Ford Jokes

I had a Ford Fiesta.... and fed it some adderall and it turned into a Ford Focus

Car accident department at heaven... An Englishman, American and a Russian are sitting waiting for their turn to get to heaven. Boring long wait so the Brit asked the American: ""So why are you here"". Brit: ""Damn truck, head on collision in my Rolls Royce, what about you?"" American: ""Aaah, was driving drunk and couldn't handle my Ford Mustang and off the cliff I went."" Then they curiously look at the Russian who is really quiet and sits in the corner looking all sad. Both of them ask then: …

Old joke I can dodge a Ford, but can't afford a Dodge...

Plastic parrots A father is talking to his three year old son the week before his birthday. He asks him what he would like as a present, and the boy replies that he would like a parrot. His dad replies that he can't have a real parrot, but searches all around and eventually finds a plastic parrot toy. The boy's mother assures him that it will all be ok and they sit down with their son to open his presents. The father worriedly hands the plastic parrot to his son but the boy immediately loves his…

Doesn't Sink A farmer had a really beautiful daughter who wanted to get married. The farmer hated the Idea so he came up with a challenge for whoever completes its will have his daughter had in marriage. He took all the manure from all the animals and made a small lake out of it. For whoever drives there car across the lake will have his daughters hand in marriage. A German showed up with his BMW, an American showed up with his Ford Truck, and a Russian showed up with a Lada. The German speeds u…

I got to test the new self driving prototype, the Ford Dixie But it crashed and I can't get the police to help. They hang up every time after I tell them ""My Dixie wrecked""

Inventors Tesla, Ford, and Edison were all standing on a stage, presenting their latest findings. Tesla strolled forward and announced that he had invented a brand new way to transmit energy through the air! The crowd clapped politely. Ford was next, and pulled the cover off a large engine. He had discovered a way to create horse less carriages! The crowd gasped and clapped louder. Edison took two steps to the left and threw up his arms to announce that he had invented a revolutionary new way to…

Gandhi and two other people go to Heaven... Mahatma Gandhi and two other people die and go to heaven. However, they're really far from the gates and must get there somehow. Someone comes up to them and says, ""I can get you a car to reach the gates. The car'll depend on how many kids you had when you were alive."" The first person says he had 2 children. The person replies, ""Well, that's not too many."" And whips up a sports car for him to drive to the Gates. The second person says that he had …

Calling for backup A policeman patrolling Kings Cross spots a huge black guy dancing on the roof of a Ford Sierra. He gets on the radio and calls for backup. ""What's the situation?"" ""A big fat darkie is dancing on a car roof.""You can't say that over the radio!"" replies the operator, ""You have to use the correct terminology as they taught you on the radio course at the police academy"" ""OK"" he says, ""Kilo... Zulu.... Tango.... Sierra....""

Gandhi and two other guys die and end up in an unknown place far from the Gates of Heaven... And the three of them are greeted by an angel. The angel says to them ""Heaven is pretty far from here and you're probably gonna need a vehicle. I'm going to give you one depending on how many kids you had in your lifetime."" The first guy only had one so the angel gave him a Lamborghini. The second guy had seven so that angel gave him a Ford Model T. And Gandhi had to walk all of the way. When the other…

A guy walks into a car dealership... ...and two cars are picked out for him by the dealership. A car salesman explains, ""Every 4 years you can ask to keep the car we picked out for you, or you can swap it for another car we picked out for you"". So, the man thinks it's interesting, he does this and after 4 years he comes back in. ""I didn't really like this last car."" he says. The car salesman responds, ""Ok, well not a problem. You can keep that car, or replace it with this one we selected fo…

Ford should create an 8-cylinder Fusion model It would be a V8 Fusion

George Washington and two other people go to Heaven... Mahatma Gandhi and two other people die and go to heaven. However, they're really far from the gates and must get there somehow. Someone comes up to them and says, ""I can get you a car to reach the gates. The car'll depend on how many kids you had when you were alive."" The first person says he had 2 children. The person replies, ""Well, that's not too many."" And whips up a sports car for him to drive to the Gates. The second person says t…

A man is talking to his friend... ""Today I got a brand new ford for my wife."" ""Eyyy, nice trade.""

