Fridge Jokes

He was a real gentlemen and always opened the fridge door for me

Fridge and a Gay Guy What's the difference between a fridge and a gay guy? A fridge doesn't fart when you pull your meat out.

An older man goes to see his doctor... ...for a physical. The doctor tells the man the results are fine and asks him how he is doing. ""I feel great!"" he replied, ""God and I have made a really strong connection lately."" The doctor find this a little odd, but is respectful and asks ""How so?"" The man says ""Well, when I wake up to pee in the middle of the night, God turns on the light for me. And when I'm done, he turns it off again."" Now the doctor is curious as to what the man is talking a…

Workers and Cats Four men were bragging about how smart their cats are. The first man was an engineer, the second man was an accountant, the third man was a chemist and the fourth man was a government worker. To show off, the engineer called his cat, ""T-square, do your stuff."" T-square pranced over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.. But the accountant said his cat could do better. He called his …

Stupid Dog A butcher is leaning on the counter toward the close of day when a dog with a basket in its jaws comes pushing through the door. ""An' wot's this then? "" he asked. The dog knocks the basket sharply into the butcher's shins. ""You dumb dog. "" As he reaches down to smack the dog, he notices a note and a ten dollar bill in the basket. The scribble on the note asks for three pounds of his best mince [ground beef]. The butcher figures this is too easy. He goes to the window and reaches f…

A funny seires of events You have 5 bricks in an airplane and you throw one out the window. How many do you have left? 4. What are the three steps of putting an elephant in the fridge? Open the door, put the elephant in, and close the door. What are the four steps of putting a deer in the fridge? Open the door, take the elephant out, put the deer in, and close the door. The lion king is having a party for all the animals, which two don't come? The deer and the elephant. A man is crossing a river…

3 men die and go to heaven. (different joke) They arrive at the gates of heaven. St. Peter says, ""To determine whether you get to enter heaven or hell, you must state how you died. The first man steps forward and says,""Well, I was on my balcony of my 32nd story apartment. I was leaning on the railing, and it snapped off. I fell down, and lucky grabbed hold of the railing of the apartment below me. Then, some crazy guy came out of the apartment and pushed me off, and I fell to the concrete belo…

A man came home from work and found his 3 children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn around garden, The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and no sign of the dog, walking in the door, he found ...an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, the throw rug was against one wall, In the front room the TV was on loudly with the cartoon channel, the family room was strewn with toys and various items of …

Bill and Ted were at a bar... Bill asked, ""Hey where's Dave? Why isn't he here tonight?"" ""Dave is dead,"" said Ted. ""How?"" Ted said, ""Well, he was supposed to pick me up, but when he got to my house, he hit my Ferrari in the driveway, flew through his own windshield, and crashed through my kitchen window."" ""What a terrible way to die!"" ""Well, no, that didn't kill him. He tried to get up off of my kitchen floor, and he grabbed the handle of my refrigerator door for balance, but the frid…

I have a talking pig stuck to my fridge. It's a Babe magnet.

A woman showed up to her doctor's appointment with several cuts and bruises on her body. When the doctor asked how she got them, the woman replied ""I fell down some stairs."" The doctor, knowing something was wrong, confronted the woman. ""If there's anything that I need to know about, please tell me. I can help you."" The woman nodded and exited the office. Two weeks later she came back to the doctor. This time, her condition was even worse. The bruises were more severe and appeared all over h…

Stop me if you've heard this one before. Jim was suspicious that his wife had been cheating on him. He took off from work early to see if he could catch her in the act. Driving up to his apartment Jim caught a glimpse through an open window of a strange man walking around in his dining room. Now convinced his wife has been unfaithful, Jim stormed into the building and raced up the stairs. Fumbling with his keys at first, Jim burst through the door to find his wife standing in the hallway covered…

A man is sick and tired of his marriage... so he decides to have his wife killed. He goes into a bar in a shady bit of town and asks the barman ""Know anyone who can get someone... you know... *sorted out* for me?"" The barman directs him to Arthur, sitting in a corner on his own. The man goes over and asks if he's Arthur, who replies ""Call me Arty"" ""I need you to get rid of my wife"" ""Ok, tell me where and when"" ""She'll be at Walmart, at about 4 pm tomorrow, wearing jeans, a green t shirt…

The difference between a gay guy and a fridge... The fridge doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.

We have a strange custom in our office. The food has names there. Yesterday for example I got me a sandwich out of the fridge and its name was ""Kevin""

Moses and Joshua found a class of water in the fridge... They decided to split it.

Pasta Diet 1.. You walk pasta bakery. 2.. You walk pasta candy store. 3.. You walk pasta Ice Cream shop. 4.. You walk pasta fridge.

My Wife Is Missing Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not comehome! Sheriff: Height? Husband: I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall. Sheriff: Weight? Husband: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat. Sheriff: Color of eyes? Husband: Sort of brown I think. Never really noticed. Sheriff: Color of hair? Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown now. I can't remember. Sheriff: What was she wearing? Husband: Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or sho…

Bring me a beer before it begins! Dad loves to tell this joke whenever he gets the opportunity: A guy comes home, takes off his coat and make his way to the living room. He turns on the tv and catches a game. He sits on his favorite couch then kick back and relax. He then adress his wife in the kitchen ""Honey! bring me a cold one from the fridge befores it begins !"" And so the wife brings him a beer from the fridge which he prompty drinks. ""Honey! an other cold one befores it begins"", the ma…

I spent last night defrosting the fridge. Or ""foreplay"" as she likes to call it.

How do you hide an elephant in a fridge? You remove his slippers and open the door . You put him inside. You close the door and take the slippers away.

Three men in line to Heaven Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, ""Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"" So the first man replies: ""Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my …

I bought my girlfriend a fridge for her birthday. Not a great gift I know, but you should've seen her face light up when she opened it.

Heaven Two guys show up in Heaven at the same time. The first guy says he froze to death, and the second guy tells him that he died of a heart attack. ""How did that happen?"" asks the first guy. ""Well, I came home and thought I heard my wife with another man. But when I searched the house, I couldn't find anybody. I was so stricken with remorse for wrongly accusing my wife of infidelity, I had a heart attack and died on the spot."" ""Geez,"" says the first guy. ""If you'd opened the fridge, we…

Man 1: A plane is carrying 500 bricks, one brick suddenly drops, how many bricks are still in the plane? Man 2: Easy, 499. Man 1: Good, tell me three steps of putting an elephant into the fridge. Man 2: Open the fridge, put the elephant in, close it. Man 1: Good, tell me four steps of putting a giraffe into the fridge. Man 2: Open the fridge, pull the elephant out, put the giraffe in, close the fridge. Man 1: It's lion king's birthday, all animals arrived but one, which one is it? Man 2: The gir…