Comrade Stalin Jokes

Stalin walks into a field Farm worker: Comrade Stalin, we have so many potatoes that, piled one on top of the other, they would reach all the way to God! Stalin: But God does not exist. Farm worker: And neither do the potatoes.

Stalin & the sneezer Stalin is giving a long speech at an event, naturally in front of a huge audience. While he's in full flow, somebody near the front of the hall sneezes. Stalin stops and surveys the crowd. ""Who sneezed?"" he asks. Deathly silence. ""I repeat,"" says Stalin, ""who sneezed?"" Not a peep. ""Very well,"" says Stalin. ""First row, stand up!"" Everyone in the first row stands up. ""Guards! Open fire!"" A few seconds later, the entire first row of the audience is lying in bloo…

Interruption of the speech of Comrade Stalin Stalin reads his report to the Party Congress. Suddenly someone sneezes. "Who sneezed?" (Silence.) "First row! On your feet! Shoot them!" (Applause.) "Who sneezed?" (Silence.) "Second row! On your feet! Shoot them!" (Long, loud applause.) "Who sneezed?" (Silence.) ... A dejected voice in the back: "It was me" (Sobs.) Stalin leans forward: "Bless you, comrade!" Thanks to allrussias for glorious joke!

Stalin and the sneezer Stalin is giving a long speech at an event, naturally in front of a huge audience. While he's in full flow, somebody near the front of the hall sneezes. Stalin stops and surveys the crowd. "Who sneezed?" he asks. Deathly silence. "I repeat," says Stalin, "who sneezed?" Not a peep. "Very well," says Stalin. "First row, stand up!" Everyone in the first row stands up. "Guards! Open fire!" A few seconds later, the entire first row of the audience is lying in bloody hea…

Stalin is visiting a Young Pioneer camp. He asks one boy, "What is your name, boy?" "My name is Vovochka Karpov, Comrade Stalin" says the boy. "So tell me, Vovochka," Stalin says, "who is your mother?" "My mother is the Great Soviet Country!" "Very good," says Stalin, "and your father?" "My father is the wise and kind Josef Vissarionovich Stalin!" Stalin pats Vovochka's cheek: "Marvelous! And what do you want to be when you grow up?" "An orphan."

Stalin visits a Young Pioneer camp. He asks one boy, "What is your name, boy?" "My name is Vovochka Karpov, Comrade Stalin" says the boy. "So tell me, Vovochka," Stalin says, "who is your mother?" "My mother is the Great Soviet Country!" "Very good," says Stalin, "and your father?" "My father is the wise and kind Josef Vissarionovich Stalin!" Stalin pats Vovochka's cheek: "Marvelous! And what is your greatest desire?" "To become an orphan."

Stalin's driver asks him for a raise One day; while walking to his car - comrade Krushchev comes upon his driver, eating grass. "What are you doing?" "Don't you have any food to eat?" "I pay you a monthly salary!" The driver responds; "Comrade Krushchev, i can barely feed my family with that money. Please! I'm begging you, can i have a promotion?" Comrade Krushchev obliges. Later in the evening; Stalin's driver sees Krushchev's driver buying drinks for everyone at the local bar. After hea…

Stalin walks into a field Farm worker: Comrade Stalin

Ol' Russian joke Comrade Stalin approaches a farmer and asks :

Ol' Russian joke Comrade Stalin approaches a farmer and asks : "Comrade, how many potatoes have we grown this season?" "Enough to reach God, comrade!" Replied the farmer. "But there is no God" said Stalin "Ah, said the farmer, as there are no potatoes."