The Soviet Constitution (this is a joke from the time of the USSR, not mine, but I liked it) A Soviet diplomat visits the United States, and is shocked to hear people speaking their mind freely about their government. When he asks an American how he can do so, he replies: ""Our Constitution allows for freedom of speech."" Remembering that the Soviet constitution also allowed for freedom of speech, the diplomat went back to Moscow and started insulting the government, and was immediately arrested…

A man from Moscow decides to move to a new collective farm in Siberia. His family is excited at the possibility of leaving their cramped flat in the city for a nice country house, but they have heard mixed things about the new Siberian farms so the man agrees to go on his own first, and write back to let them know if they should follow him or not. They know the government censors will read the letter, so they agree in advance to use a simple code: anything written in blue ink is true, but anythi…

An older Russian joke, feel free to swap the leaders' names Leonid Brezhnev is visiting Jimmy Carter in Washington DC. Upon arriving in the oval office he is surprised by the luxury and asks: ""The Soviet people would love to know how can your government afford such niceties in the middle on an oil crisis."" Carter responds with ""Walk to the window with me. Do you see that bridge in the distance?"" ""Sure"" ""When we set out to build it, we had a budget of 100 million dollars. Through clever ma…

Tanslated East German Jokes A man walks to the dock where he sees a big cargo ship. He shouts: ""Where are you heading?"" The captain answers: ""We are a trading ship loaded with industrial goods and are headed for St.Petersburg to trade with the sowjet union."" The man: ""Oh and with what are you getting back?"" The captain: ""If we are lucky we get back with our ship."" -------- The sowjet Union and the people's republic of China had some border conflict where Moscow threated to use nukes. Aft…