Boston Jokes

A man telephoned an airline office in New York and asked ""How long does it take to fly to Boston?"" The clerk said ""Just a minute..."" ""Thank you"" the man said and hung up.

the latest news from the boston bombing authorities think it was race related.

I used to think my drawings made me autistic... it turns out my Grandma was just from Boston.

Khakis In most places, losing your khakis means you have no pants. In Boston, if you lose your khakis, you can't drive.

Northeast Weather I just got off the phone with my friend in Boston. He said that since early this morning, the snow has been nearly waist high and still falling. The temperature is dropping way below zero and the north wind is increasing to near gale force. His wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and just staring. He said, if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in.

Family surroundings. A social worker from Boston recently transferred to the mountains of West Virginia . She was on a tour of her new territory when she came upon the tiniest cabin she had ever seen in her life. Intrigued, she went up and knocked on the door. "Anybody home?" she asked. "Yep," came a kid's voice through the door. "Is your father there?" asked the social worker. "Pa? Nope, he left afore Ma came in," said the kid. "Well, is your mother there?" persisted the social worker. "Ma? No…

From the Confessions page of MIT-Boston (ROFL Material) #8132 During lunch at work last week, I ate 3 plates of beans (which I know I shouldn't). When I got home, my b.f seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to ans…

Brotherly Love A new Irish pub opens in downtown New York. On the first day, an Irishman walks in and orders three pints of Guinness. He takes a sip from the first one, then a sip from the second and finally a sip from the third. He does this in turn until all pints are empty. This goes on every day for a few weeks, and since the barkeeper has never seen anything like this, he asks about this peculiar drinking habit one day: “See”, the Irishman says, “I used to go for a pint together with m…

A flight from Dublin to Boston Shortly after I took off on an Aer Lingus flight from Dublin to Boston a few weeks ago, the air hostess nervously announced that the catering department had made a terrible mistake. A big mix up she said. Although 226 passengers were on board they received only 80 dinners. She apologised, but said that anybody kind enough to give up their meal would receive unlimited free drinks for the remainder of the flight. The next announcement came 2 hours later when she sai…

It's the final day of the annual pirate convention, and the debate over the site of next years convention begins... One pirate says, "how about ARRRbys!", many pirates nod in agreement. Another pirate says, "how about ARRRkansas", even more pirates are pleased at that suggestion. A third pirate says, "how about Boston!", a confused murmur spreads across the room, "stay with me here" says the pirate, "so we can pARRRk ARRRR cARRR in the hARRRRvard yARRRd!"

In most of the country, if you lose your khakis you have no pants... But in Boston, if you lose your khakis you can't start your car.

A Young guy from Nebraska A young guy from Nebraska moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job. The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says, "Yeah. I was a salesman back in Omaha." Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. "You start tomorrow." I'll come down after we close and see how you did." His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How …

200 Dead Crows Over Christmas break in 2017 the Chief Epidemiologist for the State of Massachusetts was catching up reading annual reports that various local government entities published when he read that Animal Control for the City of Boston had picked up over 200 dead crows, year to date. He was pretty excited because it might be something contagious like bird flu or possibly Zika so he called called Boston animal control and talked to them, “Yep!” the animal control officer said, “We’ve s…

Why do the British pronounce it "Bri'ish"? Because the Americans dumped the T in Boston Harbor.

Salesman of The Year Award. A young guy from Nebraska moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job. The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says, "Yeah. I was a salesman back in Omaha." Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. "You start tomorrow." I'll come down after we close and see how you did." His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss ca…

The Man who could only Drink Milk I know an old man who had lived a life full of adventure, but his health started to catch up with him. He'd run the Boston Marathon, was an avid surfer, and climbed Everest, but he'd started to have abdominal pains around his 85th birthday and went to see a doctor. Sadly, he ultimately was diagnosed with a rare degenerative liver disease that slowly made him allergic to everything he ate. He kept copious notes, and as an avid gastronomist slowly grew to despai…

On a flight from Dublin, Ireland to Boston, the chief flight attendant made an announcement... "Due to a terrible mistake by the airline's caterer, there are only 80 dinners instead of the 225 required to feed all the passengers on board. To fix the situation, we are offering unlimited drinks to anybody who is willing to give up their meal". Two hours before landing, another announcement was made. "There are still 80 meals available if anybody is hungry".

The Boston Symphony was performing Beethoven’s Ninth... In the piece

I used to own a Raven in Boston It could speak English

The Boston symphony orchestra was playing Beethoven's ninth.. And during said piece there's about 20 minutes where the two bassists (those playing the double bass) have nothing to do. So

What does a Boston terrier sound like? Bahk bahk. Wicked bahk.

What do hitler and a boston marathon runner have in common The inability to finish a race

Dead Crows on the Mass Pike Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently

A flight from Dublin to Boston Shortly after I took off on an Aer Lingus flight from Dublin to Boston a few weeks ago

A Russian a Japanese dude and a guy from Boston were caught by a group of cannibals...