Donald Trump Jokes

A man gets onto a bus. He is carrying two large barrels under his arms. The bus driver says: ""you can't take those barrels onto the bus. What's in there anyway?"" The passenger replies: ""Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump."" The driver asks: ""no, really, what's in there?"" The passenger repeats: ""Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump."" ""Why don't you open them and let me see?"" The passenger does as instructed, and the driver exclaims: ""eww, but they are full of shit!"" The passenger calmly says…

Donald Trump is the candy corn of politicians Part white, part orange and sickening in large doses

I heard they're making a revival of a show once Donald Trump is elected I'm going to love watching the new Orange is the New Black.

Donald Trump fell ill and is on his deathbed... He has his whole family and his most intimate friends close by comforting him on his last few hours on earth. They all gather around him and listen to his amazing stories of how he built his empire and how he had a terrific life. Towards the end of the evening he calls his wife Melania and says *""Quick, Melania!! Get me a Muslim priest! I want to convert to Islam!""* Everyone in the room is completely shocked! Is this the *real* Donald Trump? Conv…

Donald Trump is like a Halloween pumpkin... Orange, full of slime, evil grin, and thrown out in early November.

How does Donald Trump keep a handle on integral equations? He grabs them by the +c.

The Election was tied.... The US Presidential election of 2016 had been over for weeks. Every single ballot had been counted and tabulated, the Electoral College had cast their votes, and after every avenue had been exhausted, it was unequivocally a dead heat. Both Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton turned to the Supreme Court for a decision, agreeing to abide by the ruling for the good of the Country, Mom, and Apple Pie. After due deliberation, Justice Ginsburg, the Notorious RBG, spoke for the C…

Why does Donald Trump take a Xanax when he goes to Mexico? To prevent His-Panic attacks.

Last term, we had our first black president. But if Donald Trump wins... Orange is the New Black.

Walking around Washington, Joe Biden sees Donald Trump and says to him... Hey Donald! (says Joe Biden), I know I'm an ugly, bumbling, retard, with ridiculous hair plugs, so I've long since accepted that women don't find me attractive. But for your whole life, the most beautiful women have always loved you. I've wanted to know what it was like to be a man who actually gets the women. Trump says, well... you spend every day in the White House with Barack. I mean, sure he's an idiot, hates America,…

Yo mamma so stupid when she heard of ""orange is the new black"" she thought Donald Trump became the president.

Donald Trump put out an ad that said, ""I can make you a millionaire in three months"" with one small caveat... Billionaires only.

Donald Trump walks into an empty bar and says.. ""Am I the only joke here?""

I hear Donald Trump is going to ban cans of parmesan cheese... ..he's going to make America grate again.

Donald Trump like his women like he likes his Geneva Conventions Mostly ignored, but regularly violated.

What would be amazing is if The day before the election, Donald Trump holds a 30 minute press conference explaining that he concedes the office. He starts to explain that the reason he did all of this was to prove just how busted the media driven system is. He goes long and deep about how it is Hillary's time and how qualified she is. He begs us all to stop watching the news for entertainment, and instead to watch artisans and to enjoy, love, and be excellent to each other. Then he pauses, stand…

How many biblical figures does it take to get Donald Trump elected president? Two Corinthians.

Hillary and Donald Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump go into a bakery shop. As soon as they enter the bakery, Trump steals three pastries and puts them in his pocket. He says to Hillary: ""See how clever I am? The owner didn't even see anything, and I don't even need to lie. I will definitely win the election."" Hillary says to Donald: ""That's the typical dishonesty you have displayed throughout your entire life, trickery and deceit. I am going to show you an honest way to get the same 3 pastrie…

Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, Tim Kaine, Mike Pence and an elderly lady were on a plane that was halfway across the Atlantic Ocean on their way to America. Suddenly, the plane began to start shaking violently. A voice on the intercom said, ""We lost an engine! Going Down! Passengers take a parachute and get away before it blows!"" Unfortunately there were only 4 parachutes available. Hillary grabbed one, said, ""I'm sorry, but as a potential first female president and keeper of Wall Street inte…

Donald Trump loses the election and suffers a nervous breakdown. After he recovers, he buys a farm and starts to raise animals to relax. Rosie O'Donnell decides to go visit him. She arrives at the farm and sees the Donald walking a sheep on a leash. Donald walks up to her and says, ""I'd like to introduce you to this pig."" Rosie says, ""That's not a pig, that's a sheep"" The Donald replies, ""I know, that's who I was talking to""

Hill and Don go to a bakery... Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump go to a bakery. As soon as they enter the bakery, Hillary steals three pastries and puts them in her pocket. She says to Donald, ""See how clever I am? The owner didn't see anything and I don't even need to lie."" I will definitely win the election. Then Donald says to Hillary, ""That's the typical dishonesty you have displayed throughout your entire life, trickery and deceit. I am going to show you an honest way to get the same res…

Donald Trump gets elected Oops thought i was on r/nosleep

Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump walk into a bar. They ask the bartender, ""What have you got?"" The bartender points to two taps. They say, ""What? That's it?! We don't like either of those choices!"" The bartender says, ""Now you know how I feel.""

Donald Trump was born a year after Hitler died. I now believe in reincarnation.

Donald Trump walks into a bar with two guys, one named Moe Lester and the other Ray P. Kreap. Bartender asks Moe Lester and Ray P. Kreap how they know Trump. Trump answers, ""Women are always screaming out their names when I touch them, so I figured they'd make great wingmen.""