President, first day on the job: *pushing a button* Janet can you- [two nuclear missiles launch towards Moscow] That wasn't the intercom.

Another Soviet Joke In a small town outside Moscow a very proud primary school teacher began the Monday the same was she began every monday: by asking the students what they did to help their fellow comrads in the glorious Soviet Union. She turned to Illya Ivanovich. ""Illya Ivanovich, what did you do today to help the Collective?"" Illya thought a moment and replied, ""Well, Katerina Maximovna, I helped an old woman cross the street."" ""Wonderful,"" his teacher replied, ""you truly helped your…

The Vodka Bottle A Russian is strolling down the street in Moscow and kicks a bottle laying in the street. Suddenly out of the bottle comes a Genie. The Russian is stunned and the Genie says, ""Hello master, I will grant you one wish, anything you want."" The Russian begins thinking, ""Well, I really like drinking vodka."" Finally the Russian says, ""I wish to drink vodka whenever I want,so make me piss vodka."" The Genie grants him his wish. When the Russian gets home he gets a glass out of the…

'What Will Communism Be Like?'- A Russian Joke One day, as a young man, Ivan asked a member of the Party, ""What will it be like once we have built communism?"". The Party man replied, ""The shops will be full of goods, and we will have no money"". Four decades passed, and the Soviet Union fell. After the fall of the USSR, Ivan found himself walking the streets of Moscow. He looked at the shops, and he felt in his pockets, and smiled. ""Comrades"", he said, ""We have built communism at last!""