Jfk Jokes

What's the difference between Bill Clinton and JFK? One got his head blown off while the other got assasinated.

I can't wait until the 50th Anniversary Special... I'm very interested in who JFK will regenerate as.

Teacher Arrested at JFK. A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International airport this morning as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator. At a press conference just before noon today, Attorney General Eric Holder said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. Although he did not identify the man, he confirmed the man has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons…

A plane from J.F.K. is coming in to land at a rural airport in Arkansas at midnight. Mouthy pilot turns to his co-pilot, winks & says ""watch this""...... ""Pilot to control tower......hey there Hillbilly, guess who!!"" Control tower switches off the airport lights..... ""Control tower to pilot....... Hey there Yankee, guess *where!!*""

JFK in Berlin Picture this: Berlin, June 1963. JFK is due to make an important speech. Suddenly he appears, dressed from head to toe in a black plastic bag. He hops up to the microphone and says: ""ich bin ein bin-liner"" (extra karma if you know where I stole that from)

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Q: What do Clinton and JFK have in common? A: They haven't had any brains for the last thirty years.

A plane from J.F.K. is coming in to land at a rural airport in Arkansas at midnight. Mouthy pilot turns to his co-pilot, winks & says "watch this"...... "Pilot to control tower......hey there Hillbilly, guess who!!" Control tower switches off the airport lights..... "Control tower to pilot....... Hey there Yankee, guess *where!!*"

An Israeli is going through passport control at JFK... The immigration officer asks: “Occupation?” The Israeli says: “No. I’m just visiting."

There are some eerie similarities between the assassinations of President Lincoln and Kennedy... Lincoln was elected into Congress in 1846. JFK was elected into Congress in 1946. Lincoln was elected President in 1860. JFK was elected President in 1960. Lincoln had a secretary named Kennedy. Kennedy had a secretary named Lincoln. A week before he died, Lincoln was in Monroe, Maryland. A week before he died, Kennedy was in Marilyn Monroe. --- Credit goes to the …

So the Pope is on state visit... So the Pope is on state visit to the US and is travelling in his limousine towards the hotel from JFK. Halfway there he tries to convince his chauffeur if he may drive it himself. "Sorry mr Pope. 'Tis against company policy for clients to drive." "Yeah but can't you make an exception just for today? Come on. The Vatican is too small for driving around and this thing sounds like it's got a V8 in it." So after a lot of haggling the chauffeur relents. This is th…

With elections coming soon, my coworker asked me who my favorite president was. I said JFK, because he's so open-minded.

What did JFK say before going to visit Marilyn Monroe? I choose to go to Marilyn’s hotel room this night and do the naughty things, not because she is easy, but because I am hard

Guy goes to get a haircut [long] Barber says, “so what’s new?’ Guy: “I’m getting ready to go to Italy.” Barber: “Why the hell would you want to go there? It’s so overrated. Nasty place. What airline you flying?’ Guy: “Alitalia, out of JFK.’ Barber: “oh what a nightmare. I flew them once. Old rickety airplane, left late, got there later, lost my luggage. Just the pits. Where are you staying?’ Guy: “The Pensione Mascarpone in Rome.” Barber: “oh I know that place- what a dump. Rats running all ar…

Today is the 60th anniversary of the JFK assassination That just blows my mind

News story reminds me of old JFK "golden toilet" joke Read in the news that thieves had been charged with stealing a $6 million gold toilet and it reminded me of this "classic." For some reason one of the characters in this joke when it was told to me was JFK. The accent maybe made it more humorous. JFK is on a talk show telling the story of when he was hosting a large fundraising party at his home before the 1960 election. JFK: *And, uh, as I was socializing, a man approached me and said, "…

The Pope takes his first trip to New York City... The Popemobile didn't fit on the plane, so he gets an armored limousine. The driver, a Catholic, is eager to please, so he asks the Pope if there's anything he can provide, to which the Pope says: "If it's not a bother, I'd actually love to drive, it's the only thing I miss about my pre-Pope days." The driver agrees and hops in the back, and the Pope gets behind the wheel, adjusts the mirror, straightens the seat, and floors it. Barrelling 70,…

The Pilot and the Flight Attendant. A Delta Airlines flight from LAX to JFK was in the cruise when the aircraft hit some heavy chop. The captain comes on the PA system to give the regular announcement for passengers to ""please fasten their seatbelts and refrain from using the restrooms at this time"

Why wouldn't JFK be a good boxer? He can't take a shot to the head....

I love open minded people Like JFK or Kurt Cobain

I love open-minded people. Like JFK and Kurt Cobain.

How does JFK clear his head? He goes for a car ride.

What do JFK John Lennon and Donald Trump have in common?

Obama looks rough after the last 8 years in office. Still better than JFK after 2.

My favorite position is the JFK I splatter all over her while she screams and tries to get out of the car.