Janet Jokes

[Starbucks Assassins Inc] CHIEF: Write this down. Target's name is John BARISTA: [writes] Jamie C: Ok. Memorise it B: [eyes shut] Janet

It's been the "longest week ever" for Janet on facebook, a woman that I know for a fact works 40 hours has been on facebook for 37 of them

Sorry my seductive strip tease to Janet Jackson's Black Cat blew your Grandma's pacemaker and caused your Mom to divorce your Dad.

[first date] ME: I'm having a great time HER: I'm not ME: *peeking out from my pillow fort* I don't even let my dog in here, Janet

"Yesterday you were 3 Chainz and now it's 5 Chainz," Janet cried. "Where does it stop?" 8 Chainz frowned. "14 Chainz doesn't have time for

President, first day on the job: *pushing a button* Janet can you- [two nuclear missiles launch towards Moscow] That wasn't the intercom.

"Millennials are so entitled!" Aye well I don't see 20-somethings screaming for the manager because their coupon expired a month ago, Janet

WIFE: You forgot my birthday again didn't you? ME: [putting wrapping paper round the cat] Goddammit, I told you not to turn round yet Janet

Swords just aren't naturally "wooooshy" enough for me, that's why I add the noise. That's why I add the noise, Janet.

"That's one small step for man. That's one open fridge for man. That's one good sandwich for-" "Neil! Stop." "I WALKED ON THE MOON, JANET"

Frog business So there's this frog named Gerry, he's a lawyer. He's reached a slow part in his busy day so he's perched on a log picking off a cloud of nearby flies one by one. Suddenly his secretary, named Janet, hops up to his log and says ""Gerry, what are you doing? You've got an appointment with a prospective client in 10 minutes!"" Gerry, surprised and a bit ruffled, replies, ""Wow, really? Time sure is fun when you're having flies!""

A cheerio named tom So there's this cheerio named Tom who finally got hired by the company of his dreams and wakes up and rides the bus to work every day. Soon enough he gets a promotion for his hard work and notices a new girl on his floor named Janet. This girl is the girl of his dreams and all he wants to do is ask her on a date. After about a month or two he gets the courage but when he asks Janet to dinner, she says sorry I only date frosted cheerios. He becomes depressed and decides to put…

Two-part knock-knock joke. Kickin' it old school, yo. This one's from like back before we had computers, kiddos, so you're gonna have to do a little work for it. Don't worry, I'll guide you. Okay you ready? Here we go... Knock knock (you say ""who's there?"" here) Kojac (Kojac who?) Kojac off in a hat! Wait, there's a 2nd part. Hang on, here goes... Knock knock (who's there) Sam and Janet (okay, Sam and Janet who?) Sam and Janet ^""some ^enchanted"" evening, you'll Kojac off in a hat! HAHA! HEYY…

Janet came home from school and asked her mother if the aerosol spray in the kitchen was hair lacquer. ""No"" said Mom. ""It's glue."" ""I thought so"" said Janet. ""I wondered why I couldn't get my hat off today.""

One day a teacher was asking her class to use absolutely in a sentence. So Janet raised her hand and said the sky is absolutely blue the teacher said no it is not sometimes is black or has different colors. Another little boy raised his hand and said ""the leaves on the trees are absolutely green"" the teacher said no they could be different colors at different times of the year. Little Johnny raised his hand and asked if there where lumps in farts the teachers said no I don't believe so. And Li…

One man explaining to another why he fired his secretary: "Two weeks ago," I said, "was my forty-fifth birthday and I wasn't feeling too hot that morning anyway. I went into the kitchen for breakfast knowing that my wife would be pleasant and say 'Happy Birthday' and probably have a present for me. She didn't even say 'Good Morning' let alone say 'Happy Birthday'. "I said to myself Well that's wives for you. The children will remember.' But the children came into breakfast and didn't say a word.…

Janet has six children and although they sometimes look a bit ragged, they always seem to manage to be on time for choir on Sunday morning. Bernice, with only one child, is puzzled how she manages all six so effectively. Janet told her, “It is very simple. I get them ready on Saturday night!”