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Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City to Toronto, the captain announced, ""Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left."" Thirty minutes later the captain announced, ""One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry ... we can fly just fine on two engines."" An hour later the captain announced, ""One more engine

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There were three guys a Torontonian an American and a Newfoundlander. They were all going to be executed. The executioner said that since all three were to be executed that night that they would each get to choose the method by which they would die. Their choices were: lethal injection electric chair or by hanging. The American was afraid of needles and did'nt want to be hanged. The American chose the electric chair. He sat in the chair and they pulled the switch and nothing happened. The execut

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A Texan while visiting Toronto found himself in the back seat of a taxi cab on the way to his hotel. Passing by the Royal York the Texan asked the cab driver ""What's that building there?"" ""That's the Royal York Hotel"" replied the cabbie. ""The Royal York? How long did it take to build that?"" asked the Texan. ""About 12 years"" replied the cabbie. ""12 years? We build 'em twice as high twice as wide and four times as long down in Texas and we do that in six months."" A while later the cab

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In light of today's events in Toronto A lady gets on a plane and realizes that she's been seated next to an Arab man in traditional attire. She watches him cautiously during the entire flight. When the plane lands, he gets out before her, but leaves his briefcase under the seat in front of him. Noticing this, she grabs it and follows him, handing him the briefcase! "You almost forgot this!", she said. The man looks at her and says, "Thank you for this, miss. As a token of my appreciation, I

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a nice Italian couple . . . At St. Peter's Catholic Church in Toronto, they have weekly husbands' marriage seminars. At the session last week, the priest asked Giuseppe, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years. Giuseppe replied to the assembled husbands, 'Wella, I'va tried to treat her nicea, spenda da money on her, but besta of all is, I tooka her to Italy

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NO Speak English A Russian woman married a Canadian gentleman and they lived happily ever after in Toronto . The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but did manage to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries. One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy chicken legs. She didn't know how to put forward her request, so, in desperation, clucked like a chicken and lifted up her skirt to show her thighs. Her butcher got the messag

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Priest and Pilot A priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans. Saint Peter addresses this cool guy, 'Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?' The guy replies, 'I' m Bruce, retired airline pilot from Toronto.' Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the pilot, 'Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom.' The pil

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Dapple's Car Accident Once upon a frosty Canadian winter, there lived a man named Dapple. Dapple was a proud Canuck, born and raised in the heart of the Great White North. He loved the snow, the maple syrup, and of course, ice hockey. But one fateful day, his life took an unexpected turn. Dapple was driving through the snow-covered streets of Toronto when a moose, yes, a moose, darted out onto the road. In a panic, Dapple swerved his car and ended up in a spectacular collision with a snowpl

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How did a Chinese guy end up with a Tamil name? I recently met a Chinese man in Toronto and got to know that his name was Kandasamy. I asked him, "How did you get a name like that being Chinese?" He said, “Many, many years ago when I first arrived in Canada, I was standing in line at the Political Asylums Immigration Counter, and the man in front of me was a Sri Lankan Tamil refugee.” The lady at the counter looked at him and asked, “What is your name?" The Sri Lankan refugee replied "Kand

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