Who likes bad jokes What do you get when you crash a ford focus with a ford fiesta. A ford fusion

So angry! In the late 1970's there was a little old Indian riding his 10 speed bike on the highway. When a stranger in his ford mustang boss 302 pulls up to the little Indian and proceeds to ask him ""Hey sir, would you like a ride?"" To which the little Indian man said"" I can't leave my bike behind"". looking over the little old Indians bike the stranger could only see one admirable quality which was a little shiny bell on the right handle bar. The stranger then says"" well we could just put t…

Ping Pong Balls Three men all want to marry the same girl, so she tells that whoever brings her the most ping pong balls in the next 24 hours can have her hand in marriage. Suitor 1 comes back a few hours later with his Ford F-150 filled completely with Ping Pong balls. The woman is impressed, but thinks the other suitors can do better. Suitor 2 comes back about 12 hours later with several passenger vans full of ping pong balls. The woman is even more impressed with this gift. Suitor 3 doesn't s…

Ford Focus Sitting in traffic today waiting for the light to change. The car in front of us was a Ford Focus. I turned to my daughter and said.. if that driver opens her door and steps out of the car, does she get all blurry? Because if she did, wouldn't she be ""out of Focus"" ?

What car brands mean Ford-Flipped Over Rebuilt Dodge Pontiac-Plan On Numerous Trips In Another Car Fiat- Fix It Again Tony Chevrolet-Cracked Heads, Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time Nissan-Needless Innovations, Silly, Stupid, Automotive Nonsense GM-Gluteus Maximus GMC-God's Mechanical Curse LTD-Long, Thin Dumpster Oldsmobile-Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Every day.

Topical Jokes 4/10 (Special mention to JonasPolsky, you've inspired me to write one a day!) - Spain is raising its age of consent from 14 to 16. Meanwhile the bankers at the European Central Bank are saying that they might not be able to keep their interest rate low for the next 2 years. - The French National Assembly have decided to put three artificial beehives on its roof to promote urban greenery. Meanwhile, inspired, the bees are now demanding 'liberty, equality and fraternity' after the Qu…

My ""99 Problems"" Parody If you're having computer problems I feel sorry for you son, he's got 99 viruses and AIDS aint one. If you're having car problems I feel sorry for you son, I've got 99 Ferraris and a Ford aint one. If you're having girl problems I feel sorry for you son, I got 99 women and a dyke aint one. If you're having heatstroke I feel sorry for you son, it's 99 degrees out and he wishes it were 1. If you can't win at football I feel sorry for you son, I got 99 yards cus that bitch…

Three friends die and go to heaven... and meet God at the gate. God tells them that he will give them cars to drive into heaven, but first they have to tell him how many times they cheated on their wives, and they shouldn't bother lying because he has a big record book of every person's actions. God turns to the first man and asks how many times he cheated on his wife, to which the man responds ""twice."" God flips through the big book, and sure enough, the man was telling the truth. ""Since you…

10. The monitor is up on blocks. 9. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them. 8. The six front keys have rotted out. 7. The extra RAM slots have Ford truck parts stored in them. 6. The numeric keypad only goes up to six. 5. The password is ""Bubba"". 4. There's a gun rack mounted on the CPU. 3. There's a Skoal can in the CD-ROM drive. 2. The keyboard is painted in camouflage. And the number #1 way to tell if a redneck has been working on your computer is.... 1. The mouse is referred to as a ""…

Thibodeaux was driving his car past Beaudreaux's house and saw a sign that read: ""Boat for Sale"". Thibodeaux marches up to Beaudreaux's front porch and raps hard on the door and Beaudreaux opens it. Thibodeaux say, ""Beaudreaux! How long we ban frands?"" Beaudreaux say, ""Well......All our lives, Thibodeaux"". Thibodeaux say, ""Why don you tole me you gotta boat?"" Beaudreaux say, ""I ain't gotta boat!"" Thibodeaux say, ""Da' sign say; 'BOAT for SALE'. Beaudreaux say, ""OH - NO Thibodeaux!!...…

We are sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people in the South are. We challenge any so-called smart Yankee to take this exam administered by the University of Arkansas Engineering Department: 1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10-pound possum. 2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard? A '65 Ford Fairlane, a '69 Chevrolet Chevelle or a '64 Pontiac GTO. 3. If your uncle builds a still which operate…