The Soviet Constitution (this is a joke from the time of the USSR, not mine, but I liked it) A Soviet diplomat visits the United States, and is shocked to hear people speaking their mind freely about their government. When he asks an American how he can do so, he replies: ""Our Constitution allows for freedom of speech."" Remembering that the Soviet constitution also allowed for freedom of speech, the diplomat went back to Moscow and started insulting the government, and was immediately arrested…

President, first day on the job: *pushing a button* Janet can you- [two nuclear missiles launch towards Moscow] That wasn't the intercom.

Parish priest A priest was being honoured at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner. He was delayed, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited. ""I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told…

A condom joke (xpost from todayilearned) ""Russian President Putin called President George W. Bush with an emergency: ""Our largest condom factory has exploded,"" the Russian President cried. ""My people's favorite form of birth control. This is a true disaster!"" ""Mr. Putin, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you,"" replied the President. ""I do need your help"" said Putin. ""Could you possibly send 1,000,000 condoms as soon as possible to tide us over…