Tom Hanks Jokes

In West Philadelphia born & raised/ through my anus is where I got most of my AIDS - Tom Hanks in Philadelphia'

Want to depress yourself? Realize that someday Tom Hanks will die. Want to cheer yourself up? Remember that right now, Tom Hanks is alive.

After reviewing Spielberg's WWII movies I can't decide which actor is superior, Tom Hanks in ""Saving Private Ryan"" or Sarah Jessica Parker in ""War Horse.""

Y'all know Bill, right? Bill was bragging to his boss a day ago ""You know, I know a lot of pals. A *lot*. Pick any guy, famous or not, and I probably know him."" To confront this boring boasting, his boss calls his bluff. ""Ok Bill, how about Tom Hanks?"" ""No worry boss,"" says Bill, ""Tom is an old pal of my own, I will show you"" So Bill and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Hanks's door, and Tom Hanks shouts, ""Bill! What's going on? You must sit down with us, drink a pint!"" A…

Tom Hanks is extremely polite... In fact, every time someone asks him for an autograph, he's the one that ends up saying ""T.Hanks""

In ""Captain Sully"", technically speaking, Tom Hanks did not fly a plane on to the Hudson River That was falling with style

I was up late last night watching Philadelphia with Tom Hanks... ...We were the finalists in a cream cheese staring competition.

There were elections in the United States. Tom Hanks went to cast his vote. As soon as he came out of the polling booth after doing so, everyone started applauding. Why? It was a vote of T. Hanks.

The Revenant is just a rehash of Catch Me If You Can except instead of being chased by Tom Hanks, DiCaprio is chased by native americans, and instead of pretending to be a pilot, DiCaprio is mauled by a bear.

Guess a movie funded by reddit featuring Tom Hanks and Matt Damon.???? Shaving Pao's Privates. ;)

How Dave Grohl spent his night in his hotel room after the concert in Gothenburg, Sweden? He watched movie Cast Away (starring Tom Hanks) and ate some potato chips.

I saw Tom Hanks today so I asked him for his autograph. He just wrote Thanks.

Tom Hanks is the rudest celebrity I have ever met I asked for an autograph and all he wrote was Thanks.

A Hollywood movie producer was lying beside the pool at the Beverly Hills Hilton when his business partner showed up in a state of high excitement. "How did the meeting go?" asked the first guy. "Great," said his associate. "Tarantino will write and direct for ten million, Tom Hanks will star for nine million, and we can bring in the whole picture for under fifty million." "That's fantastic news!" said the guy by the pool. "There's just one snag," warned the associate. "What's that?" "We have to…