Father O'Mally has been preaching at his church in Ireland for so long that he decides to take a vacation. He has never been married and he is curious as to what an American endures in everyday life. So he decides to go to the States before it is too late. He hops on the plane bound for Nevada. He arrives in the Airport in Las Vegas. As he is exiting the plane someone in the airport runs up to him and exclaims ""Elvis! Oh my God! It's Elvis! I knew you weren't dead Elvis! How have you been?"" F…

A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room... A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room. "Where the hell do you think you're going?" he says. "I'm going to Las Vegas. You can earn $400 for a blow job there, and I figured that I might as well earn money for what I do to you free." The husband thinks for a moment, goes upstairs, and comes back down, with his suitcase packed as well. "Where do you think you going?" t…

I just wish my ex-wife could look down from Heaven and see me now. But no, she's still alive.

[wife gets in the car after talking with the priest] "What did the priest have to say?" "He said you have to stop rapping over the choir."