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Moscow Jokes

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In Soviet Russia, an American spy tries to blend in... George Keats had trained 20 years for this moment. He had mastered the Russian language in its native accent. He learned all of Russia's customs and social graces. He memorized Moscow streetmaps and knew every back-alley there was. He swore that he could even think like a Russian. The big day finally came, and he was parachuted to the outskirts of Moscow at night. He emerged by daybreak, and hopped onto a bus going to the city center. "Co

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new milk cow The only cow in a small town in Poland stopped giving milk. ​ The people did some research and found that they could travel and buy a cow from Moscow for 2,000 rubles, or one from Minsk for 1,000 rubles. Being frugal, they bought the cow from Minsk. The cow was wonderful. ​ It produced lots of milk all the time, and the people were amazed and very happy. They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it. Then they would never have

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Vladimir Putin suffers a heart attack and falls into a coma... ... A few years later, he wakes up, gets back on his feet and walks out of his room, right past the sleeping guard. He walks out of the hospital onto the streets of Moscow, and finds that most people don't recognize him. Several years of vegetative coma seem to have taken its toll on his appearance. After wandering around for a bit, he stumbles into the nearest bar. He sits down at the bar and orders a full glass of vodka. He sips

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Moscow newspapers In Moscow, an old grandmother goes to the newspaper store, buys a newspaper, glances at it briefly, and immediately throws it away. The next day, the grandmother goes to the store again, buys a newspaper, looks at it briefly, and immediately throws it away. So it goes day in and day out, one morning the sales clerk asks the grandmother curiously: "Grandmother, why do you always throw away the newspaper immediately?", whereupon the grandmother answers, "... oh, I just look at t

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Wife wants to see the circus A man and his wife are sitting down to dinner. “Yakov's Moscow Circus is coming to town this week,” she said. “The poster says they have a dancing bear. I always wanted to see one of those.” “Maybe next year,” says the man. “Work’s really busy this week.” The next night at dinner, the man can barely sit down before his wife starts talking excitedly. “The neighbors went to the show today and said the tightrope walkers were doing the Hokey Pokey right up there on

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An American politician and a Russian politician are having dinner They are eating at the American politician's house in suburban Virginia. A 6 bedroom house with a 2 Mercedes Benz at the front. And a 500 square foot garden. The Russian politician remarked how nice his house was and how he was able to afford it. The American politician said: "see that highway over there? It was meant to have 4 lanes instead of three" A few months later the Russian politician invited the American over to his d

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