Detroit Jokes

American Heaven and Hell In America, Heaven is where: 1. The chefs are from New York 2. The engineers are from Detroit 3. The lovers are from Miami 4. The police are from Portland 5. Everything is organized by San Jose Hell is where: 1. The chefs are from Miami 2. The lovers are from San Jose 3. The engineers are from Portland 4. The police are from New York 5. Everything is organized by Detroit

Bicycling must be a really popular hobby in Detroit I saw this black kid, and he had 7 bikes.

So I was on a flight tonight. I was on a flight from fort Worth to Detroit. Got to our cruising altitude of 38,000 then the wing fell off. We are going down. This girl stands up in the front of the plane, hottest little white thang i have ever seen, she says I want a man to make me feel like a real women before I die. I am a pretty stellar looking gentleman so I stand up and start walking towards her. I unbutton my shirt, take it off and hand it to her, then I say iron this and get me a beer. Be…

What's the best thing about being a Cubs fan? Not being from Detroit.

What are 5 ""Ms"" from Detroit? GM, Eminem and Michael Moore.

Why are so many African Americans moving to Detroit? Because they hear there are no jobs there.

The tragic tale of the Gregg Family. The Gregg's had drawn an unfortunate lot in life. There were 22 of them living in a small shack in Detroit, with the rest of the extended family too far and also too poor to give any aid. What's worse, only 4 of them were employed, so there were four incomes paying for 22 peoples food. The Gregg's tale came to an end one cloudy saturday. all 22 were found dead in their home. It seemed a carbon monoxide leak had caused their demise. The rest of the extended fa…

I visited Detroit recently. I love the smell of the ol' factories.

My drivers Ed teacher told me to pull over somewhere safe... Five minutes later he said, ""Why haven't you pulled over yet?"" I said, ""Because we're still in Detroit.""

Racist humor ;) Why are there so many black people in Detroit??? It's because they heard there was no jobs there.

Detroit This happened on a flight getting ready to depart for Detroit. Jack was sitting on the plane when a guy took the seat beside him. The guy was an emotional wreck, pale, hands shaking, moaning in fear. ""What's the matter?"" Jack asked. ""I've been transferred to Detroit, there's crazy people there. They've got lots of shootings, gangs, race riots, drugs, poor public schools, and the highest crime rate."" Jack replied, ""I've lived in Detroit all my life. It's not as bad as the media says.…

JET FUEL ALCOHOLICS Two airplane mechanics named Bob and Tim work at Atlanta airport. Atlanta gets fogged in one night and nothing can take off or land so Bob and Tim have nothing to do. After work Bob and Tim usally have a drink on their way home, so Bob says to Tim, ""I heard that you can get a buzz off drinking jet fuel."" Since they have nothing better to do, they try it. Finally, their shift is over and they get to go home. Next morning Bob calls Tim and says, ""How are you feeling?"" Tim s…

Tyrone and his teacher. None of his classmates liked him because of his stupidity, especially his teacher, who was always yelling at him, ""You're driving me insane, Tyrone."" One day Tyrone's mom came to school to check on how he was doing. The teacher told his mom honestly, that her son was simply a disaster, getting very low marks, and never had she seen such a dumb boy in her entire teaching career. The mom was shocked at the feedback and withdrew her son from school and moved out of Detroit…

What is the difference between Detroit and Cleveland? 5 years.

So I got this email at work today... Subject: HS Graduation in Detroit High School Graduation In Detroit: A student played high school football in Detroit. He was a great running back, but a really poor student. At graduation, he didn't have enough credits but he was a great football star and the students held a rally and demanded the principal give him a diploma anyway. They were so insistent that the principal agreed if Dwayne could answer ONE question correctly he would give him a diploma. Th…

Topical Jokes for 10/11 (for best results, read in the voice of your favorite late night host) Nielsen has announced that a technical error led to months of incorrect ratings. Employees at Nielsen suspected there was a glitch when an infomercial for adult diapers nabbed 84 billion viewers. There was an Ebola scare on a USAirways flight after a man sneezed and joked that he'd just come from Africa. But don't worry, doctors examined the man, and he tested negative for a sense of humor. TSA agents …

Whats Black White and Red allover Detroit in winter

Topical Jokes for 6/25 (For best results, imagine these being read by your favorite late night host) John Boehner has filed a lawsuit against President Obama, claiming abuse of power. Obama wielded his incredible power later that day, when he begged Congress for permission to go to the bathroom. A study of the world's oldest feces, revealed that Neanderthals ate vegetables. But experts are saying the study is a load of crap. In Detroit, a 12-year-old boy who had been missing for a week, was disc…

When Bob Seger was an up-and-coming musician in Detroit... He used to celebrate a successful gig by going out to eat at this popular fusion restaurant in town that did a blend of Moroccan and Thai food. All the Detroit elites dined there, and their menu had all kinds of exotic dishes from Thailand and Morocco. But Seger, being a working-class guy, loved their free bread rolls more than anything else. After they closed, he was so distraught that he wrote a song about it, and started his path to s…

A black guy walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder The bartender says, ""Hey, that thing is cool! Where did you get him?"" The parrot replies, ""Detroit"".

A black guy walks into a bar, with a parrot on his shoulder The bartender looks at him and says, ""That thing is really cool! Where did you get it?"" The parrot replies, ""Detroit""

Not a Latvian joke Lost job and no money for buy potato. Also is cold. Regret immigrate to Detroit.

Tonight, two candidates squared off in a head to head clash for supremacy. One of these candidates has to come out on top. The loser will go home, defeated. The winner will face Detroit in the World Series

The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Max, invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner. On July 17, 1946, the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees. The four brothers walked into Henry Ford's office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter. Henry was curious and invited them into his office. They refused and instead asked that he come out to the…

""What Happens Here, Stays Here"" is getting old, so a contest is being held for new slogans. Here are the leading contenders: 1) Las Vegas: Better than Detroit (Actually, this works for any city.) 2) It's The Gambling, Stupid 3) You're Broke, Hung Over and Pissed. Now Go Home 4) Where Luck Goes to Die 5) More Than Thirty Million Schmucks a Year Can't Be Wrong 6) We've Got What It Takes To Take What You've Got