Rome Jokes

Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy? Because all the roads lead to Rome.

We all know someone like this A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled prior to a trip to Rome with her boyfriend. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded, ""Rome? Why would anyone want to go to Rome? It's crowded and dirty and, worse yet, full of Italians. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"" ""We're flying on US Air,"" was the reply. ""We got a great rate!"" ""US Air?"" exclaimed the hairdresser. ""That's a terrible airline. Their planes…

Just finished building Rome with Legos. Took me a day.

The pope goes to visit the Seven Dwarfs. As he is finishing his speech on comparative religions, Dopey raises his hand to ask a question. ""Mr. Pope, are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?"". ""No Dopey,"" responds the Pontiff, ""there are not"". ""Mr. Pope, are there any dwarf nuns anywhere in Italy?"", Dopey questions. ""No Dopey,"" chuckles the Pope, ""there are no dwarf nuns in Italy."" ""Mr. Pope,"" Dopey asks pleadingly, ""are there any dwarf nuns anywhere in the world?"" ""No Dopey,"" the Pope…

After his legs had been broken in an accident, Mr. Miller sued for damages, claiming that he was crippled and would have to spend the rest of his life in a wheelchair. Although the insurance company doctor testified that his bones had healed properly and that he was fully capable of walking, the judge decided for the plaintiff and awarded him $500,000. When he was wheeled into the insurance company office to collect his check, Miller was confronted by several executives. ""You're not getting awa…

Mrs. Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin when she met up with Father Flaherty. Aren't ye Mrs.. Donovan and didn't I marry ye and yer hoosband two years ago?' She replied, 'Aye, that ye did, Father.' The Father asked, 'And be there any wee little ones yet?' She replied, 'No, not yet, Father.' The Father said, 'Well now, I'm going to Rome next week and I'll light a candle for ye and yer hoosband.' She replied, 'Oh, thank ye, Father.' They then parted ways. Some years later they met…

It is not a well known fact, but soccer was very popular in ancient Rome. The Coliseum was used for matches. There was a big match planned for one Saturday, and three famous Romans arranged to meet at the Coliseum to see the match (Rome vs. Naples). When the day came, Caesar and Cassius met in their favorite bar, but there was no sign of their friend Brutus. So shortly before the kick-off, they gave up and went to their reserved seats to watch the game. At half time, Brutus finally arrived ""Sor…

A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded, ""Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded, dirty and full of Italians. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"" ""We're taking Delta,"" was the reply. ""We got a great rate!"" ""Delta?"" exclaimed the barber. ""That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are rude, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"" ""We'l…

Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed them. If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos ... then you probably haven't completely understood the seriousness of the situation. Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity Plagiarism saves time. If at first you don't succeed, try management. Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether. TEAMWORK ... means never having to take all the blame yourself. Neve…

A farmer lived in ancient Rome. He was working in the fields one day when he came across a giant strawberry, about one foot wide and 18 inches high. He thought this would be a novelty that many would want to see, so he took it home, washed it off, and set up a display in a case. He advertised the giant strawberry far and wide, and people came from all over to see the exhibit. He charged admission and made a pile of money. However, he failed to report his earnings to the tax authorities, so they …

Chuck Norris did in fact, build Rome in a day.

Bubba Bubba was bragging to his boss one day, ""You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them. ""Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, ""OK, Bubba how about Tom Cruise?"" ""Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."" So Bubba and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, ""Bubba! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!"" Although impress…

A Candle in Rome There once was a husband and wife couple who, trying as hard as they could, were unable to produce little children. After consulting everyone who would listen to their problem, they were still unsatisfied. Finally, they consulted their family priest. ""My children,"" the priest began, ""The Lord will listen to your prayers, and I am sure that you will be blessed with children shortly. In fact, I am planning a stay in Rome, and while I am visiting the Vatican, I will light a cand…

A history joke Teacher: When was Rome built? Pupil: At night. Teacher: Why did you say that? Pupil: Because my Dad always says that Rome wasn't built in a day!

