Bernie Jokes

Bernie will win the 2020 Democratic Nomination... ...because his supporters will be old enough to vote.

#feelthebern As a Jew I'm not sure Bernie is allowed to say that

What do you get when you elect Bernie Sander's son as president? A son Bern

If Bernie gets elected we should give him an honorary military rank. Colonel sounds right to me.

A bird just landed on Bernie Sanders' podium during a speech It's a shame it was just a bird and not 800 delegates

What was Bernie Sander's favorite topic in mathematics? Radicals. He loved finding the ""root"" of problems...

Why is Bernie Sanders' campaign like Jon Snow? (Game of Thrones spoilers) They're both ""dead.""

EU wants to congratulate US for their free healthcare.. .. because you did vote for Bernie didn't you?

Trump has a tower? Well Bernie has his towers too. The Twin Towers... They felt the Bern.

Hillary got 60% of the black's votes in Alabama That's right, not a single vote for Bernie.

What do a thong and Bernie Sander's crazyman hairstyle have in common? They both barely cover a cunt.

If Bernie hates the 1%... why is it that only they vote for him?

Bernie Sanders walks into a bar. The bartender looks over and says ""Mr. Sanders! Drinks on me. I really hope you win. Imagine another Clinton in the White House? It would be a circus!"" Bernie replies ""Bill didn't run a circus, he ran affaire!""

Don't forget to wear sunscreen if you go to an outdoor Bernie rally Or else you'll be peeling the burn.

Hillary and Bernie walk into a bar... Hillary says that she shouldn't buy the drinks because she is Hillary. Bernie says that the drinks should be free for everyone. America dies.

Which is Bernie Sanders' dominant hand? His left one

Did you all see the shots fired at the Democratic debate just now!!???? Hillary really took aim at Bernie over gun control.

Bernie Sanders walks into a college bar on Friday Night.... One of his aides turns off the music, another calls for the attention of the young crowd. Bernie nervously coughs for 3 or so minutes, fumbling with his notes. He licks his lips and begins to speak about alcohol inequality, and the alcohol rich and the alcohol 99%. One of the kids waaaaay in the back speaks up quickly. >Mr. Sanders are you going to buy us all a drink now? The crowd laughs. Bernie squints at the Kid and licks his lips…

Bernie Sucks! Outside the Bernie Sanders campaign offices in Iowa, after a snowstorm, staffers came to work and found BERNIE SUCKS melted in the snow, apparently by urine. They immediately roped off the area and called for an investigation. Reporting to Bernie that evening, they said GOOD NEWS! We found it to be Donald Trumps urine!! BETTER NEWS! It is Hilary's handwriting!!

So what's Robin Hood up to these days? He changed his name to 'Bernie Sanders' and is now running for president.

When the police asked Bernie if he profited from stealing millions of dollars from his former clients he replied, ""What do you think i'm Madoff?""

Which states is Bernie most popular in? Denmark, Sweden and Norway.

Bush, Trump, Sanders, and Clinton are all on a plane about to crash. A plane with Jeb Bush, Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton & Bernie Sanders is about to crash, but has only 3 parachutes. The first passenger yells, ""I'm Jeb Bush, let the big dog eat! I can't afford to die."" he took the first parachute and jumped. The 2nd passenger, Donald Trump runs screaming, ""I'm the smartest man in the world & the next President of America. He grabbed the second parachute and jumped. The 3rd passenger…

Bernie Does Beyonce Proctologist: So have you thought about it? Weird Al: I told you already, Bernie, there's no way I can do ""Put a Ring in It."" Proctologist: Did I miss the moment? Weird Al: No. That's just not how you prove you love someone, Bernie. Proctologist: But... Weird Al: It's not.

Old man is sitting in his doctor's office waiting for the news.. he's like, 80 or some shit. and the doctor comes in and they talk. doctor says ""i have some very bad news for you Bernie, you have cancer."" The man's face sinks. The doctor then continues ""you also have develpoed alzhiemers."" The man look up at his doctor and says ""wow, alzhiemers...well atleast it's not cancer, right?""