Ford Jokes

3 men are in line to get into heaven St. Peter is waiting at the gates of heaven and calls the first man up. Peter says, ""You never cheated on your wife! I'm going to let you drive around heaven in a Ferrari!"" So he gets in the car and drives off through the gates. Peter then called 2nd man up. Peter says, ""Oh no, looks like you cheated on your wife TWICE! You are going to drive around heaven in an Accord!"" He gets into his car and drives through the gates. Peter calls the third man up and s…

Three car salesmen have a wreck on the way to work They all arrive at the Pearly Gates and Saint Peter says ""Let me ask you a question before admitting you to heaven."" To the first he says ""My son, while on Earth did you lead a good life?"" ""Oh yes, "" says the first man,"" I had thirty years of marriage to a wonderful woman and I was honest in business"" ""I see here in the book you're telling the truth"", says Saint Peter, ""here are your keys to a brand new Mercedes to drive in Heaven"" T…

Ford Ibble A car salesman asked me, ""What are you looking for in a car?"" I said, ""It has to be affordable"" He said, ""I'm sorry sir, I've never heard of a Ford Ibble.""

A businessman decides to leave city life behind. He had spent his entire career working late hours at a stressful job for bosses he hated and decides to give it all up. So he buys a large ranch in central Montana and spends his days raising livestock, maintaining fences, engrossing himself in his new setting. For a time he is content, but weeks pass and loneliness begins to settle in. He feels isolated and begins to wonder if he made a mistake leaving the hustle and bustle of city life. But then…

I tried to start up a business as a Ford dealership I lost my focus

Sent on a golf tour in Newfoundland, Tiger Woods drives his new Ford Fusion into a petrol station in a remote part of the countryside. The pump attendant, obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Newfoundlander manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is. ""How's ya gettin' on today, sir"" says the attendant. Tiger nods a quick ""hello"" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground. ""What are dose?"" Ask…

What car does the Loch Ness Monster drive? A Ford F-tree-fiddy

Why are Ford cars so popular? Because they are affordable.

I went to a car show but there were nothing but Fords I guess you could say it was a real Ford Fiesta

I was looking to buy a truck I stopped by the Ford Dealership yesterday, for a look at the new F-150 pickup. Just for fun, I took it out for a test drive. I wanted to see how that new truck would ""feel"" before they become old. The salesperson was wearing a ""Hillary for President"" lapel pin and sat in the passenger seat next to me, describing the truck and all its ""wonderful"" options. The seats were of particular interest. She explained that the seats directed warm air to your butt in the …

I don't get new car smell air fresheners Your '98 Ford Taurus isn't fooling anyone

I was fired from Ford today I kept losing focus

I left my Adderall in my Ford Fiesta, It is now a Ford Focus. I can't claim credit for this one, I heard it on one of my favorite streamers' streams.

I tried to download Ford Racing 2 today... It crashed.

When I worked at Ford... (true story) When I worked at Ford, I had a team member from India named Agus. But then he got transferred to the crankshaft damper team. So I said ""I guess what is good for Agus is good for a damper!""

FORD Fix or Repair Daily.

What is the photographer's favorite car? Ford Focus

Ford claims that 90% of its cars are still on the road today That's pretty bad, apparently only 10% of them made it back home

An old, old joke I heard yesterday Three friends gathered round a campfire were swapping family stories. Rick said,""My granddad once pushed his truck for 3 miles searching for a gas station."" Martin chimed in at that point, ""That's nothing. My grandfather used to be very strong. He once lifted his old Ford while his friends changed two flats, as their jack was broken."" Johnny rolled his eyes at that and said, ""My grandfather once let an 18 wheeler freight-liner run over him. He would have b…

The New 2016 Clitaurus Renault and Ford have joined forces to create the perfect small car for women. Mixing the Renault 'Clio' and the Ford 'Taurus' they have designed the Clitaurus'. It comes in pink, and the average male car thief won't be able to find it - let alone turn it on - even if someone tells him where it is and how to do it. Rumor has it though, it can be a real bitch to start in the morning! Some have reported that on cold winter mornings, when you really need it, you can't get it …

My favorite pickup line... the Ford F Series

I heard someone got shocked by their Ford... that must stang.

I used to drive a Ford Fiesta... Until I took some Adderal to study for my test. Now It's a ford focus

What is the car that everyone sleeps in? The Ford Siesta Many thanks to /u/ekhappychap for that one.

What did Lincoln say about his experience at Ford theater? He said it was mind blowing.