Baptist Church Jokes

So I see this man about to jump of a bridge (from a comment in /r/xkcd) I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump. I ran over and said: ""Stop. Don't do it."" ""Why shouldn't I?"" he asked. ""Well, there's so much to live for!"" ""Like what?"" ""Are you religious?"" He said, ""Yes."" I said, ""Me too. Are you Christian or Buddhist?"" ""Christian."" ""Me too. Are you Catholic or Protestant?"" ""Protestant."" ""Me too. Are you Episcopalian or Baptis…

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off... I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said, ""Stop! Don't do it!"" ""Why shouldn't I?"" he said. I said, ""Well, there's so much to live for!"" He said, ""Like what?"" I said, ""Well, are you religious?"" ""Yes,"" he said, I said, ""me too! Are you Christian?"" He said, ""Christian."" I said, ""Me too! Are you Catholic or Pr…

I was walking across a bridge one day, and i saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said ""stop! don't do it!"" ""Why shouldn't I?"" he said. I said, ""Well, there's so much to live for!"" He said, ""Like what?"" I said, ""Well...are you religious or atheist?"" He said, ""Religious."" I said, ""Me too! Are you christian or buddhist?"" He said, ""Christian."" I said, ""Me too! Are you catholic or protestant?"" He said, ""Protestant."" I said, ""Me too! Are you episco…

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells him, ""You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it, and it would taste better if you bought one at a time."" The Irishman replies, Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other is in Australia, and I'm in Dublin. When we all left h…

A man wants to jump off a bridge... (This joke is courtesy of Emo Philips) I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said ""Stop! Don't do it!"" ""Why shouldn't I?"" he said. ""Well, there's so much to live for!"" ""Like what?"" ""Well... are you religious?"" He said yes. I said, ""Me too! Are you Christian or Buddhist?"" ""Christian."" ""Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant? ""Protestant."" ""Me too! Are you Episcopalian …

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells him, ""You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time."" The Irishman replies, ""Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left h…

The twenty and the one . . . A well-worn one-dollar bill and a similarly distressed twenty-dollar bill arrived at a Federal Reserve Bank to be retired. As they moved along the conveyor belt to be burned, they strike up a conversation. The twenty-dollar bill reminisced about its travels all over the country. ""I've had a pretty good life,"" the twenty proclaimed. ""Why I've been to Las Vegas and Atlantic City, the finest restaurants in New York, performances on Broadway, and even a cruise to the …

A Baptist Cowboy A Baptist Cowboy A cowboy, who just moved to Wyoming from Texas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. H e sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, ""You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."" The cowboy replies, ""Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is an Airborne Rang…

The Heretic I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said, ""Stop! Don't do it!"" ""Why shouldn't I?"" he said. I said, ""Well, there's so much to live for!"" He said, ""Like what?"" I said, ""Well, are you religious or atheist?"" He said, ""Religious."" I said, ""Me too! Are your Christian or Buddhist?"" He said, ""Christian."" I said, ""Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?"" He said, ""Protestant."" I said, Me too! Are…

A cowboy walks into a bar... A cowboy, who just moved to Wyoming from Texas , walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, ""You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."" The cowboy replies, ""Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona , the othe…

The cowboy... A cowboy, who just moved to Wyoming from Texas , walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one ...in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, ""You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."" The cowboy replies, ""Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona , the other is in Colo…

B.C. A rather old fashioned lady, was planning a couple of weeks vacation in Florida. She also was quite delicate and elegant with her language. She wrote a letter to a particular campground and asked for reservations. She wanted to make sure the campground was fully equipped but didn't know quite how to ask about the ""toilet"" facilities. She just couldn't bring herself to write the word ""toilet"" in her letter. After much deliberation, she finally came up with the old fashioned term ""Bathro…

there was a shooting at the westboro Baptist church recently... the police report over a dozen witnesses, yet for some reason, nobody saw anything.

The heretic * xpost from /r/ELINT's [""what's your favorite denominational or interfaith joke?""](http://www.reddit.com/r/ELINT/comments/13t7sx/all_whats_your_favorite_denominational_or/) --- I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said, ""Stop! Don't do it!"" ""Why shouldn't I?"" he said. I said, ""Well, there's so much to live for!"" He said, ""Like what?"" I said, ""Well, are you religious or atheist?"" He said, ""Relig…

Overcrowded Church The two thousand member Baptist church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning. The preacher was ready to start the sermon when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church. One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church. They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons. The one in the middle announced, ""Everyone willing to take a bullet for …

In a small Texas town, the owner of Joe's Bar began construction on a new building to increase his business. The local Baptist church started a campaign to block the bar from opening with petitions and prayers. Work progressed right up till the week before opening when lightning struck the bar and it burned to the ground. The church folks were rather smug after that, until the bar owner sued the church on the grounds that the church was ultimately responsible for the demise of his building, eith…

Overcrowded church The two thousand member Baptist church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning. The preacher was ready to start the sermon when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church. One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church. They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons. The one in the middle announced, ""Everyone willing to take a bullet for …

Resurrection At the Easter morning services the pastor of the Baptist church had called all of the little children to the front of the church, dressed in their cute Easter outfits and had them sit around him. He said ""Today is Easter and you all look so handsome and beautiful. Today we're going to talk about the resurrection. Does anyone know what the resurrection is?"" One little boy raised his hand, and the pastor said ""Please tell us what the resurrection is"". The boy, proud that he knew t…

In a small mid western conservative town, a new bar/tavern started a building to open up their business. The local Baptist church started a campaign to block the bar from opening with petitions and prayers. Work progressed, however right up till the week before opening, when a lightning strike hit the bar and it burned to the ground. The church folks were rather smug in their outlook after that, till the bar owner sued the church on the grounds that the church was ultimately responsible for the …

Baptist Cowboy A cowboy walks into a bar in Texas, orders three mugs of Bud and sits in the back room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, ""You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."" The cowboy replies, ""Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Australia, the other is in Dublin, and I'm in Texas. When we all left hom…

I was walking across a bridge one day and I saw a man standing on the edge about to jump off. I immediately ran over and said ""Stop! Don't do it!"" ""Why shouldn't I?"" he said. I said ""Well there's so much to live for!"" ""Like what?"" ""Well ... are you religious or atheist?"" ""Religious."" ""Me too! Are you Christian or Jewish?"" ""Christian."" ""Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?"" ""Protestant."" ""Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?"" ""Baptist."" ""Wow! Me too! Ar…

The two thousand member Baptist church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning. The preacher was ready to start the sermon when two men dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church. One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church. They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons. The one in the middle announced ""Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your …

The Ressurection The pastor of a Baptist church had called all of the little children to the front of the church, dressed in their cute Easter outfits and had them sit around him. He said, "Today is Easter and you all look so handsome and beautiful. Today we're going to talk about the resurrection. Does anyone know what the resurrection is?" One little boy raised his hand, and the pastor said, "Please tell us what the resurrection is." The boy, proud that he knew the answer, said in a clear …

A cowboy walks into a bar... A cowboy, who just moved to Wyoming from Texas , walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time." The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona , the oth…

Baptist Cowboy The Baptist cowboy, who just moved to Wyoming from Texas , walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time." The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona , the other …