Las Jokes

[NSFW] A businessman goes to Las Vegas (long)... And he gambles away the shirt off his back. All he has left is the second part of plane ticket. So he goes to a taxi and asks him if he can take him to the airport. He offers his credit card number

I bought a second hand deck of cards from a casino in Las Vegas but after 4 weeks they hadn't arrived.

What is the difference between a circus side show and a Las Vegas floor show?,"One has a cunning array of stunts the other has a stunning array of cunts.

Best way to keep your money from the casinos in Las Vegas?,"When you get off the plane walk into the propellers!! its that easy...

Why did the watermelon and the honeydew decide to cancel their spontaneous wedding in Las Vegas?,"They realized with a family like theirs they really Cantaloupe.

You hear the one about the kid in Las Vegas?,"He asks his dad, ""Pop, why can't I go out in the street and play football and baseball like the other kids?"" And his father says ""Keep dealing.""

How do you win a small fortune in Las Vegas? By spending a large fortune.

Best way to keep your money from the casinos in Las Vegas? When you get off the plane, walk into the propellers!! its that easy...

What did the Greek God say when he could finally take the world off his shoulders? At las!

Why couldn't the two melons go to Las Vegas for their wedding? Because they're cantaloupes.

Why did the watermelon and the honeydew decide to cancel their spontaneous wedding in Las Vegas? They realized with a family like theirs, they really Cantaloupe.

You hear the one about the kid in Las Vegas? He asks his dad, "Pop, why can't I go out in the street and play football and baseball like the other kids?" And his father says, "Keep dealing."

What's the difference between a guy who lost everything in Las Vegas and an investment banker? A tie.

A man came home from work one day to find his wife on the front porch with her bags packed. 'Just where the heck do you think you're going!' said the man. 'I'm going to Las Vegas' said the wife, 'I just found out I can get $400 a night for what I give you for free! 'The man said, 'Wait a minute!' and then ran inside the house only to come back a few minutes later with his suitcases in hand. 'Where the heck are you going?' said the wife. The man said, 'I want to see how you're going to live on $8…

A husband and wife are traveling by car from Atlanta to New York. After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they decide to stop at a nice hotel and take a room. They only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350. The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350. When the clerk explains that $350 is…

A dedicated Teamsters Union worker was attending a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels. When he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, "Is this a union house?" "No," she replied, "I'm sorry, it isn't." "Well, if I pay you $100.00, what cut do the girls get?" "The house gets $80.00 and the girls get $20.00." Mightily offended at such unfair dealings, the man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized shop. His search continued…