Fridge Jokes

[girl texting me] you left a sprite in my fridge [CUT TO] Me, crossing step one off of my "secretly move in with her" plan

I will gladly eat anything I find in a fridge unless you put your name on it, in which case I will be full of guilt and shame when I eat it.

*goes in fridge; makes sandwich* *grabs beer* *sits on couch; turns on TV* Him: Ma'am, this is an open house Me: I need the full experience

Whenever my dachshund acts up I show him a pack of hotdogs in my fridge and he falls right back into line

Adorable idea. Colleagues have been writing names on their food in the office fridge. I am currently eating a yoghurt called Debbie

I can't wait until my breasts make milk. Sometimes I get thirsty. And the fridge is all the way over there.

All of the food in my fridge is on my to-poo list.

Put the spoiled milk back in the fridge and hope it gets better. - What I think when I hear someone is getting back together with an ex.

Me: I'm gonna make a salad Her: I think the lettuce went bad [opens fridge] [lettuce flicks a cigarette, hops out & pulls a switch blade]

If you need someone who is good at looking into a full fridge and complaining that there's nothing to eat, I'm your Mayor!

"weed is a gateway drug" "to what? the fridge? Hahaha" *loses car, house, wife, and job because of fridge addiction*

It's like my fridge sends texts inviting all my friends over the moment I fill it up.

[walking on beach] [find bottle with message in it] Message: IS YOUR FRIDGE RUNNING? [another bottle with message washes against my feet]

"Is your refrigerator running?" "My fridge used to run every day, but ever since he started smoking marijuana he just lays on the couch."

Home alone tonight The fridge is making weird noises I think the beer wants out....

Why is there an eject button on the DVD remote? You still have to get up & take the disc out. It's like having a remote to open the fridge.

I always wonder how Men managed to find entire continents. Mine can't even find the butter in the fridge.

No clean Tupperware today, so I brought my yogurt to work tied up in a condom. No longer allowed to use the employee fridge.

I think I'm gonna shave my legs so that there's less wind resistance when I run to the fridge for a beer.

My daughter may only be one year old today, but she retrieves beer from the fridge at a fourth grade level.

It's so cute how all the free sandwiches in the fridge at work have little names.

[phone rings] "Is your refrigerator running?" *looks over at fridge holding a lighter up to a spoon* "I don't know what he's doing anymore."

"Is your refrigerator running?" "Hasn't decided yet," I say, winking at my refrigerator & hanging up. A "FRIDGE 2016" banner hangs above him

I'm at my most Liam Neeson when my food is missing from the employee fridge.

Daddy can u get me a drink? "No, you're 5yo you can get your own drink" Fine *goes to fridge "While you're there can you grab me a beer?"