Donald Trump Jokes

An airplane was about to crash. There were four passengers on board but only three parachutes. The first passenger said, ""I am Steph Curry, the best NBA basketball player. The Warriors and my millions of fans need me and I can't afford to die."" So he took the first pack and jumped out of the plane. The second passenger, Donald Trump, said, ""I am the newly-elected US president and I am the smartest president in American history, so my people don't want me to die."" He took the second pack and …

What do Donald Trump and the iPhone 7 have in common? They both think de-porting is the answer after there's no more Job's

Trump vs Media Donald Trump saw a car with four people in it skid out of control over a bridge into a river. Mr. Trump jumped into the water and was able to save three of them before the fourth one drowned. I read about it in an article titled ""President-elect Trump, who lost the popular vote, allows innocent teenager to drown right in front of him""

Donald Trump is said to have lack of foreign policy experience to be president, but in fairness, he has spent time meeting with foreign leaders around the world. Ms. Sweden, Ms. Argentina...

What did both Barack Obama and Donald Trump have in common as winning presidential candidates? A cool catchphrase.

What's the difference between Donald Trump and an orange? One is wrinkly, sour, and orange. The other gets picked by Mexicans.

I heard Donald Trump has read a lot of different books.. ..Apparently for the most part he never made it past Chapter 11.

Donald Trump is writing a children's book about running for President He's going to title it, ""Marco's Little Adventure""

Mexicans used to excel at cross-country... ... but Donald Trump could be the reason they get a gold in pole-vaulting

Donald Trump says the only reason he lost the popular vote is because 3 million undocumented immigrants voted in the election He knows this because thats how many of his employees asked him for the day off.

Donald Trump goes on a fact-finding visit to Israel. While he is on a tour of Jerusalem he suffers a heart attack and dies. The undertaker tells the American Diplomats accompanying him, ""You can have him shipped home for $50,000, or you can bury him here, in the Holy Land for just $100."" The American Diplomats go into a corner and discuss it for a few minutes.They come back to the undertaker and tell him they want Donald shipped home. The undertaker is puzzled and asks, ""Why would you spend $…

Fidel Castro was a cigar-smoking, repressive leader who hated free speech and a free press. Donald Trump, in comparison, doesn't smoke.

On the last day of Barack's presidency, he and Donald Trump go to the same barbershop to get their hair done. Barbers decide not to talk about politics, and everybody ends up not talking at all. The air is so tense. it could be almost cut with the barber's knife. Donald's hair gets finished first, and when the barber tries to apply some cologne to it, Donald goes nuts ""Are you out of your mind? I can't go to my house smelling like I've been in a brothel. Melania would go crazy"". Right at that …

The Pope, Lebron James, Donald Trump, and a 10 year old boy are flying in a airplane ... The airplane looses power and is quickly falling from the sky, they are gonna crash. Their are only three parachutes and the discussion begins about who should have them. Lebron James rambles on ""I'm the King of Cleveland! My fans need me to win the championship!"" He takes one of the parachutes and bails. Donald Trump rambles on "" I am President Elect! My people need me to make America Great Again! I am t…

Donald Trump has a new plan for solving the conflict of interest of him owning his business empire and being President He's going to put America into a blind trust.

Which band does Donald Trump dislike the most? Foreigner.

If I had a penny for every Donald Trump joke, I would have a small loan of one million dollars

After this week, Donald Trump is so angry at the theater that ... he's going to build a 4th Wall.

Donald Trump announced that he would be turning down the regular Presidential Salary in lieu of a yearly salary of $232 He said ""If 232 is good enough for Hillary, it's good enough for me""

Mike Pence, Rudy Giuliani, and Donald Trump landed in the Land of Oz... Mike Pence: I'm going to ask the Wizard for a heart! Rudy Giuliani: I'm going to ask the Wizard for a brain! Donald Trump: (looking around the area) Where's Dorothy?

Donald Trump, Barack Obama and Putin walk into a bar.. and walk out after having a drink. What else did you expect they would do in a bar?

what does donald trump do with the nuclear missiles when he doesn't want to have them anymore fire them

You can tell that Donald Trump isn't Amish ...because he is terrible at building a Cabinet.

So Donald Trump is only getting $1 a year as president? You could probably get an immigrant to do a better job for a cheaper price.

The Pope dies and goes to Heaven... When he gets there, he finds he's being judged at the same time as Donald Trump. Saint Peter declares that the pope is going to hell and Trump is going to heaven. The pope is outraged and asks how someone as pious as he is going to hell, and someone like Trump could achieve heaven. ""Well,"" says Saint Peter. ""When you were elected, you didn't do that much to increase piety in the world. But Donald Trump? After he was elected, we couldn't believe how much the…