Las Jokes

A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room... A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room. "Where the hell do you think you're going?" he says. "I'm going to Las Vegas. You can earn $400 for a blow job there, and I figured that I might as well earn money for what I do to you free." The husband thinks for a moment, goes upstairs, and comes back down, with his suitcase packed as well. "Where do you think you going?" t…

My Wife and I went to Spain. The other week I went to Barcelona for a vacation with my wife. We stayed at a small local hotel about 30 minutes from the city. The first day we had a great time going around las ramblas and going taking pictures at La Sagrada familia. That night we even attended a Barcelona game against Real Madrid. It was a great game, but unfortunately ended in a draw. We took a taxi back to the hotel, but on the way I started to feel funny. I had some pains in my chest and felt…

Working holiday A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room. "Where are you going?" he asks. "I'm going to Las Vegas. I can earn $200 for a blow job there, and I figured that I might as well earn money for what I do for you for free." The husband thinks for a moment, goes upstairs, and comes back down, with his suitcase packed as well. "Where are you going?" the wife asks. "I'm coming with you. I want to see how you can live on $200 a year."

Two men die and show up at the Pearly Gates together St Peter greets them. "Gentleman, welcome to Heaven. I've got bad news and good news for you. The bad news is that Heaven is currently full. There was some sort of screw-up in the scheduling department, and we don't have rooms for you guys. We won't have available rooms for 2 weeks. The good news is we'll send you back to Earth for those two weeks, doing whatever you want, in whatever form you want. What would you like?' "Well," says the fir…

"Where are you going on vacation, Bob?" Dave asked his co-worker. "Las Vegas." "You don't sound very excited." "Well, I'm a little concerned," said Bob. "Went to Cancun last year, and my wife got pregnant. Went to Hawaii the year before that, and she got pregnant then, too." "Wow! Are you going to take precautions?" "Absolutely. This year I'm taking her with me."

What is the difference between Wuhan, China and Las Vegas, Nevada? What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas

My friend has a weird talent: He stands on a loaf of bread and when he throws a dart, he can hit the bullseye every time. He did it at a local talent competition once, and the judges were so impressed, they moved him up to an official talent league. For the competition, however, he stepped it up. He stacked three baguettes, stood on top like a skateboard, and threw three darts that all landed directly on the bullseye. That advanced him to the state competition. My friend didn't think it was e…

Why did the Dalai Lama go to Las Vegas? Because he loves Tibet.

Magic Frog A man takes the day off work and Decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he Notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is About to shoot when he Hears, Ribbit 9 Iron.' The man looks around and doesn't See anyone. Again, he hears, 'Ribbit 9 Iron.' He looks at the frog and decides to Prove the frog wrong, puts the Club away, and grabs a 9 iron. Boom! He hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked. He says to the f…

Inflation in the US is so bad right now that… - My friend received a predeclined credit card in the mail. - CEO's are now playing miniature golf. - Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen. - McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer. - Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America. - Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names. - A truckload of Americans were caught sneaking into Mexico. - A picture is now only worth 200 words. - The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas …

A man is walking the Las Vegas strip and runs into the most beautiful women he has ever met. [NSFW]

A plane is spotted trying to land at Area 51 One day at Area 51 a radar tech spots a single engine plane on final approach to the secret Air Force base. The plane touches down and is immediately surrounded by armed guards. The plane is impounded and the pilot is whisked off for questioning. The pilot claims that he had been flying from Las Vegas

An old man and an old woman went on a vacation to Las Vegas every year... Each time as they walked past the helicopter rides the woman would say to the man ""please please please take me on a helicopter ride!"

What do you call someone that doesn’t eat animal products and loves to gamble? A Las Vegan

A penguin broke down in Las Vegas. A penguin was driving through Vegas when suddenly his car stopped working so he had it towed to the nearest mechanic.

A young southern buck went to Las Vegas.

A physicist was in Las Vegas Tour guide: Las Vegas is also known as Sin City.

A guy goes to Las Vegas to gamble And he loses all his money. He doesn't even have enough for a cab

My Wife and I went to Spain. The other week I went to Barcelona for a vacation with my wife. We stayed at a small local hotel about 30 minutes from the city. The first day we had a great time going around las ramblas and going taking pictures at La Sagrada familia. That night we even attended a Barcelona game against Real Madrid. It was a great game

Gambling in Vegas My friend came back from Las Vegas once. He told me the slot machines are easy to win big at. He went to town in a $20

A man comes home to find his wife of 10 years A man comes home to find his wife of 10 years packing her bags. ""Where are you going?"" demands the surprised husband. ""To Las Vegas! I found out that there are men that will pay me $500 cash to do what I do for you for free!"" The man pondered that thought for a moment

A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room... A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room. ""Where the hell do you think you're going?"" he says. ""I'm going to Las Vegas. You can earn $400 for a blow job there

A man comes home to find his wife of 10 years packing her bags. ""Where are you going?"" demands the surprised husband. ""To Las Vegas! I found out that there are men that will pay me $500 cash to do what I do for you for free!"" The man pondered that thought for a moment

Go to Las Vegas There's a guy who lives in Ohio. One morning

A man named Tony gets on an airplane A man named Tony gets on an airplane in New York going to Las Vegas