Stalins Jokes

A joke my russian friend told... So stalin was giving a speech to a few hundred thousand soldiers... One soldier then sneezes in the middle of stalin's speech. Stalin stops, looks around and asks: ""who sneezed?"" there was no answer.... he asks again and sure enough no one answered - Stalin is now pissed, he doesn't like being ignored so he gets the first row executed. He asks again, and no one answers... ""execute the second row"" and BAM the second row is dead! He asks again... then a little …

Stalin's political career didn't really take off, until he played the trump card -Seize the means of reproduction!

Stalin's General Assembly Stalin reads his report to the Party Congress. Suddenly someone sneezes. ""Who sneezed?"" Silence. ""First row! On your feet! Shoot them!"" They are shot, and he asks again, ""Who sneezed, Comrades?"" No answer. ""Second row! On your feet! Shoot them!"" They are shot too. ""Well, who sneezed?"" At last a sobbing cry resounds in the Congress Hall, ""It was me! Me!"" Stalin looks at them and says, ""Bless you, Comrade!

WWII era Soviet joke In the middle of Stalin's war council Marshall Zhukov storms out of the room, muttering ""The moustached tyrant went utterly batshit"" to himself. Head of NKVD Lavrentiy Beria hears him and immediately repeats what he heard to Stalin. Stalin calls Zhukov back and asks who did he mean. ""Hitler, of course."" ""And who did **you** think he meant, comrade Beria?""

Stalin and Roosevelt are chatting at a meeting on the top floor of a building. In a heated argument they decided to test their bodyguard's loyalty. Roosevelt goes first and tells his bodyguard ""Jump out the window"" to which the bodyguard responds ""No I cant... What about my family?"" Then Stalin goes and tells his body the same thing. Stalin's bodyguard then goes to the window, jumps out, and dies instantly upon hitting the pavement below. ""Why did he do that"" asked Roosevelt? ""Well"" said…

Soviet propaganda short fim titled: Mercifulness of our Great Leader Stalin Two kids run into Stalin's study, saying: ""Uncle Stalin, uncle Stalin, give us some sweets, please!"" Stalin, distracted, looks angrily at the kids and shouts: ""Out of my study, right now!"" Children scared off and ran back immediately. Voiceover concludes: ""Yet he could kill them.""

The day after Stalin's death... ...the Soviet nation decided to get rid of him once and for all and bury him as far away as possible. They set up a special commission. The commission turned to the British government with the request that they make available a plot in a British cemetery. ""Well,"" replies the British government, ""we do already have Karl Marx in England ... Two such great masters in the one cemetery . . . That would be overdoing it a bit..."" So they tried the Germans. ""Well, we…

Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and Joseph Stalin? A: Some of Stalin's subjects admired him.

Stalin and Roosevelt Stalin and Roosevelt are chatting at a meeting on the top floor of a building. In a heated argument they decided to test their bodyguard's loyalty. Roosevelt goes first and tells his bodyguard "Jump out the window" to which the bodyguard responds "No I cant... What about my family?" Then Stalin goes and tells his body the same thing. Stalin's bodyguard then goes to the window, jumps out, and dies instantly upon hitting the pavement below. "Why did h…

Stalin appears in Putin's dream... Stalin's ghost appears to Putin in a dream, and Putin asks for his help running the country. Stalin says "Round up and shoot all the democrats, and then paint the inside of the Kremlin blue." "Why blue?" Putin asks. "Ha!" says Stalin. "I knew you wouldn't ask me about the first part."

Soviet joke Three men have to share a hotel room in Chelyabinsk during a congress. Naturally, in the evening, they start drinking. One thing leads to another, and they find themselves telling political jokes. Concerns that any of the others may be KGB informants or that the room may be bugged are readily dissolved in alcohol. Everybody is having a great time. One is tired and really feels like sleeping; he decides to pull a joke on the others. He excuses himself, runs to the lobby and gives th…

Putin, after 10 days of Kursk catastrophe, summons Stalin’s ghost Stalin: “What’s happened?” Putin: “Nazis are at Kursk! My army is beaten! What should I do?” Stalin: “Do like me 1943. Send best Ukrainian tropps to the front, and ask the US for arms”

Stalin's assistant enters his office "Sir! There is a man here who wants to see you. He claims to be able to see the future with perfect accuracy!" Stalin takes a puff from his pipe, and gives his order. "Execute him." The assistant obeys and the man is promptly executed. Later, with a lot of hesitation, the assistant asks. "Sir, why did you order this man's execution?" Stalin looks at him calmly, and responds. "If he could really see the future, he …

Stalin's driver asks him for a raise One day; while walking to his car - comrade Krushchev comes upon his driver, eating grass. "What are you doing?" "Don't you have any food to eat?" "I pay you a monthly salary!" The driver responds; "Comrade Krushchev, i can barely feed my family with that money. Please! I'm begging you, can i have a promotion?" Comrade Krushchev obliges. Later in the evening; Stalin's driver sees Krushchev's driver buying drinks for everyone at the local bar. After hea…

A man sneezed during Joseph Stalin's speech The audience

Stalin appears in Putin's dream... Stalin's ghost appears to Putin in a dream

You think you can escape Stalin's prison camps?,"Hah gulag with that.

Did you hear about Joseph Stalin's personal yacht? They say it was a huge dictator-ship.

You think you can escape Stalin's prison camps? Hah, gulag with that.

What was Stalin's favorite chemical equation? HAmAr + SiCl