Joes Jokes

So there are two race horses named Moe & Joe (Joke by a friend from middle school) So there were these two racehorses named Moe & Joe, they were like two bugs in a rug two fish in the sea, which is so very hard for two racehorses to be. They always tied! One day Moe & Joe were racing, neck & neck as they always were, but then at the last minute Moe jumped ahead and won the race. Back at the stable Joe said to Moe ""What happened Moe? We're supposed to be two bugs in a rug, two fi…

Office Jokes At the office during lunch, Susan from sales stands up and yells, ""53!"". All her other coworkers in the canteen laugh hysterically. A moment later Bob from accounting stands up and says, ""41!"". All in the canteen laugh even more loudly. A new hire in the canteen asks his coworker to his left, Joe from marketing, what was going on. Joe's answer: ""We have hundreds of jokes circulating throughout the office, and each one is assigned a different number. Most of the jokes are very l…

Arty Joe is extremely angry and frustrated with his wife of 20 years and finally decides to find a contract killer to get rid of her. He knows this will cost more money than he has so he asks to borrow some funds from his best friend Arty. Arty surprises Joe by saying, ""I have never liked your wife so I will gladly murder her for only a dollar."" Later, Arty is hiding outside the grocery store where Joe's wife works and as she leaves he drags her behind the store into an alley and strangles her…

Joe's Tavern A man comes home from the bar, drunk, late one night. Upon entering, he immediately explains to his wife what happened. ""You're never going to believe this, but I was just at a bar where you sit in lounge chairs, beautiful women serve you, and there are brass toilets!"" His wife, thinking he's just drunk, doesn't believe him. ""Really? What was the name of the bar?"" she asks. ""Joe's Tavern,"" he replies. She takes out the phone book and looks up the bar. She finds a ""Joe's Taver…

Himalayan peach pie So there once was a man named Joe, who worked for a private investment company called Curo. So one day Joe's boss goes up to him and says, ""Joe. I need you to go visit our client in the Himalayas, they want to put a face to their product and you are just the man for the job."" ""The Himalayas? Wow, I would love to."" He said. So the next day Joe boards a plane to Nepal, and he arrives with a few days to spare. So he decides to go on a hike up the mountain, so he goes to this…

The 3 Construction Workers (really old joke, but one of my favorites when I was little) (Sorry if this has been posted before, I only subscribed recently and haven't seen this one yet) There are three construction workers: Joe, Bob, and Frank. One day they are sitting on an I-beam high above their construction site. It is lunch hour and the three have their lunchboxes, ready to eat lunch. Joe opens his lunchbox and, with a look of disgust, pulls out a burger. ""UGH,"" he says, ""I am SO sick of …

In a small Texas town, the owner of Joe's Bar began construction on a new building to increase his business. The local Baptist church started a campaign to block the bar from opening with petitions and prayers. Work progressed right up till the week before opening when lightning struck the bar and it burned to the ground. The church folks were rather smug after that, until the bar owner sued the church on the grounds that the church was ultimately responsible for the demise of his building, eith…

Joe's wife bought a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger. After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the ""miracle"" products, she asked, ""Darling, honestly, what age would you say I am?"" Looking over her carefully, Joe replied, ""Judging from your skin, twenty; your hair, eighteen; and your figure, twenty five."" ""Oh, you flatterer!"" she gushed. ""Hey, wait a minute!"" Joe interrupted. ""I haven't added them up yet.""

A police officer stopped a young man for speeding. He stepped out of his patrol car adjusted his sunglasses and swaggered up to the young man's window. ""What chew driving so fast for boy? You going to a fahhr? Let me see your license boy."" The young man handed over his license. Then the officer noticed that the back seat of the car was full of large knives. The officer said ""Tell me boy why you got them knives on that there back seat?"" The young man replied ""Well sir I'm a juggler."" The of…

When Joe's wife ran away with his car his money and his best friend he got so depressed that his doctor sent him to see a psychiatrist. Joe told the psychiatrist his troubles and said ""Life isn't worth living. I think I'm gonna top myself."" ""Don't be stupid Joe"" said the psychiatrist. ""My wife ran off and left me too yet I'm happy."" ""How?"" asked Joe. ""Easy"" replied the quack. ""I threw myself into my work. I totally submerged myself in my job and soon forgot her. By the way Joe what …

A man was traveling down a country road when he saw a large group of people outside a house. He stopped and asked a person why the large crowd was there. A farmer replied ""Joe's mule kicked his mother-in-law and she died."" ""Well"" replied the man ""she must have had a lot of friends."" ""Nope"" said the farmer ""we all just want to buy his mule.""

