Ford Jokes

A Japanese company ( Toyota ) and an American company (General Motors decided to have a canoe race on the Missouri River Both teams practiced long and hard to reach their peak performance before the race. On the big day, the Japanese won by a mile. The Americans, very discouraged and depressed, decided to investigate the reason for the crushing defeat. A management team made up of senior management was formed to investigate and recommend appropriate action. Their conclusion was the Japanese had …

In the market for a new car... Renault and Ford have joined forces to create the perfect small car for women. Mixing the Renault 'Clio' and the Ford 'Taurus' they have designed the 'Clitaurus'. It comes in pink, and the average male car thief won't be able to find it - let alone turn it on - even if someone tells him where it is and how to do it. Rumor has it though, that it leaks transmission fluid once a month, and can be a real bitch to start in the morning! Some have reported that on col…

Appalachian couple get married Jethro and Ellie Mae get married, and after the wedding party they happily drive off in his 68 Ford truck for their honeymoon. But about an hour later, Jethro storms back into his parents house, angrily slamming the door. The father asks what's going on, and Jethro says, "The weddins off!" The father says, "Well, now sit down there young fella. I don't understand it. Uns had a nice big weddin, all the clans showed up, you youngins seem perfect for each other, …

My friend is getting a new car - a "tangerine" ford focus. Dad drops this one... Tangerine focus... Isn't that the same as orange concentrate?

Funny Jewish Joke - Clean! The four Katz brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Max, invented the first automobile air-conditioner. On August 15, 1951, the temperature in Detroit was 92 degrees.The four brothers walked into Henry Ford’s office and convinced him to come out to the parking lot to their car. They got him to get into the car, which was about 120 degrees, turned on the air conditioner, and cooled the car off within a few minutes. Henry got very excited and invited them back to the off…

My father works as a statistician at Ford. He must be pretty well-respected there, people are always asking for his auto graph.

A motorist stopped at a country ford and asked an Irishman sitting nearby how deep the water was. "A couple of inches." replied the Irishman. So the motorist drove into the ford and his car promptly disappeared beneath the surface in a cauldron of bubbles. "That's odd" thought the Irishman. "The water only goes halfway up on them ducks."

I gave some Adderall to my Ford Fiesta... it's now a Ford Focus.

Priest's Donkey The parish was very poor and the priest tried everything he could to raise money. But the Bingo games didn't work, the spaghetti diners and pancake breakfasts din't work. He even tried raffling an old Ford and that didn't help. So the priest though of trying out horse racing. He went to a horse auction and settled on a donkey since a horse is too expensive for a poor parish. He was a man of God, he had faith, and ran the donkey. It came in third. There was a little headline in …

Three men turn up at the Pearly Gates of Heaven. Saint Peter asks the three men: ' Did you commit any adultery during your lifetime?' 'NEVER! I have lived a pure and virtuous life!', The first man shouts. 'All right, you may enter heaven en drive a golden Ferrari for eternity!', Saint Peter says. The second man says: ' Well you know... I've had a fling with my secretary. But, I am remorseful'. 'For this sin, you shall drive a golden Ford for all eternity', Saint Peter says. The third man s…

2016 Ford Renault and Ford have joined forces to create the perfect small car for women. Mixing the Renault 'Clio' and the Ford 'Taurus' they have designed the ‘Clitaurus'. It comes in pink, and the average male car thief won't be able to find it - let alone turn it on - even if someone tells him where it is and how to do it. Rumor has it though, it can be a real bitch to start in the morning! Some have reported that on cold winter mornings, when you really need it, you can't get it to tu…

Jesus had long hair A teenager was entering his senior year of high school. His father, a Baptist preacher, made a deal with him. "Son, if you get straight A's for the entire year, AND if you cut off that long hippy hair, I will buy you the car of your choice when you graduate." The son accepted the challenge and worked very hard all year. He got the best grades of his life and graduated top of his class. "Well, Dad. I held up my end of the bargain. Top of my class. I'll take a Ford Mus…

How is driving a Ford truck similar to visiting Thailand? Either way, you're likely to blow a tranny

What car would Houdini drive if he were still alive? A Ford Escape

Joke from a Ford automobile joke book published by the Standard Thermometer Company sometime in the 1920s Boob: They tell me that all Ford cars will be painted red next year. Simp: How's that? Boob: The State laws insist that any tin can made to carry gasoline must be painted red.

Two men are discussing habits. The first man says, "Do you smoke?" The second man replies, "Why of course, two joints a day! Why do you ask?" The first man says, "Well how much do they cost?" The second man says, "Only 20 each!" "And how long have you been smoking?" "A few years, why?" "So if you hadn't smoked all these years, you would've saved up enough to buy a lamboghini!" "Really? Then what car do you drive?" "A Ford Focus." "Do you smoke?" "No..." "Then where the hell is your l…

A sufficient number of Americans, Brits, Chinese, Indians, Irish, Scots, Poles, Germans, Italians, Mexicans, priests, rabbis, imams, blondes, cars sellers, millennials, boomers, Karens, guys named Dave or Johnny, gays, lesbians, Christians, Jews, Hindi, Ford owners, Facebook users, etc A sufficient number of Americans, Brits, Chinese, Indians, Irish, Scots, Poles, Germans, Italians, Mexicans, priests, rabbis, imams, blondes, cars sellers, millennials, boomers, Karens, guys named Dave or Johnny,…

My friend tries to impress girls by drawing realistic pictures of a Ford F-150. He’s ….a pickup artist.

It's my cake day, so one of my favorite jokes ... A sixteen year-old boy came home with a brand new Ford F150. His parents look at the truck and ask, "Where did you get that truck?!" "I bought it today," he says. "With what money?" says his mother. They knew what a new F150 cost. "Well," he says, "this one cost me just fifteen dollars." The father looks at him like he's crazy. "Who would sell a truck like that for fifteen dollars?" he says. "It was the lady up the street," says the boy.…

I had a ford Fiesta once, then I left my prescription of Adderall in the glove box overnight, when I came out in the morning, I had a Ford Focus.

What's your favorite pickup line? For me, it's the Ford F series.

What do you call a Ford Fiesta that won't start? A Ford Siesta

Renault and Ford have joined forces to create the perfect small car for women… Mixing the Renault 'Clio' and the Ford 'Taurus' they have designed the 'Clitaurus'.

What do you get when you put adderall into the gas tank of a Ford Fiesta? A Ford Focus.

My boyfriend looked so excited when I told him I was going to get him an escort for his birthday! I couldn't understand why he looked so disappointed when I handed him the keys to his new Ford