Donald Trump Jokes

What did Donald Trump say to the guy who immolated himself in front of Trump tower? ""You're fired!""

You guys was right about Donald Trump harming the environment He's already making snowflakes melt!

Apparently, Donald Trump is currently being treated for Electile dysfunction and premature congratulations. Isn't it Hillaryous!

A shocking new report reveals Donald Trump likes to be peed on by members of his new administration He calls it a Goldman shower

Trump visits the Queen. While visiting England after his election victory, Donald Trump is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people. Trump asks how she knows if they're intelligent. ""I do so by asking them the right questions,"" says the Queen. ""Allow me to demonstrate."" Trump watches as the Queen phones David Cameron and says, ""Mr. Prime Minister, please answer this question: your mother has…

Classic jokes modified to Donald Trump and Putin One day while walking through the countryside the President of Russia discovered an old lamp. He started to polish it and out came a genie who told him that for freeing him from the lamp he would grant him one wish. Putin thought for a minute before declaring, ""I am a poor simple man with simple needs, therefore I wish that Putin pee vodka!"" The Genie exclaimed that Putin's wish was granted and disappeared in a poof of smoke. Putin runs home and…

Not everything Donald Trump says is stupid. He also says ""Tremendous"", ""Sad"", and ""Pathetic"".

What does Melania see in Donald Trump? 10 billion dollars and high Cholesterol

How does Donald Trump get the dishwasher going? He pushes Melania out of bed.

Not everything Donald Trump says is stupid. The Chinese built a wall 2,000 years ago - and they still don't have any Mexicans!

How did Donald Trump won with his poor vocabulary? He's the only candidate that America finally understands..

Donald Trump and Mike pence fall off a boat, neither of them can swim, who survives? AMERICA

An airplane was about to Crash. There were 4 passengers on board, but only 3 parachutes. The 1st passenger said, ""I am Steph Curry, the best NBA basketball player. The Warriors and my millions of fans need me, and I can't afford to die."" So he took the 1st pack and left the plane. The 2nd passenger, Donald Trump, said, ""I am the newly-elected U.S. President, and I am the Smartest President in American history, so my people don't want me to die."" He took the 2nd pack and jumped out of the pla…

Donald Trump and Mike Pence are at a banquet at the white house. A guest notices they are giggling with each other so he gets curious and goes to speak with them. ""What is so funny over here?"" Trump replies: "" We're planning WWIII"" ""WOW, and what exactly are your plans?"" Trump replies: "" We're going to kill 14 million muslims and a dentist"" ""Huh, why are you killing a dentist?"" Pence taps Trump on the back: ""See, I told you no one would ask about the muslims""

Legend say, Chuck Norris counted to infinity twice... Donald Trump tried to count to 10 and got stuck in a paper bag.

Donald Trump being president is the result of being a good parent and teaching your children that they can be anything if they set their mind to it... And you know,giving them a small loan of 1 Millon dollars

Donald Trump was asked if he could quote any Bible verses. He replied,""Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Deport him and you do not have to feed him again."" Trump 20:16

If Donald Trump was Chinese, what would his name be? ...Wong.

What does Donald Trump and a 12 year old have in common? They know a lot about hacking.

Why does Donald Trump hate China? They came up with building a wall before he did.

Donald Trump has all the materials he needs to build that wall When he was elected millions of Democrats shit a brick

Vladimir Putin to begin marketing Kremlin brand jeans Each pair comes with a complimentary Donald Trump in the back pocket.

In a few weeks the keys to the worlds most important office will be handed over to Donald Trump. There is absolutely nothing funny about that. Figured this sub was a perfect place to post this.

How does a woman pick up Donald Trump? With a pooper-scooper.

A racist, a fascist, and an idiot walked into a bar ""What can I get you?"" Asked the bartender. ""I'll just have a water, and make sure the glass is small enough for my hands"" said Donald Trump.