalin that dark humor is like food... Not everybody gets it.

Contrary to popular belief, Stalin was from Georgia, not Russia. Stalin wasn't Russian anywhere.

Why did the Cold War never happen? Because Joseph was Stalin.

Russian jokes Why Russians take Americans to space flights? It is necessary that at the time of landing at least someone would be sober. *** In Soviet times, Ded Moroz* fetched the bad behaved children list to Stalin. * Russian Santa Claus *** At the initiative of Russian parents in children's economic game Monopoly added bribe.* * Bribe is a common way to solve problems in Russia. *** Grandson makes soundproofing. Nearby stands his grandfather. Grandson: I wonder if 2 inches of insulation en…

Why did the Russian man keep making excuses? He was just stalin for time

Who are worse than Hitler, Stalin and Mao combined? The mods of this subreddit.

Why could Joseph never get anything done? Because he was always Stalin..

Hitler was Right All Along. At the same time, Stalin was Left.

Stalin and Zhukov meeting. A secretary is standing outside the Kremlin as Marshal Zhukov leaves a meeting with Stalin, and she hears him muttering under his breath, ""Murderous moustache!"". She runs in to see Stalin and breathlessly reports, ""I just heard Zhukov say 'Murderous moustache'!"" Stalin dismisses the secretary and sends for Zhukov, who comes back in. ""Who did you have in mind with 'Murderous moustache'?"" asks Stalin. ""Why, Iosef Vissarionovich, Hitler, of course!"" Stalin thanks …

Stalin's General Assembly Stalin reads his report to the Party Congress. Suddenly someone sneezes. ""Who sneezed?"" Silence. ""First row! On your feet! Shoot them!"" They are shot, and he asks again, ""Who sneezed, Comrades?"" No answer. ""Second row! On your feet! Shoot them!"" They are shot too. ""Well, who sneezed?"" At last a sobbing cry resounds in the Congress Hall, ""It was me! Me!"" Stalin looks at them and says, ""Bless you, Comrade!

What did russian judge say to the jury? I better stop Stalin for time and Putin a little more effort.

So Joseph Stalin is giving a speech, and all of a sudden, someone sneezes, interrupting his speech. Stalin gets mad and asks, ""Who sneezed?"". Stalin asks once again, ""Who sneezed?"" When nobody comes forward, Stalin says ""Very well. First row, stand up!"". The first row in the crowd stands up, and a firing squad shoots them all. ""Who sneezed?"", Stalin asks again, but nobody comes forward. ""Alright, second row, stand up!"". The second row stands up and they are shot by the firing squad. ""…

Russian Joke Pt. 2 So the KGB kidnap three Russians for interrogation. They walk up to the first Russian and ask ""what do you think of our great leader Stalin"" to which the Russian says ""Oh, he is terrible leader, ruin country and economy.."" *shot* They then walk up to the second Russian and ask ""what do you think of our great leader Stalin"". HE is to scared to answer so says nothing. The KGB officer then says ""You have no praise for our great leader"" *shot* The officer then walks up to …

Stalin gives a speech... Stalin was giving a speech when suddenly he hears a sneeze from the public. He orders the first row to stand up. ""Did any of you sneeze?!"" Everybody is silent. After a few seconds of silence, Stalin orders the people on the first row to be killed. They are all shot, one by one, and Stalin orders the second row to stand up. ""Did any of you sneeze?!"" Once again everyone is silent. He orders everyone on the second row to be killed, and they're all shot one by one. He or…

Hitler and Stalin in a bar A man walks into a bar a sees who he thinks are Hitler and Stalin. He asks the bartender who confirms his suspicion. The man turns toward Hitler and Stalin and asks, ""What are you talking about?"" Hitler says, ""Oh I'm coming up with a plan to kill 14 million Jews and a bicycle repairman."" The man asks, ""Why the bike repairman?"" Hitler turns to Stalin and says, ""See I told you no one cares about the Jews!""

Why did the USSR have such a bad air force? They kept Stalin.

Why do Russian cars have such a bad rep? Because they're always Stalin.

Trying to buy things in Soviet Russia. (not my own creation, just ran into them and I think they should be told a lot) There was this old grandfather in Moscow who was a little confused. His neighbors knew that, so when they saw him standing outside his door with an empty shopping bag, they tried to help: ""Grandpa, what are you doing?"" ""Ah, sorry, I forgot. Do you know if I'm going out shopping or have I already returned?"" They could tell him that he wasn't away yet, so he went to see if the…