Boston Jokes

[Original] Boston roommate. My roommate's from Boston. This morning, he's still in the house after I got up. ""Aren't you late for work?"", I asked. ""Yeah, I'm looking for my khakis"" ""Look for them when you get back"" ""Well, how the hell am I supposed to get in my car?""

A man decides he wants to try the Boston seafood specialty of scrod A businessman arriving in Boston for a convention found that his first evening was free, and he decided to go find a good seafood restaurant that served scrod, a Massachusetts specialty. Getting into a taxi, he asked the cab driver, ""Do you know where I can get scrod around here?"" ""Sure,"" said the cabdriver. ""I know a few places... but I can tell you it's not often I hear someone use the third-person pluperfect indicative a…

The (Mostly) True Story of Two Musicians and a Summer in Boston Last summer, I went to Boston for a music program and met up with a bunch of awesome musicians, people from all over the world with all sorts of talents. My two roommates, for instance, were super chill guys. Sam was a saxophone player from Santa Barbara and George was a guitarist from Chicago. Super cool, like I said. Well, George got really envious of Sam for having a bunch of fans back in Santa Barbara, because apparently he was …

I heard the Boston Marathon wasn't very good this year... No one really blew away the competition.

Driving around Boston is like reading Choose your own Adventure... There are countless different paths to take, with most leading to failure or death, and only a few leading to success.

Relativity A student is taking the train back to MIT, and realizes that Albert Einstein just sat down in the seat next to him! Excitedly, the student asks: ""Excuse me, professor. Does Boston stop at this train?""

A man goes to Boston A man goes on a business trip to Boston. He has never been there before and wants to try some of the local food. His friends all told him to try the sea food. Especially Boston Scrod. So as he gets into the taxi at the airport he ask the driver ""Do you know where I can get Scrod?"" The driver answers ""Listen Mac. I've been asked that question many times and in many ways but never before in the past pluperfect subjunctive.""

A guy told me this one in class today.... What do you call 2 White Russians and a Jager bomb? A Boston Marathon.

The Boston Bruins had a good chance of beating the Leafs... ...but they totally bombed it.

Justin Bieber said to be just devastated to hear the news on the Boston marathon . . . . . .but hopes that everyone involved are fans.

Why did the Boston Marathon runner collapse before finishing the race? (WTF?) His thighs were burning too bad.

CBostonC CMarathonC Don't look at me like I'm the first person to add C4 to the Boston Marathon.

While we still don't know the motivations or the thought process behind the Boston Bombings I think it's safe to say that the perpetrators are racists.

On my latest trip through New England I was really impressed with New York City but Boston just blew me away

All these mean jokes about the Boston Marathon Bombing ... are really crossing the line... too soon?

A Boston Marathon runner was asked about his experience. He said it was a blast.

What do you call a Massachusite who cuts down trees? _In a New England accent..._ A Boston lager. . . . . . I made this up yesterday in the car.

Did you know that, during the first game of the 1936 baseball season, the Boston Braves managed to win while also badly injuring six players on the opposing team? They were truly ruthless.

Tense, moody joke Guy lands at Logan, hops a cab, and says to the driver, ""Well now that i'm in Boston, where can I get scrod?"" Cabbie says, ""You know, I've heard that question a thousand times, but never in the pluperfect subjunctive.""

A college student walks up to the ten items or less line... Heard on Car Talk... (from memory) A college student walks up to the ten items or less line in a Boston supermarket.... He gets in line with an *enormous* number of items, far more than the 10 permitted. The cashier takes a long look, and asks him, ""So. You must be a student at either Harvard or MIT, right?"" ""Why yes"" he says, ""how did you know?"" ""Well, getting in *this* line with those groceries, you either go to MIT and can't r…

A husband and wife were traveling by car from Key West to Boston. After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're felt too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest. They stopped at a nice hotel and took a room, but they only planned to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When they checked out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350. The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, t…

Beethoven's Ninth The Boston Symphony was performing Beethoven's Ninth. In the piece, there's a long passage about 20 minutes during which the bass violinists have nothing to do. Rather than sit around the whole time looking stupid, some bassists decided to sneak offstage and go to the tavern next door for a quick one. After slamming several beers in quick succession, one of them looked at his watch. ""Hey! We need to get back!"" ""No need to panic,"" said a fellow bassist, ""I thought we might …

On a flight to Florida I was preparing my notes for one of the parent-education seminars I conduct as an educational psychologist. The elderly woman sitting next to me explained that she was returning to Miami after having spent two weeks visiting her six children 18 grandchildren and ten great-grandchildren in Boston. Then she inquired what I did for a living. I told her fully expecting her to question me for free professional advice. Instead she sat back picked up a magazine and said ""If th…

What did they do at the Boston Tea Party ? I don't know I wasn't invited !

A college student in a philosophy class was taking his first examination. On the paper there was a single line which simply said: ""Is this a question?"" - Discuss. After a short time he wrote: ""If that is a question then this is an answer."" The student received an ""A"" on the exam. A Boston brokerage house advertised for a ""young Harvard graduate or the equivalent."" Among the inquiries received was one from a Yale grad. He said ""Do you mean two Princeton men or a Yale man part time…