George Bush Jokes

A man goes into heaven... ...he sees a lot of clock's and asks what they're for. Jesus says, "These are lying clocks. If a person tells a lie the minute hand moves." Jesus points to one clock and says, "This is Abraham Lincoln's clock, the hands have only moved a bit." Jesus points to another clock and says, "This is my Mother's clock, it has never moved since she has never told a lie." Suddenly the man asks where George Bush has his clock. Jesus says, "It used to be in my office for a f…

George Bush swears he sees Moses in the crowd at a rally.... .....and he doesn't want to miss the opportunity to meet such a well-known biblical celebrity. He yells at him, "Sir, you look a lot like a man from the old testament. Are you Moses?" Looking around, the man slowly shakes his head side to side denying the gesture. Bush is not convinced.. one more time he asks, "Sir, I don't see the need to lie to me; are you Moses?" Once again, a back and forth shaking of his head. Bush tells his se…

George Bush was visiting the queen of England... when he asked her "I must say, you run a real tight ship over here, would you mind telling me some of your secrets or advice?". The queen said "sure, its quite simple, I surround myself with smart people, for example, watch this". She then calls upon Tony Blair. "Tony, I have a simple question, if you mother has a child and your father has a child, and it's not your brother or sister, then who is it?" Tony Blair thinks for a moment and responds…

A plane runs out of gas mid flight... While flying over the mountains, a pilot realizes his plane doesn't have enough gas to make it to the nearest airport. The copilot goes to check on the parachutes, while the pilot explains the situation to the passengers- Abraham Lincoln, Bono, George bush and a little boy and girl. The copilot comes back and informs them that there are only 6 parachutes. The pilot says "I helped fly the plane, so I should get one." The pilot jumps out with a parachute. The…

Smart Mexican It was the first day of school and a new student named Pedro, the son of a Mexican telecom tycoon, entered the fourth grade. The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?' " She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Pedro, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775." "Very good! Who said "Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth" "? Again, no response except fr…

George Bush is with the Queen of England. George: "Your Majesty, any tips you can give me to stay in power, the way you have been for so long?" "Well" said the Queen, "The most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people." George frowned and then asked, "But how do I know the people around me are intelligent?" The Queen: "Easy, you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle." The Queen pushed a button on her intercom. "David Cameron, would you come in here, please?" David…

George Bush dies Albert Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter says to him, "Who are you?" Einstein says, "I'm Albert Einstein." St. Peter says to him, "A lot of people pass through these gates, how can I be sure that you're the real Einstein?" So St. Peter gives him a blackboard, and Einstein draws and proves the amazing theory of relativity. St. Peter is amazed and says, "Go in! You're Einstein!" Many decades later, Pablo Picasso dies and goes to heaven. At the gates,…

Yasser Arafat calls George Bush the morning of 9/11. "Speaking in behalf of all my population, I am truly sickened by the tragedy that happened and I wanted to assure you that we do not condone terrorist acts in any form or way." "Sorry Yasser, but what are you talking about?" "Oh shit guys why didn't you remind me of the different timezone?"

First Day of School It was the first day of school and a new student named Pedro, the son of a Mexican immigrant, entered the fourth grade. The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?' " She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Pedro, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775." "Very good! Who said "Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth" "? Again, no response except from P…

A Gorbachev joke my dad told me a few years ago Mikhail Gorbachev visits the US and meet with Ronald Reagan. They talk about how each country chooses their second in command. Gorbachev says that the Communist Party gives rigorous exams and screenings to choose the second in command. Reagan says he gives a test to figure out who to choose. He calls George H.W. Bush over and asks "who's your father's son but not your brother?" Bush says "why, that would be me!" Gorbachev is impressed and goes b…

George Bush goes to a primary school George Bush goes to a primary school to talk about the war. After his talk

George Bush Barack Obama and Donald Trump are going for a job interview with God.

George Bush Queen Elizabeth

Yasser Arafat calls George Bush the morning of 9/11. ""Speaking in behalf of all my population

George Bush dies and goes to hell Satan is already waiting for him.

George Bush dies Albert Einstein dies and goes to heaven.

George Bush was visiting the queen of England... when he asked her ""I must say

George Bush is with the Queen of England. George: ""Your Majesty

George Bush swears he sees Moses in the crowd at a rally.... .....and he doesn't want to miss the opportunity to meet such a well-known biblical celebrity.

What did the bicycle repairman done? George Bush and Al Gore walks into a bar, and the bartender asks "what's up?" Bush says "Well, tomorrow, I'm going to have the troops storm into iraq and kill 2000 Iraqis and one bicycle repairman. The bartender replies "Oh my god, what did the bicycle repairman done to deserve this?" Bush then turns to Gore and patted him on the back and says "See, i told you no one would care about those 2000 iraqis."

Why does George Bush not know how to read? Because he was a stupid twat who should have never become president.

What would ISIS be if George Bush was still president? WASWAS

What kind of car does George Bush the younger drive? A BMDubya!

On the campaign trail, Hillary Clinton learned that a sandwich shop in a town she was visiting had named a sandwich after her. Touched by this display of public affection, she asked the proprietor: "Tell me, what's in the special Hillary Clinton sandwich?" He replied: "Mostly baloney." All five living American Presidents had lunch together at the White House. The lunch went well – only three shoes were thrown. George Bush picked up the cheque, Bill Clinton picked up the waitress. David Letterman

What do you get when you combine George W. Bush with O 2 ? An oxymoron. George Bush has gone. Well, he hasn't actually gone. He's still trapped inside the White House, tragically pushing on a door marked 'Pull'. Jonathan Ross