The Chief Rabbi and the Pope are in a meeting in Rome. The Rabbi notices a fancy shmancy phone on a side table in the Pope's private chambers. ""What's that phone for?"" he asks. ""It's my direct line to the Lord!"" the Pope replies. The Rabbi is doubtful but the Pope insists that he tries it out and indeed he is connected to the Lord and chats away with Him for a while. After he hangs up the Rabbi says. ""Thank you very much. This is great! But listen I want to pay for the charges I have us…

On the airplane on his way back to Rome the Pope was doing a crossword puzzle. After a while he turned the the bishop sitting next to him and said ""What's a four -letter word ending in ""unt"" which means ""woman""? The bishop said ""Did you try ""aunt""? The Pope said ""Mmmm. Do you have an eraser?""

A few years ago when the Catholic church reform began to be much in the news Mrs. Moskowitz said to Mrs. Finkelstein ""Tell me Becky have you heard by chance what's going on in Rome?"" ""No"" said Mrs Finkelstein. ""I haven't. What's going on in Rome?"" ""A meeting of high Catholic churchmen has among other things decided that the Jews are not responsible for the crucifixion of Jesus."" Mrs Finkelstein raised her eyebrows. ""Indeed? And who is responsible then?"" ""I'm not sure"" said Mrs. Mosko…

What's the best city to search the World Wide Web in? Rome.

A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded ""Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded & dirty and full of Italians. You're crazy to go to Rome. So how are you getting there?"" ""We're taking TWA"" was the reply. ""We got a great rate!"" ""TWA?"" exclaimed the barber. ""That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old their flight attendants are ugly and they're always late. So where are you staying in Rome?"" ""We'll be at t…

Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Rome Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Rome, Italy. One has a Cross in front of him, the other one is holding the Star of David. Many people go by, look at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the Cross. The Pope comes by;He stops to watch the throngs of people giving money to the beggar who holds the Cross while none give to the beggar holding the Star of David. Finally, the Pope appro…

This is the story of an Egyptian named... Benny. One day, Benny was strolling along the banks of the Nile, minding his own business. However, he came across an urn, buried in the sand. The urn was all dusty and dented and cracked and bent and generally broken. However, Benny decided to rub the urn with his sleeve, thinking he might be able to get a few coins out of it. But suddenly, out of the urn came a Genie! The genie stretched and yawned and said: "Oh! Thank you! Thank you so much! I can't…

Bubba and Friends Bubba was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them." Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Bubba how about Tom Cruise?" "Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it. " So Bubba and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, "Bubba! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!" Altho…

The Italian Barber (source: my dad) “What we do for you today?” asked the barber. “Oh, just a good trim,” I replied. “I’m going on holiday.” “Oh?” said the barber. “Where you go?” “Italy.” “Italy!” exclaimed the barber. “I from Italy! Where in Italy?” “Rome.” “Ah, Roma," he sighed wistfully, continuing my haircut. “I have an audience with the Pope.” “You see il Papa??” He turned and shouted upstairs, “Maria! Maria!” “What?” replied an irritated voice from upstairs. “Dissa gennelma…

Pope John XXIII is going to formally become a saint on Sunday (27 April 2014). Here is a sample of his humorous quips: 1. Visiting a hospital he asked a boy what he wanted to be when he grew up. The boy said either a policeman or a pope. "I would go in for the police if I were you," the Holy Father said. "Anyone can become a pope, look at me!" 2. "It often happens that I wake up at night and begin to think about the serious problems afflicting the world and I tell myself, I must talk to the po…

Billy Bob applying for a job... Billy Bob is applying for a job at this big company and after the preliminary interview, one of the HR managers tells him: "You know, we'd love to take you, Billy Bob, we really do, but there's so many people applying for this job and you don't have any experience and don't have much of an education - you would have to have some connections to get it." Billy Bob replies: "Well, I know the senator, does that help?" The managers obviously don't believe him, so t…