Detroit Jokes

Two men died and went to Heaven. St. Peter greeted them and said ""I'm sorry gentlemen but your mansions aren't ready yet. Until they are I can send you back to Earth as whatever you want to be."" ""Great!"" said the first guy ""I want to be an eagle soaring above beautiful scenery!"" ""No problem"" replied St. Peter and POOF! The guy was gone. ""And what do you want to be"" St. Peter asked the other guy. ""I'd like to be one cool stud!"" was the reply. ""Easy"" replied St. Peter and the ot…

I was in Florida recently to visit a good friend... and saw a bumper sticker on a parked car that read, "I miss Detroit." So I broke the window, stole the radio, and left a note that read... "I hope this helps."

Funny Jewish Joke - Clean! The four Katz brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Max, invented the first automobile air-conditioner. On August 15, 1951, the temperature in Detroit was 92 degrees.The four brothers walked into Henry Ford’s office and convinced him to come out to the parking lot to their car. They got him to get into the car, which was about 120 degrees, turned on the air conditioner, and cooled the car off within a few minutes. Henry got very excited and invited them back to the off…

Some people from Detroit walk up to the Pearly Gates. A group of people from Detroit walk up to the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter is confused, as no one from Detroit has ever arrived there. He leaves to speak to God. "There are some people from Detroit here. What should I do?" God thinks for a moment. "The usual, I suppose. Ask what they've done to get into Heaven." Saint Peter goes back to question the people, but comes running back moments afterword. "They're gone!" He exclaims. "The people?…

Detroit is a such a dangerous city... You can't even let your kids out at night. The might rob someone.

The Detroit Lions are having there worst football season ever They haven't been able to catch the ball or even score a single touchdown because they have an atrocious quarterback. One night, the Lions manager is watching the news when he sees footage of the Bosnian Civil war. While he is watching, he sees a rebel fighter run up to a government building and toss a football sized bomb perfectly into a 4th story window. "That's just the guy I need." says the manager, so he goes through multiple …

Two airplane mechanics Bob and Tim work at Atlanta airport. Atlanta gets fogged in one night and nothing can take off or land so Bob and Tim have nothing to do. After work Bob and Tim usually have a drink on their way home, so Bob says to Tim, “I heard that you can get a buzz off drinking jet fuel.” Since they have nothing better to do, they try it. Finally, their shift is over and they get to go home. Next morning Bob calls Tim and says, “How are you feeling?” Tim says he's fine, never felt be…

The Inventors of the Automobile Air Conditioner The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Maxwell, invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner. On July 17, 1946 , the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees. The four brothers walked into old man Henry Ford's office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter. Henry was curious and invited them int…

I was travelling on the West Coast when I saw a bumper sticker on a parked car that said: "I miss Detroit" ...so I broke a window, stole the radio, and left a note that said, "Hope this helps."

There was once a blonde woman. There was once a blonde woman on a plane to Detroit. She was in the economy class, but after takeoff, she saw an empty seat in first class and moved there. An attendant saw her and said, "Excuse me, ma'am, but you have a ticket for economy class, not first. You cannot stay here." The blonde replied, "I can and I will." The attendant told the copilot, who came and talked to the woman. "Ma'am, we really can't have you staying in this seat, your ticket was for econom…

The story of Tyrone When he was in school none of his classmates liked him because of his stupidity and clumsiness. However, no one disliked him as much as his teacher who was always telling him, "You're driving me crazy, Tyrone!" One day Tyrone's mother came to the school to check on her son, and his teacher told her that he was a disaster, always had bad grades, and was probably the dumbest kid she ever taught. Tyrone's mother was so furious she removed Tyrone from the Detroit school and t…

I was driving in Michigan and saw a sign at the border in Detroit that said “Canada Dry.” I really wanted a drink, so I turned around and went home.

It was July 17, 1946 The temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees. The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Max, had invented the first automobile air-conditioner. The four brothers walked into old man Henry Ford's office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter. Henry was curious and invited them into his office. They refused and instead asked that he come ou…

There was a boy who lived in Detroit whose parents used to beat him a lot His parents were arrested by the Child Protection Agency and then put in jail. The court then needed to figure out in whose care to put the boy. Judge: "How about your grandparents?" Boy: "No, they beat me too." Judge: "How about your aunt and uncle?" Boy: "No, they beat me as well." The Judge went through a list of all of his family members and close friends, but he only ever got the same answer. Finally, the Judg…

Apparently someone in Detroit gets stabbed every 52 secconds

David calls up his brother Mike to schedule their annual family trip. He tells him they're leaving Saturday to go to Detroit. Mike asks

There was once a blonde woman. There was once a blonde woman on a plane to Detroit. She was in the economy class

I was travelling on the West Coast when I saw a bumper sticker on a parked car that said: ""I miss Detroit"" ...so I broke a window

The United States ruined Hiroshima. Which American city did Japan ruin? Detroit

Detroit is a such a dangerous city... You can't even let your kids out at night.

A young Iraqi hockey player The Detroit Red Wings foreign scout flies to Baghdad to watch a young Iraqi play hockey in the new American sponsored league

Apparently someone in Detroit gets stabbed every 3 minutes. Poor bastard.

Some people from Detroit walk up to the Pearly Gates. A group of people from Detroit walk up to the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter is confused

How can you tell if you're in Detroit or across the river in Windsor Ontario Canada?,"Stand in the middle of the street. If someone yells, ""hey, get out of the street"" you're in the US. If they yell, ""get out of the street eh"" you're in Canada

How can you tell if you're in Detroit or across the river in Windsor Ontario Canada? Stand in the middle of the street. If someone yells, "hey, get out of the street" you're in the US. If they yell, "get out of the street, eh" you're in Canada