Joe walks into a bar... ...when he comes inside he sees Billy sitting by the bar wearing a huge watch, which is way to big to be comfortable. Joe walks up to him and says "hey Billy, where the hell did you get that watch?" Billy points into the corner and says "do you see the old man sitting in the corner there?" "Yeah" says Joe "well, he can grant wishes" Billy Joe gets all excited "like real wishes?" Billy says "yes, but..." but Joe is exited and doesn't let Billy finish, runs to the …

All the single ladles Joe invited his mother over for dinner one night. During the course of said dinner his mother couldn't help but notice the staggering beauty of Joe's roommate. She had been long suspicious of a relationship between them, and her beauty combined with the banter she had seen them share only made her all the more curious. Joe noticed his mother's suspicion. "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you that Julie and I are just roommates." A week later, Julie came to…

Joe the Good Conductor In a beautiful small town not far from you is a man known as Joe the Good Conductor. Being quite wealthy, Joe is the proud owner of a train that he operates every day, carrying townsfolk around the city almost free of charge. I say almost free of charge, because there in an archaic law in place that prohibits operating any form of transportation service for free. This law dates back to a time when horse and carriage drivers were almost run out of business by large congl…

I used to have a co-worker named Joe. He seemed to have come out of no where. When he first got the job, We asked him where he was from, but he would always just shrug off the question. Nevertheless, Joe and I got along really well. One day, he approached me and asked if he could move in with me and my girlfriend. He told us about how our job wasn't paying enough for him to live alone, so we agreed and he moved in a few days later. He was an alright roommate. He always cleaned up after himsel…

Big Joe A guy runs into a bar. "I'll have a vodka tonic, but make it snappy!" he says to the bartender. The barkeep hands him his drink. The guy throws a twenty down and says, "Keep the change. I gotta get out of here, Big Joe's coming!" Hearing this, patrons all over the bar frantically get up and stampede out the door, tossing cash and credit cards on their tables and the bar to pay their checks. The bartender splutters in protest as his bar empties, but to no avail. "Man, we gotta get out…

Farmer Joe's bull breaks down the barbed wire fence again... Joe is getting fed up with constantly replacing his fence posts and barbed wire. Chasing down the bull and getting him back to the field is no easy task either. So he goes to his neighbor Steve for advice. Steve being the nice neighborly farmer says "I've got plenty of barbed wire you can use to replace that fence, but I'm getting too old for the hard work. Why don't you hire some of the folks at r/jokes? I hear they're the best at re…

Nate the Snake joke Warning, unhealthily long Tim was an adventurous man, and he had quite a bit of money. One afternoon during work, Tim decided that he wanted to go driving on the dunes in egypt. So that weekend, he booked tickets to Cairo and took a few extra days off work. When he arrived in Cairo he took a bus to a smaller village with less people and laxer laws and rented a car to drive on the dunes. He went out the first time at night around 11:30 because his flight came in late. Tim h…

What was the last thing that went through Joe's head when he jumped off a 10 story building? His legs.

Where does Donald Trump Jr. buy his groceries? Traitor Joe's

Farmer Joe's Bull breaks down the fence

Farmer Joe's bull breaks down the barbed wire fence again... Joe is getting fed up with constantly replacing his fence posts and barbed wire. Chasing down the bull and getting him back to the field is no easy task either. So he goes to his neighbor Steve for advice. Steve being the nice neighborly farmer says ""I've got plenty of barbed wire you can use to replace that fence

Where is Benedict Arnold's favorite place to shop for groceries? Traitor Joe's

Where does Jane Fonda buy her groceries? Traitor Joe's.

Is your mother's name Josephine? Cuz I had sloppy joe's for dinner last night.