Watching police ticket people parked incorrectly that are in church right now and understanding that Jesus and karma have a sense of humor

I love how we vote for sheriff. How the hell should I know? "Let me talk to a few criminals and see who they think is scariest."

Well excuse me all to hell. I thought you'd be flattered with a mosaic of pictures of you at the gym. No, you don't need to call the police.

*Crime Scene Cop: (cuffs the dog) Detective: what the hell are you doing? Cop: Sir, I think we're dealing with a shapeshifter