Moses Jokes

A burglar breaks into a house. He begins to search the home for valuables when hears a quiet voice say “Jesus is watching you” he dismisses it as paranoia and carries on with his crime. He hears the voice again “Jesus is watching you”. He’s knows this time it’s not in his head so he looks around the room and sees a parrot in the corner. He walks over to the parrot and it repeats one more time “Jesus is watching you”. The burglar says to the parrot. “Is your name Jesus?” “No it’s Moses” the par…

Jesus and Moses One beautiful day in Heaven, Jesus and Moses were fishing in a lake. After a while of silence, Jesus asked Moses, "Hey Moses, can you still do it? You know... 'Your thing'?" Moses then answered, "I don't know, let me see if I still got it!" He then stood up and drew his arms forwards, and then separates them. As soon as he did it, the lake's water divided into two and the boat fell to the dry bottom of the lake. Moses happily then said, "Ah ha! I can still do it!!" Then after h…

Moses Nine year old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday school. “Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his engineers build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then he used his walkie-talkie to radio headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved.” “ “Now, Joey, is th…

Jesus, Moses and an old man are playing golf. They approach the most difficult water hole on the course. Moses steps up and puts his drive straight into the hazard. He calmly walks to the edge of the pond and raises his club. The waters part, Moses walks down to his ball, and chips it onto the green. Jesus, up next, also sends his drive into the drink. He calmly walks out over the water, locates his ball, and chips out to within a few feet of the pin. The old man, nervous, smacks his driv…

Three nuns die in a car crash They ascend to heaven and are met at the pearly gates by Saint Peter. “Before you can enter Heaven you must each answer a question to prove your piety.” He turns to the first nun and asks “How many commandments did God give to Moses?” The nun says “Oh, that’s easy, 10!” Ba Bada Bah! The trumpets blare and the pearly gate swings open. St Peter turns to the second nun, “Name the four evangelists.” “Ha, that’s simple, Matthew, Mark, Luke and John!” Ba Bada Bah! Th…

Moses and Jesus are sitting in a boat on a lake. Moses turns to Jesus and says, “You know, I wonder if I’ve still got it.” He stands up and spreads his arms out wide. On command, the waters of the lake part, and the boat settles on the ground. He brings his arms back in, and the water comes rushing back, lifting the boat back to the surface. Jesus says, “That’s cool. I wonder if I still have it.” He stands up to the edge, takes his first step onto the water…and sinks straight down to the bott…

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, 'Jesus knows you're here.' He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head and continued. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard 'Jesus is watching you.' Startled, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally…

Jesus is watching you A burglar breaks into a house one night. As he sneaks around the living room looking for things to steal, he hears a voice. "Jesus is watching you." The burglar stops for a second, then tells himself it was only his imagination. He starts putting items in his bag, then he hears the voice again. "Jesus is watching you." Now he is becoming suspicious, but continues going through drawers looking for valuables. Then he hears the voice a third time. "Jesus is watching you." "…

Jesus Moses and an old man go golfing

I never realized how technologically advanced Moses was... But today I learned that he had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.

I never knew how technologically advanced Moses was... But today I learned he had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.

What did Moses use to cut the sea in half? A sea saw.

Are You Moses ? Recently while going through a Mideastern airport during one of his many trips

Some puns •    How does Moses make tea ?   Hebrews it.

Jesus Moses and a very old guy.

Jesus and Moses are hanging in Heaven talking about the good ole days

God said to set up a router and free Wi-Fi in the tabernacle... ...but Moses is having a little trouble finding the promised LAN.

Ever heard of that Hebrew metal band? Guns N' Moses

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it. I'm serious

Moses was the first person to use... ...Control-C as a shortcut.

Moses is out playing golf with two of his buddies in heaven. He takes a few swings and gets par on the current hole. The next guy swings and gets a hole in one. Moses says to the guy ""Hey

How did Moses make his tea. Hebrew it.

Moses and Jesus decide to play golf. First hole is a par 4

Jesus and Moses walking along the beach... esus and Moses are walking along the beach when Moses says

Jesus and Moses were hanging out in Heaven Jesus and Moses were hanging out in Heaven when they got to discussing their mutual boredom.